sararji jokes

[chinturahul]

Aajki tajha khabar.
News that 100 sardars are killed in a train accident at
Amritsar station. Only one sardar left alive.
The correspondent goes to him and asks, Sardarji how did it happen?
Sardar: oh ji pucho mat.. sab kuch sahi tha sab log platform par
khade gaadi ki wait kar rahe the. Achanak announcement hui ki
shatabdee express 2 no. platform par aa rahi hai. Jaise hi sab ne
suna ki gaddi PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni jaan bachane ke
liye patri par kood gaye. Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi.
correspondent said: Thank god. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri
par nahin koode. Sardar: oe nahin ji main to suicide karne ke liiye
patri par hi leta tha.
Jaise hi announcement hui ki Gaadi platform par aa rahi hai, main
platform par so gaya.
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A Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office
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2 sardars talking during diwali
1st: Jab phatake phut te hai to Pahle light dhekhai deti hai phir awaz, aisa kyon ?
2nd: Kyonki hamari aankh aage hai aur kaan piche
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A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in particular
She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname
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koi apni biwi ka ! antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi
aadmi bola: Lagta hai pohanch gayee
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Man: How was your exam today ?
Sardar: Fine, except for one question which was difficult
Man: Which one ?
Sardar: What is the past tense of THINK ?
I thought...i thought ...i thought about it and wrote THUNK
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How do you fit 20 marwadis in a Maruti 800 ?
Throw a 100 rupee note inside
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Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugar box. Sees inside and closes it.
Wife observes the whole episode
Again he comes and does the same stuff.
Wife asks : Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly
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THE FUTURE OF CUSTOMER CARE

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first,
Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold on......6102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from
17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high
blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee P! izza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien
Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones
then,how much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10,
Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your
credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since
October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM
and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've
reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the
cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you
can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
Customer: " Wat!"
Operator : "According to the details in system , you own a
Scooter,...registration number 1123..."
Customer: " *'!^ *%^**%^I7*"
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th
July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a
policeman... ?"
Customer: [Speechless]
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me
that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records
you're also diabetic....... "
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A couple go on holiday to a fishing resort at Lakes Entrance. The
husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and
decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lakes area, the
wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance,
anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a fishing
inspector in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good
morning ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies
(thinking "isn't that obvious!"). "You're in a restricted fishing
area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm
reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you
could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and make a
report." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual
assault,"
says the woman. "But, I haven't even touched you," says the man.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.......
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One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river,
his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,
"Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water. The Lord went
down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?"
the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied,
"No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?"
the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied,
"No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?"
the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied,
"Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to
keep, and the woodcutter went home happily.

One day while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, the
woodcutter's wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again
appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this
your wife?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You cheat! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.
You see, if I said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You will come up with Catherine
Zeta-Jones. Then if I also say 'no' to her, You
will thirdly come up with my wife, and I will say 'yes,' and then all three
will be given to me. But Lord, I am a poor man and I will not be able to
take care of all three wives, so that's why I said yes this time."
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Osama consults a psychic about the date of his death.
Psychic: You will die on an American holiday.
Osama: Which one?
Psychic: Anyday you die shall be an American holiday.
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Man's greatest enemy is alcohol, but the Bible says, " Love thy enemy!".
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My wife ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
The driver said, "No, jump in!".
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Q: What has 4 wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.
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Q: What is your date of birth?
A: February eleventh.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
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Rabbi answers his phone.
"Hello is this Rabbi ?"
"It is."
"This is a tax auditor from the IRS. Can you help me?"
"I'll try."
"Do you know a Sam?"
"I do."
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is."
"Did he donate $10,000?"
"He will.".
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When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
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Last week I asked my wife what she wanted as a present for her birthday.
"Oh, I don't know," she said. "Just give me something with diamonds."
That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.
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Once I was sick and I had to go to an ear, nose, and throat man to get well. There are ear doctors, nose doctors, throat doctors, gynecologists, proctologists, any place you got a hole, there's a guy who specializes in your hole. They make an entire career out of that hole. And if the ear doctor, nose doctor, throat doctor, gynecologist, or proctologist can't help you, he sends you to a surgeon. Why? So he can make a new hole!.
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I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
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Q: What do you call a wicked witch who lives by the sea?
A: A sand-witch.
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Q: Why does a witch ride on a broom?
A: Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall.
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Q: Where do vampires live?
A: In the Vampire State Building
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Q: What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel.
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Q: Why was Dracula not at his desk?
A: He was on his coffin break.
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What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A: A cereal killer...
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Q: What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A: "Do you believe in people?".
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Q: How do you stop a Pakistani tank?
A: Shoot the guys pushing it.
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A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
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Santa could not understand why his sister had two brothers and he only had one.
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Banta: "Hey, pal! You've been standing there watching me fish for three hours! Why don't you get a rod and reel and do some fishing yourself?"
Santa:: "No, thanks. I don't have the patience for it".
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Ravan decides to apologise to Ram.
Ram opens the door.
Ravan blankly starres at Ram & can you guess whate he is thinking?
Sala kiss moonh se maafi maangu.
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Santa, "I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer, "I beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror.
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On the first day of marriage, the husband is treated like god...
after that the letters reversed.
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Its funny when people debate over love marriage vs arranged marriage
Its like asking them if they did like to hang themselves or shoot their brains out.
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Indian soldiers capture an intruder at kashmir border. They give him a dice and tell him that if throw between 1 and 5, he would be shot
The intruder says what if he throws six?
They reply that he'll get another throw.
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Indian soldiers capture an intruder at kashmir border. They give him a dice and tell him that if throw between 1 and 5, he would be shot
The intruder says what if he throws six?
They reply that he'll get another throw.
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A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fungame. The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa." Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep. The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.

