Drinking jokes

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What is goose's favourite berry?


of course, gooseberry

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Peanut


You hear about the two peanuts tha were walking down the street? One was a salted

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Wild Rice


How did the patron in the restaurant know that he was served wild rice? Because the rice jumped out of the bowl.

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chicken and gum


how did the gum get across the road? it was stuck to the chickens foot.

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"(hicup-hicup)"


Why did the turkey have the hicups? He gobbled his food!

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Cookie joke


Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!!

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People are like Potatoes


Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are
content to watch others do. They are called "Speck Tators."

Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at
finding fault with the way others do things. They're called
"Comment Tators."

Some are always looking to cause problems and really get
under your skin.
They are called "Aggie Tators."

There are those who are always saying they will, but
somehow, they never get around to doing. We call them "Hezzie
Tators."

Some people put on a front and act like someone else.
They're called "Emma Tators."

Then, there are those who walk what they talk. They're
always prepared to stop what they're doing to lend a hand to
others and bring real sunshine into the lives of others. You
can call them "Sweet Tators."

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The Coffee Test


Do you use coffee to escape from your problems?
Do you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it's easier?
Have you ever waken up in a puddle of your own coffee?
Do you find that it's easier to drink more coffee than to go to sleep?
Have you ever drank cold coffee?
Right out of the pot?
Does your coffee cup resemble a beer stein?
Has anyone ever told you that you "have a problem"?

Do you need coffee:

...to get up in the morning?
...to get out of bed?
...to be injected intravenously to stimulate blood-flow?
Do Native North American Aboriginal Indian Peoples call you "Ona mac towanda" (Smells-like-coffee)?
Does the phrase "Swiss water decaffeinated" strike terror into your heart?
Do you have a coffee maker in more than one room of your house?
...in more than five?
...in your bathroom?
Do the people at Second Cup refuse do give you free coffee cards anymore?
...because you're wearing out their hole-punch?
...and it's bad for the environment?
Do you grind your own coffee?
Do you grow your own coffee?
Do you know Juan Valdez?
...and his donkey?
...intimately?
Do you salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear dripping water?
Is sleep a hobby of yours?
...that you don't like?
...because it's too frustrating?
Response Ratio
Addiction Factor

Yes
No
Analysis:

22-28
0-6
You are a well-rounded member of society with a love for life and you are very wise.

15-21
7-13
You are a slightly jagged member of society, life's okay but it could be better and you are relatively naive.

0-15
13-28
What are you, some kinda nature-freak tree-hugger!?
Coffee's not good enough for you, huh? Here, have some more tofu! How about some alfalfa tea?!? You Commie Slime!!!

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Hot Dog


Q: What do get when you cross a chilli pepper, steam shovel, and a chihuahua?
A: A hot, diggety dog.

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Baskin Robbins


Two robins were lying on their backs, basking in the sun. A
mama cat and her kitten were walking by.

The kitten complained, "Mama, I'm sooo hungry, what can we
eat?"

To which the mama cat, spying the two robins, replied, "How
about some Baskin Robbins?"