More Joke

[Satitay]

A normally sweet Great Dane Psil has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers.

While walk Psil one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man.

Struggling to keep hold of Psil, the owner tried to ease the situation said, "As you can see, he just loves UPS men."

"Don't you feed her anything else?" he responded

[Satitay]

One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.

Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:

"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."

[Satitay]

An old man went to town and on his way home he sat to rest. An old friend
walking by recognized the old man and stopped to inquire about how he was
doing."

I just bought a three bedroom, one and a half bath, brick home. And, I more
recently remarried to a blonde, 30 years my junior. Then the old man
suddenly burst out into an uncontrollable sob followed by big crocodile
tears.

"What's the matter? the friend asked, with all your good fortune lately what
have you got to cry about?

The old man replies, "I forgot where I lived!"

[Satitay]

A woman passenger in a horse-drawn cab has offered the driver
a large tip if he can deliver her to her destination in a
hurry. However, she is horrified at the cruel whipping the
driver is giving the horse to make him go faster.

"My good man, is there no other way you could urge the horse
along?" she asks.

"Yessum," the cab driver cheerfully replies, "but, I've got
to save his balls for the hill!"

[Satitay]

Phone Company Gives Something for Nothing

Dear Ann,

I think I can top the person who wrote complaining about the idiocy of the phone company. Talk about garbage in, garbage out!

When AT&T split with Bell, we had three phones in our house. The equipment belonged to Ma Bell and the service belonged to AT&T. After we returned all the phone equipment to Ma Bell, we received a bill for $0.00. A few weeks later, we received a check for $5 and a note thanking us. Several months later, we received another computerized bill for $0.00. We called again, got nowhere, so we sent another check for $0.00. A few weeks later we received another $5 refund with the same thank you.

This went on every three months for two years. Now we are down to once a year and have given up trying to straighten this out. We just cash the $5 and forget about it.

-- Linda K. R. in California

[Satitay]

The Catholic Church's air conditioning broke down, so they
had to hire a man to crawl around in the ducts and figure
out what was wrong.

As the man peeked down through one of the vents in the
sanctuary, he saw little old Mrs. Murphy kneeling by the
altar, apparently saying her rosary. Since the man was a
fundamental Baptist, he thought it'd be funny to try and
mess with the lady's mind.

In his best authoritative voice, he said, "This is Jesus.
Your prayers will be answered."

The little old lady didn't even blink, just kept on saying
her prayers. The man decided maybe she didn't hear him, and
tried again. "This is Jesus, the Son of God! Your prayers
will be answered!"

Again, she didn't react at all. Mustering up a big breath
of air, the man decided to try again. "THIS IS JESUS
CHRIST, THE SON OF GOD! YOUR PRAYERS WILL BE ANSWERED!"

The lady looks up and says, "SHUT UP! I'M TALKING TO YOUR
MOTHER!"

[Satitay]

This last weekend I was reminded at the pace we are converting to metric. I was on I-75 in Ohio when I saw a sign that said:

All signs metric
Next 20 miles

[Satitay]

Joey's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey
seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his
time thinking about sex and girls."

The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a
solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his
Father."

[Satitay]

According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight.

The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign.

The vibration stopped immediately.

A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.

[Satitay]

The "Environmental Engineering News" published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries.

In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, "He's drunk and in jail."

In Malaysia the driver is jailed and, if married, the spouse is jailed.

In the United Kingdom, Finland and Sweden there's an automatic jail term of one year.

In Turkey, drunk drivers are driven twenty miles out of town and forced to walk back ten miles.

In Bulgaria, a second drunk-driving conviction results in capital punishment.

In El Salvador, your first offense is your last -- execution by firing squad.

From the August Road & Track.