"Okay," says the American, "your turn".

He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.

Frustrated,

he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500. The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5,and goes back to sleep.
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There is a classroom of some small children (5-7yrs).
Obviously there was one ordinary boy (Ramu) and a smart one (Shyamu).
The trilogy between the two and the teacher goes something like this:

Ramu: "Teacher, teacher! Is bus male or female ?
Teacher thinking...
Shyamu: "Teacher, teacher! It is female"
Teacher & Ramu: "Kyon?"
Shyamu: "Kyon ki sab log uspe chadte hain."
Teacher is pareshan. While Ramu gets doubt.
Ramu: "Agar bus female hai aur sab uspe chadte hai tho uske bacche kyon nahin hote?"
Teacher is more pareshan.
Shyamu: "Kyon ki sab us par peeche se chadte hain."
Teacher is now hiding her face.
Ramu gets another doubt. Ramu: "Maana sabhi peeche se chadte hain, but
driver aur conductor to aage se chadte hain. Phir bachche kyon nahin hote?"
Teacher is sweating as it is getting too much to handle.
Shyamu replies: "Kyon ki woh donon topi pehanke chadte hain."
Teacher faints !!!!!!!
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One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town.
Everywhere he saw evidences of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on
walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's-eyes with the bullet hole in
dead center. The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the
person responsible for this wonderful marksmanship. The man turned out to be the village idiot.
"This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen," said the FBI man. "How in the world do you do it?"
"Nothing to it," said the idiot. "I shoot first and draw the circles afterwards."
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"Doc," says Arthur, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done," replies Arthur.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor.
"It’s a very serious operation and once it’s done, there’s no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I’m aware of that and you’re not going to change my mind -
either you book me in to be castrated or I’ll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, O.K.," says the doctor. "But it’s against my better judgment!"
So Arthur has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly,
legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading toward him is
another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Arthur, "It looks as if you’ve just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Arthur stared at him in horror. "Damn! THAT’S the word!!!"
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There will be a new soft drink on the market soon that will contain Viagra.
They're going to call it "Mount `N Do."
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Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."
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Why was the 2 piece bikini invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
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What is the difference between Biology and Sociology?
A: If the baby looks like the father, that is biology.
If he looks like the neighbour, that's sociology.
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Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have a little fun.
Jill, that dill
Forgot her pill
and now they have a son

Another one:
Jack & Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
God knows what they did up there
As they came back with a daughter
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Suzy, age 9, and Little Johnny, age 10, are sitting on the front porch
swing. Little Johnny says to Suzy, "Screw you, Suzy."
A minute goes by and Suzy replies, "Screw YOU, Little Johnny."
A moment or two and Little Johnny says, "Screw YOU, Suzy."
In response, "Screw *YOU*, Little Johnny," Suzy says.
After about ten minutes of this, Suzy's mom comes out
on the porch and says, "What on earth are you kids doing?"
They reply in unison, "We're having oral sex!"
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A young boy went running down the street in search of a policeman. Finding
one, he pleaded, "Officer, please, I need you to come back to the bar with me. My dad is in a fight."
The officer accompanied him back to the bar where he found three guys in a
fistfight. "Ok, now which one is your father?" he asked the young boy.
"I don't know, officer. That's what they're fighting about," the boy exclaimed.
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Little Johnny runs into the farm-house where his mum and grandma
are Shelling peas Little Johnny runs in and yells "Mum, Mum, the bull's fu**ing the cow !!"
Grandma gasps and clutches her chest in horror!!!
Mum drags little Johnny outside by the scruff of his neck and says "Now
listen here Johnny, you can't go around saying rude words like that!!
u have to think up another word to use.........how about the bull is SURPRISING the cow ??"
So little Johnny is a bit confused, but he shrugs and runs off outside to play again.
Five minutes later he runs back inside and shouts "Mum, Mum the Bull is SURPRISING ALL the cows now!!!!"
Mum sighs and says to Johnny "No, Johnny, he can't be SURPRISING all the cows!"
"Yes he is!!!" yells little Johnny "He's SURPRISING all the cows......he's fu**ing the horse!!!"
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A prostitute goes to deposit a $100 bill in a bank. The teller says,
"Sorry, madam, the note is fake". "Oh no!" exclaimed the prostitute, "I have been raped".
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Dracula asked God, "May I be reincarnated as a white angel with wings and
still suck blood?" God said, "Okay, I will turn you into a sanitary pad".
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3 men were chosen for a job interview at a firm; namely, Mr. Smith, Mr. Brown and Mr. Sukwinder.
They were all asked to come up with a sentence using all these 3 words, green, pink and yellow.

