Conductor Jokes
What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.
A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why?
The conductor. Business before pleasure.
Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants?
They've had so little use.
What's the difference between a conductor and a sack of fertilizer?
The sack.
What do you have when a group of conductors are up to their necks in wet concrete?
Not enough concrete.
What's the definition of an optimist?
A choral director with a mortgage.
Did you hear about the planeload of conductors en route to the European Festival?
The good news: it crashed.
The bad news: there were three empty seats on board.
What's the difference between a symphony conductor and Dr Scholl's footpads?
Dr Scholl's footpads buck up the feet.
What's the difference between a pig and a symphony orchestra conductor?
There are some things a pig just won't do.
What is the ideal weight for a conductor?
About 2 1/2 lbs. including the urn.
It is difficult to trust anyone whose instrument changes shape as he plays it!