JOKES TIME BUDDIES(PART 4)

**ftvfatboy** · 12-02-2005, 04:43 PM

WHAT IS MARRIAGE???

1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an
institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's
Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and
suffering.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first
year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second
year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both
speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with
friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has,
you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found
himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and
found himself divorced.

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives
and the wife takes.

9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know
son, I'm still paying for it.

10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere,
son, EVERYWHERE!

11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it
is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a
10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for
her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
him keep her.

17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in
Europe.

18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They
just can't face each other, but they still stay together.

19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when
they try to decide which one.

20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the
marriage the "Y" becomes silent.

21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.

22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only
seems longer.

23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL
HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT
HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.

25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if
you get home before I do, leave the hallway
lighs on.

26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING
YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED
THE WRONG MAN.

27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.

28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still
ends up with the same boss.

29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he
received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN
HAVE MINE.

30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure
of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

These all is being spread by those who don't wanna marry else, Marriage
is one of the best happenings in some-one's life

**ftvfatboy** · 12-02-2005, 04:44 PM

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father,

"Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?

The father, surprised, answers,

"Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.

In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm.

In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging
a bit.

After fifty, they are like onions.

"Onions?"

"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how
many kinds of willies are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers,

"Well dear, a man goes through three phases.

In a man's twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable.

After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only!
************************************************** ***

**ftvfatboy** · 12-02-2005, 04:45 PM

Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle

Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?
A: The police

Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field
anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known
felons

Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring
training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights

Doctors say because of Michael Irvin's broken clavicle, it will
be 6-8 weeks before he can videotape a teammate having sex

I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got
rid of the refrigerator, so now they want a Coke machine

The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is
going to take out the artificial turf because the cowboys play
better on grass

The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new Honor System: Yes your Honor,
No your Honor

The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year: 12 arrests,
5 convictions

The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so
they hired a new defensive coach: Johnny Cochran

**ftvfatboy** · 12-02-2005, 04:46 PM

A young couple had been married for a couple of weeks, but the man was
always after his wife to quit smoking

One afternoon, she lit up after some love making, and he said, "You
really ought to quit.

She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good
cigarette after sex.

He replied, "But they stunt your growth.

She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he never had

Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's your
excuse?"

**ftvfatboy** · 12-02-2005, 04:47 PM

The heir to the founder of the luxury car, Mercedes Benz was not
only proud of his car but also all his staff. One fine day, he
decided to make a trip down to the company's plant to interact with
the workers. All the top managers upon knowing his rare appearance
to the plant were very excited about it and made sure they
prepared their workers for the Chairman's arrival

At the plant, the Chairman posed a question to his managers, 'Who can
tell me what the Mercedes circular insignia at the front of the car
represents?' All the managers were dumbfounded

Just then, a young sleepy chap amongst the workers was quick to
answer, 'Oh that's simple, you fools. It stands for 8 o'clock start
work, 12 o'clock lunch time & 5 o'clock go back!'

**ftvfatboy** · 12-02-2005, 04:49 PM

A newly-married couple came home from their honeymoon and
moved into the upstairs apartment they'd rented from the
groom's parents

That night, the father of the groom was awakened from his
sleep by his wife. "Tony, listen!" she whispered

He listened. Upstairs, the bed was creaking in rhythm

The wife said, "Come on, Tony! Let's make love!" So Tony
climbed on top of his wife, and makes love to his wife

As he was trying to fall back asleep 15 minutes later, the
bed upstairs started creaking in rhythm again. "Come on, Tony!"
said the wife. "Let's make love again!

Once again, Tony climbed on top of his wife and makes love to her
as hard as he could

As he was trying to fall back asleep 15 minutes later, the
bed upstairs started creaking in rhythm again. "Come on, Tony!"
said the wife. "Let's do it again!

So Tony grabbed a broom and pounded on the ceiling as he shouted,
"Hey, kids, cut it out! You're killing your old man down here!"

**ftvfatboy** · 12-02-2005, 04:49 PM

The Laws of Ducks
by Ken Fussichen

Duck Law No. 1
If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, looks like a
duck and cooks like a duck, it's a duck

Restatement: All things are known by their attirbutes

Duck Law No. 2
Even under ideal circumstances, no duck, no matter how
noble or well-intentioned, can be an eagle

Restatement: All things must be what they are

Duck Law No. 3
A duck can pretend to be an eagle except in times of adversity

Restatement: Pretense and adversity are inversely
proportional; adversity reveals the true nature of all things

Duck Law No 4
No duck may be an eagle until it abandons its webbed
feet and bill for talons and a beak

Restatement: All things remain as they are until the
attributes that define them are abandoned. Then, and
only then, can they evolve

Duck Law No. 5
Ducks are noble creatures. They shall not be penalized
in the eyes of other creatures because they are not eagles

Restatement: All things are honorable if they are what
they are honestly, even if they are different from you

Duck Law No. 6
The greatest duck that ever was cannot cannot fly as
high as even a modest eagle

Restatement: If one would soar with eagles, do not swim with ducks

Duck Law No. 7
Ducks flock. Eagles fly alone. Ducks and eagles never mingle

Restatement: Choose company wisely

Duck Law No. 8
A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why

Restatement: Sometimes there is no answer.