Mr. Brown: The first thing I see in the morning is the yellow sky, then the green grass and look forward for a pink day.

Mr. Smith: I always eat a yellow banana in the morning, a green apple in the afternoon and watch pink panther at night.

Mr. Sukwinder: Every morning when I wake up I hear the phone green! green!! i pink up then phone and say yellow!
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A Sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always started reading from the middle. A friend of his asked why he did so.

"It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar. "To start from the middle keeps
one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning."
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Santa was driving his brand new Porsche on a highway in Australia (speed
limit of 110 kmph) when suddenly Banta came alongside in his brand new Ferrari.

Banta said, 'Kabhi Ferrari chalayee hai?!!' and sped away.

Santa was a bit annoyed and pushed his foot down. The car sped to 120 kmph
and overtook Banta. But after a few minutes Banta again came alongside. And
Banta said, 'Kabhi Ferrari chalayee hai?!!' and again sped away.

Santa increased his speed to 130 kmph and again overtook Banta. And again
Banta came alongside within a few minutes. Banta said, 'Kabhi Ferrari chalayee
hai?!!' before speeding away.

And so it went until Santa realized that he was now traveling at 200 kmph,
well above the speed limit. He decided to act wise and slow down and let Banta
act crazy. And then he noticed in his mirror that Banta had crashed into the
bushes.

Santa stopped and went up to Banta with a smile thinking it was now time for
him to ridicule Banta. He asked with sarcasm, 'Kabhi Ferrari chalayee hai?!!'

Banta replied with dismay, 'Nahee chalayee hai. Tabhi to poocch raha tha, kay
BREAK kithhay hai...'
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The ways of the world ...............

A pretty young woman is driving down a road in Ludhiana in her new
sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down.
Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse
and knocks on the door.

When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh praaji,it's Sunday night
and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the
night until tomorrow when I can get some help?

"Well," says Satnaam singh, "you can stay here, but I don't want you
messing with my sons Santa and Banta."

She looks through the screen door and sees two young sardars standing
behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties.

"Okay," she says.

After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins
to think about the two sardars in the room next to her.
So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you
like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"

They say, "Huh?" She says, "The only thing is,
I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear
these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the three of them
go at it all night long.


Twenty years later Santa and Banta are sitting on the
front porch, rocking back and forth. Santa says, "Banta?"
Banta says, "Yeah, Santa?"

Santa says, "You remember that young woman that came
by here about twenty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"

"Yeah," says Banta, "I remember."

"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Santa.

"Nahin," says Banta, "I really don't think so."

"Me, neither," says Santa, "Let's take these things
off our heads then shall we??!! ."
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Santa is on H1 visa in Louisiana.
On his vacation to India, one evening he sits at the Choupaal (at Gaaon ke peepal ke neeche)

Gaaon ke saare log ikathhe hue..
Aur Santa ne apni Louisiana ki kahani apni zubani shuru kardi...

"OOOO yaar, ek din main movie ka late show dekhne gayaa. Jab movie khatam hui to bahar aake dekhta hoon, to ek phataaka kudi wahaan khadi thi. Bolo Ludhiana mein kahin aisa hota hai?"

log bole..nahi nahi, aisa nahi hota, tusi aage badhaao..

Santa "Baadme us kudi ne mujhe aankh maarke apne paas bulaya. Bolo Ludhiana mein kahin aisa hota hai?"

log bole..nahi nahi, aisa nahi hota, tusi aage badhaao..

Santa "Baadme woh mujhe apne ghar le gayee, Bolo Ludhiana mein aisa hota hai?"

log bole..nahi nahi, aisa nahi hota, tusi aage badhaao..

