+++ jokes, Drinking +++(MOST REPUTED POST)

[shihab1919]

Score
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in maths and 20 in science."

[shihab1919]

HOME
A BLONDE tells her boyfriend, "Come home tomorrow, no one will be at home."
When he goes the next day to her home.......
Her door was locked.

[shihab1919]

Blunder
"James", said Martha, "it is our silver anniversary next tuesday. We should mark the occasion. Shall we kill the pig?"
The husband replied, "Kill the pig! What's the good of murdering an innocent pig for a blunder that happened twenty-five years ago?"

[shihab1919]

Vacation with pay
When Arthur Brisbane was about to complete fifty years of journalism, Mr. Hearst, his employer, urged him to take a six month vacation with pay. This magnanimous offer Brisbane refused to accept, saying there were two reasons for his doing so.
"The first reason, "he said," is that I quit writing my daily column for six months, it might affect the circulation of your daily newspaper, the second is that it might not affect the circulation."

[shihab1919]

Sunday School
A big advertising man had a small daughter who came home from Sunday School one day carrying a bundle of pamphlets and cards.
"And what do you have there?" asked the man. "Oh, nothing much," answered the little girl. "Just some ads about heaven."

[shihab1919]

Abu Abed Having Prostate"

Abu Abed was suffering some pain and went to see his doctor who checked him and told him that he had prostate....

Abu Abed went upset and told his good friend Abu Steif about his medical problem...

Abu Steif : Is the doctor sure that you have prostate ? Tell me how did he check you because as I know when the doctor check for the prostate he lies down on the bed, put one hand on your shoulder and the other down to check if you have a prostate...

Abu Abed upset started shouting and screaming

Abu Steif : "What is wrong with you...why did you suddenly started shouting and screaming ?

Abu Abed : " The Bastard ..had his two hand on my shoulder ...!"

[shihab1919]

Abu Abed totally stoned asked his friend Abu Steif: "Tell me please where the other side of the street ?

Abu Steif : It is right over there ...

Abu Abed : " Bastards... I was there on that side a while ago and they told me it is over here...!"

[shihab1919]

"Abu Abed Working in a Sweet Shop"

Abu Abed was working in a sweet shop "Halwanji", he told his neighbor if you take off your dress I will give you a tray of 'Maamoul".. If you take off your night dress I will give you a tray of "Knefeh"...

if you take off your bra I will give you a tray of 'Baklawa".. and If you take off your underwear I will give you a tray of "Borma"...

His neighbor replied : That means until you reach what is in my mind, I will surely become diabetic

[shihab1919]

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

[shihab1919]

Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U
Continue to do so.

[shihab1919]

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

[shihab1919]

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your

picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can
there be greater than this one?"

[shihab1919]

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.

Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

[shihab1919]

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give
up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

[shihab1919]

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father
hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO
LEFT
YOU A FORTUNE"