Top ten reasons to become a nurse

[Dunga]

Top ten reasons to become a nurse:

1) Pays better then fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
2) Fashionable shoes and sexy white uniforms.
3) Needles: "Tis better to give than receive"
4) Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops...eventually.
5) Expose yourself to rare, exciting and new diseases.
6) Interesting aromas.
7) Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting.
8) Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
9) Celebrate all the holidays with your friends- at work.
10) Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.

[Dunga]

This woman went to the doctor, wanting to find out about the latest weight loss program.

The doctor tells her, "Well- there is a new one that you can lose alot of weight with, and what you do is ingest everything anally."

After about 6 weeks, the woman walks into his office for a follow-up. She was walking a bit bent over, and was swaying her behind extremely from side to side

The doctor didn't even recognize her -- she had lost so much weight. "Mam- you look wonderful!"

She said, "Thanks, Doc. I have lost 150 pounds!"

The doctor said, "Great! Now let me see if I can do something about that limp of yours.

She said, "Limp hell? I'm chewin' gum!"

[Dunga]

The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him:
"Do you love your wife?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"Do you love your country?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"What do you love more, your wife or your country?"
"My country, sir."
"Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her."

The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He puts down the gun and leaves.

The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says "I can't do it..."

The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes. The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says "What happened?!?!"

"The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her!"

[Dunga]

Q: What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ?

A: A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!