+++ jokes, Drinking +++(MOST REPUTED POST)

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

The top 10 things you'll never hear a man say:
10. Here honey, you use the remote.
9. You know, I'd like to see her again,
but her breasts are just too big.
8. Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt?
That's one movie I gotta see!
7. While I'm up, can I get you anything?
6. Sex isn't that important; sometimes, I just want to be held.
5. Why don't you go to the mall with me
and help me pick out a pair of shoes?
4. Aww, forget Monday night football, let's watch Melrose Place.
3. Hey let me hold your purse while you try that on.
2. We never talk anymore.
1. Yes, you may date my daughter.

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

The top 10 things you'll never hear a woman say:
10. What do you mean "today's our anniversary"?
9. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
8. Ohh, this diamond is way too big!
7. And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!
6. Can our relationship get a little more physical?
I'm tired of being "just friends".
5. Honey does this outfit make my butt look too small?
4. Aww, don't stop for directions,
I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.
3. Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here.
2. I don't care if it is on sale,
300 dollars is too much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger!

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

Title: Unknown

I know that time can never change
the love I have for you.....
Except to make it deeper still
with everything we do......

In all my dreams of coming years,
you play the greatest part,
For I know that time will never
change the love within my heart.

Love is the beauty in everyday things
the comfort in a touch,
the warmth in a home,
the joy in a memory
the pleasure in dreams of tomorrow.

Somewhere there waiteth in this world of ours
For one lone soul another lonely soul,
Each choosing each through all the weary hours
And meeting strangely at one sudden goal.

Then bend they, like green leaves with golden flowers,
Into one beautiful and perfect whole;
And life's long night is ended, and the way
Lies open onward to external day.

The night had a thousand eyes,
And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world dies
With the dying sun.

The mind has a thousand eyes,
And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies
When love is done.

Author: Unknown

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

A ROSE

The red rose whispers of passion,
And the white rose breathes of love;
O, the red rose is a falcon,
And the white rose is a dove.

But I send you a cream-white rosebud
With a flush on its petal tips;
For the love that is purest and sweetest
Has a kiss of desire on the lips.

Author: Unknown

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

FROM THE HEART

I wanted to make you smile
I could of said I'll die for you
Or walk a thousand miles

That may sound poetic
But never really sincere
It's hard to put into words
What I feel "in here"

"In here" is where you are
You've been there from the start
You alone and no one else
Buried deep inside my heart.

Author: Unknown

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

SHE WALKS IN BEAUTY

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:

Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

Author: Lord Byron

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

ASSAULT OF THE DREAM

Of all the moments we in our hearts desire,
Surely it's of this that we most dream:
To bare our arms while covert eyes inquire
What passions are revealed within their gleam.

To touch, to hold, here more than arms embrace
For caresses gently gesture, "Guards, dismissed!"
And silent lips accept with trembling grace
This sweet surrender, signaled by a kiss.

Author: Gary Boone Â©

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

'M FALLING IN LOVE

Every time I see your face and I hear your voice,
It stirs up feelings inside that I've never felt before.

Was it the words you said that made me feel this way?
Maybe it was the touch of your hand and the smile on your face.

I think I'm falling in love with you.
Is this love that I'm feeling inside?
Is this love that is burning my heart,
And keeping me up at night.

Oh, Lord, I don't even know what to do.
I think I'm falling in love with you.

I always lose control when your by my side.
You have become the light of my life.
I always enjoy the time I spend with you.

Because nothing makes me feel the way you do.
I think I'm falling in love with you.
You are my best friend and my only true love.

I'm sure that you were sent from heaven above.
Today is the first day of the rest of our lives.
And our future is beginning to look so bright.
I think I'm falling in love with you.

Authur:Unknown

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

Title:Unknown
Tonight I looked up at the stars,
And I wondered where you are.

Tonight I gazed upon the moon,
In hopes that I would see you soon.

Tonight I've been thinking of you,
Have you been thinking about me, too?

Tonight my heart is full of fear,
'Cause you are there and I am here.

Tonight I will have a dream,
And all too real it will seem.
Tonight you'll look oh so fine,
But It will all be in my mind.

Tonight you won't even know,
That I still love you so.

I cannot caress your soft skin,
Or run my fingers through your hair.

For it's only your picture I see,
An image is all that's there.
I can admire your beauty,

To which I must stare.
Your chin, your mouth, your nose and eyes,
All add to a face so fair.

I hope that you can accept,
How much I really care.
A person who loves you more,
You shan't find anywhere.

Down the road, I see a day,
When my feelings we'll both share.
'Cause the way I feel without you,
I can only so long bare.

Authur:Unknown

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

The Condoms
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner
with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces
to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and have
sex for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he
takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist
helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is
to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks
the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10 pack, or
family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he
will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my
parents. Come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner
table where the girls parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute
passes, and the boy is still in deep prayer with his head down. 10
minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20
minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and
whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist..."

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

A High School Boy...
A High School Boy once found a book in the school library whose cover read "HOW TO HUG" was delighted to take it home.
On opening it, he was disappointed to discover it was volume seven of an encyclopedia.

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

A Wise Old Man
A wise old man who was a judge, was asked to settle a dispute between two brothers about the fair division of a large estate left them by their father.
"Let one brother divide the estate," said the judge," and let the other brother have the first choice in choosing his share."

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

Coincidence
In a kindergarten school, a teacher asked her class to give examples of coincidence.
There was a long silence, then a small boy said: "My father & my mother were married the same day."

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

Novel
A BLONDE is in the library , she bangs down a book and says :" too boring, too many characters and no story.
LIBRARIAN says : oh! U r the one who took the phone directory away??

shihab1919 · BizHat Newbie Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 63

Score
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in maths and 20 in science."