PC Jokes

[grace55]

Bill Gates Demo

Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95 among other indiscretions. I believe I'll do something I've never done before; I'll let you decide where you want to go." Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?" Looking slightly puzzled, God said, "Better yet, why don't I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?" Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, "I think I'll try Hell first."
So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell. When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was a beautiful and clean place, a bit warm, with sandy beaches and tall mountains, clear skies, pristine water, and beautiful women frolicking about. A smile came across Bill's face as he took in a deep breath of the clean air. "This is great," he thought, "if this is Hell, I can't wait to see heaven."
Within seconds of his thought, another flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke appeared, and Bill was off to Heaven. Heaven was a place high above the clouds, where angels were drifting about playing their harps and singing in a beautiful chorus. It was a very nice place, Bill thought, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill looked up, cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled for God and Bill Gates was sent to Hell for eternity.
Time passed, and God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was progressing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill Gates shackled to a wall in a dark cave amid bone thin men and tongues of fire, being burned and tortured by demons. "So, how is everything going?" God asked. Bill responded with a crackling voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! It's nothing like the Hell I visited the first time!! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to the other place....with the beaches and the mountains and the beautiful women? "That was the demo," replied God.

[grace55]

Intel Inside

Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums?
A: The warning label.

Keyboard Error

A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a "Keyboard Error" message. She then asks "Why did it give me a keyboard error? There isn't even a keyboard attached?

[sanilss]

Computer Jokes

A woman rings up a computing hotline
Woman:hello
Employee:hello, what seems to be the problem?
W:I was just typing on my computer, and it just went dark
E:dark?
W:the screen went black
E:can you see the start button in the bottom left hand corner?
W:no the whole thing is black
E:is the monitor still connected to the computer?
W: pardon?
E:is the screen still connected to the computer via USB?
W:whats a USB?
E:like a wire
W:well it's in the monitor but i can't see if it's in the computer
E:can you look?
W:i'll try
(pause)
E:so?
W: i can't see
E:lean over a bit
W:no it's not that, it's because it's dark
E:dark?
W:the only light in the room is coming from the window
E:well turn on the light switch then
W:i can't there's a power cut
E: ok i see the problem, do you still have the packaging for the computer?
W:yes, but is it really that bad?
E:i'm afraid it is, pack it all up and send it back
W: ok then, what do i tell them
E:tell them your to stupid to own a computer

this one isn't true

A man ring a computing hotline and says there's a problem, the employee says, "ok can you see the start button in the bottom left corner of your screen?"
the man says "wow! how can you see my computer from there?"

i had more but been a while since i read them

[grace55]

Users Prayer

Dear God, Help me log on without fretting Guide me as I'm interneting Bless my downloading and uploading Keep my browser from exploding. May my website be protected Let not my password be rejected Keep my line connection clear...... and let tech support be always near! Please keep all my programs alive, and be sure to back up my hard drive! And protect my puter from catching ......a virus and end up crashing! Amen

[grace55]

Open a new folder

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote click'."

[grace55]

HARD-DISK woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

INTERNET woman:
Difficult to access.

SERVER woman:
Always busy when you need her.

CD-ROM woman:
She is always faster and faster.

EMAIL woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS woman:
Also called “wife”; when you are not expecting her, she comes,
installs herself and uses all you resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something,if you don’t you will lose everything!!