Santa "Baadme usne mujhe zoro ka chumma(kiss) diya, Bolo Ludhiana mein aisa hota hai?"

log bole..nahi nahi, aisa nahi hota, tusi aage badhaao..

Santa "Baadme usne mere kapde utaare....Bolo Ludhiana mein aisa hota hai?"

log bole..nahi nahi, aisa nahi hota, tusi aage badhaao..

Santa "Baadme usne mujhse apne kapde utarvaaye. Bolo Ludhiana mein aisa hota hai?"

log bole..nahi nahi, aisa nahi hota, tusi aage badhaao..

Santa singh ek dam shant ho gaye... Bilkul Chup..... Kuch nahi Bole.......

Log bole...."Oy paapaji, badme ki gal hui ?"

Santa bola "Arey yaar, phir wohi hua jo ludhiana mein hota hai."
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Banta was talking to his travel agent Santa.

Banta tells Santa, "Oye yaar, I am about ready for a vacation. Only this
year, I am going to do it a little differently.

You know, the last few years, I have been taking your advice on where to go.

Three years ago you said go to Hawaii.
I went to Hawaii and Simran got pregnant.

Then two Years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,
and Simran got pregnant again.


Last year you suggested Tahiti and Simran once again got pregnant."

Santa asks Banta "So yaar, what are you going to do this year that is different?"

Banta smiles and says, "Yaar, this year I'm taking Simran with me!"
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One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her ”Darling, would you give me a blow job?"

Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

Him: "Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?"
Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
Him: "Oh come on, there’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!"
Her: "No way. It’s just too risky!"
Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can’t!"
Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"
Her: "No, no. I just can’t"
Him: "I beg you ... "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl’s sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he’ll come down himself and do it. But for god sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom..."
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Patient : How abt. a kiss, nurse.

Nurse : No

Patient : Please, nurse.

Nurse : Definitely not.

Patient : Come on, nurse.

Nurse : No, no, no... In fact, I'm not even supposed to be in bed with u!
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The latest news is that Richard Branson was very keen to sponsor the
Indian Cricket Team. He approached BCCI with an offer to pay three
times more than Sahara.

However, Saurav Ganguly refused the offer as he thought it would be
ridiculous to sport 'Virgin' on the Team shirts after getting screwed
by the Australians every other day.
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The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.


At Mass, he asked the congregation "Has anybody got a cock?" - all the men stood up.


"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" - all the women stood up.


"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." - half the women stood up.


"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?" - all the nuns stood up.
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The four newlyweds spent their honeymoon at Niagara Falls. They
occupied adjoining rooms, sat at the same table, and were inseparable.
One evening after dinner as they were returning to their rooms, there
was lightning and the lights went off. It was pitch dark, and groping
their way they made it to their rooms, and quietly undressed. Jack a
religious fellow knelt to pray. Just as he completed his prayer, the
lights came on that he saw that he was with his friend's wife. He jumped
up and dashed for the door.

"Too late to hurry now," said the girl "Joe never prays!"
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Two guys were standing next to one another at a urinal and one looks over at the other and says, "Excuse me, but didn't you use to live in St. Louis?"
"Why yes I did," the other man answered back. "How did you know that?"
"Well I used to live in St. Louis as well. And didn't you live on the east side?"
"Yes, I was from the east side," the man answered back. "How did you know this?"
"I belonged to the Jewish congregation there. Weren't you a member too?"
"Why yes, I was," the man replied. "How would you know this?"
"Didn't rabbi Horowitz perform your circumcision?
"Yes, I think he did. But how would you know this?"
"Well," answered the first man, "You're peeing on my leg."
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A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
"Canada, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada," the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."
"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"
The boy replied, "No kidding???? Who did she play for?"
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Banta goes to sexopathologist for consultation.
You know, doctor, my erection is not as good as it used to be...
Are you married?
Yes.
How often do you do it with your wife?
I don't let my wife sleep all night long, doctor!
You have a lover?
I have two of them. I meet with each of them at least once a week.
Do you also have some sex at work?
Oh yes, sure, 5-7 times a week.
And some random relations?
Of cause, several times a week.
Then you must restrict yourself! You're having too much sex!
Thanks God, doctor, I thought it's because I masturbate too much.
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Once a sardar and his son go for a walk.

Suddenly the junior sees two dogs having sex and ask his dad 'Papaji what are they doing?

Sardar gets embarassed while answering his son's question and replies, 'Nothing son, the dog is sick and the bitch is trying to take him to the hospital!'

Then junior thinks for a while and says, 'Papaji kya zamana aa gaya hai, jo jiski madad karta hai woh usee ki g***d marta hai!'
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
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One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on The thirteenth floor building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in panic.
Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window.
While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto.
When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.
When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh!!!
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