**ftvfatboy** · 12-02-2005, 04:55 PM

Bachelor Cooking

One evening two bachelors were talking over dinner. The conversation
drifted from sports to politics, and then to cooking. "I got a cookbook
once," said the first bachelor, "but I couldn't do anything with it."

"Too much fancy stuff in it, huh?" asked his friend.

"You said it!" the first guy replied, nodding. "Every one of those
recipes began the same way: 'Take a clean plate...'"

**ftvfatboy** · 12-02-2005, 09:34 PM

A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though he'd
just
escaped a tornado.

"What's wrong?" a woman asked.

"I just lost a game to Houlihan," the pro said.

"What? But Houlihan's the worst player I've ever seen.

How could he have beaten you?"

"He tricked me," the pro said. "On the first tee, he asked for a
handicap.

I told him he could have 30, 40, 50 strokes - any handicap he wanted.

He said, 'Just give me two gotchas.'"

"What's a gotcha?" asked the woman.

"That's what I wanted to know," the pro said."

Houlihan said, 'You'll see.'

Then, as I was teeing off, just as I had my club poised, he screamed
out
'Gotcha!'"

"I can guess what happened," the woman said.

"Sure," the pro said. "The scream threw me off, and I missed the ball
completely."

"Understandable," the woman said. "But still, that's only one swing.

How did he win the game?"

The pro answered, "You try swinging at a golf ball all day while
waiting for
that second 'gotcha!'"

**ftvfatboy** · 12-02-2005, 09:38 PM

GILC 2: The Great Indian Laughter Champions Downloads
Hey people,
I am back with episodes from the new laughter series on StarOne - Great Indian Laughter Champions. For now, i have all the 5 episodes telecasted so far. Hopefully in future, we will have all new episodes added after telecast on each friday. (Thanks to original content providers (thru torrents) at Desitorrents.)

here we go:

TGILC Episode 5:

http://files.filefront.com/GILC_Cha...;/fileinfo.html

Size: 144 MB, Duration: 42 mins, Bitrate: 472kbps, Codec: DivX.

(u need DivX codec to play this file. Download VLC player here : http://www.videolan.org/mirror.html...0.8.2-win32.exe)

Excerpt from this episode:

Raju Srivastav on cricket: (really funny esp the scene with irfan pathan and pakistan)

http://media.putfile.com/GILCEp5Oct14-RajuSrivastav34

(this link opens in a new window with video embedded. no trouble of downloading!)

- - - - - - - - -
Re: TGILC 2: The Great Indian Laughter Champions Downloads
TGILC Episode 1:

http://files.filefront.com/GILC_Ep1...;/fileinfo.html

Size: 147 MB, Duration: 43 mins, Bitrate: 475kbps, Filetype: wmv

enjoy!

---------------
Re: TGILC 2: The Great Indian Laughter Champions Downloads
TGILC Ep2:

http://files.filefront.com/GILC_Ep2...;/fileinfo.html

Size: 86 MB, Filetype: rar (5 real media files inside).

---------------
Re: TGILC 2: The Great Indian Laughter Champions Downloads
TGILC Episode 3:

http://files.filefront.com/GILC_Ep3...;/fileinfo.html

Size: 54 MB, Duration: 36 mins, Bitrate: 205kbps, Filetype: avi

--------------
Re: TGILC 2: The Great Indian Laughter Champions Downloads
TGILC Episode 4:

http://files.filefront.com/GILC_Ep4...;/fileinfo.html

Size: 241 MB, Duration: Length: 45 mins, Bitrate: 738kbps, Filetype: avi

-------------
Re: TGILC 2: The Great Indian Laughter Champions Downloads
TGILC SPECIAL Episode:

http://files.filefront.com/GILC_Spl...;/fileinfo.html

Size: 94 MB, Duration: 0:21:30, Bitrate: 612kbps, Filetype: avi

i guess those are all the episodes telecasted so far for this show. enjoy!

--------------
Re: TGILC 2: The Great Indian Laughter Champions Downloads
see the similar threads feature below. we should be getting these threads:

TGILC : The Great Indian Laughter Challenge - Downloads

Hillarious Show, MUST SEE & LISTEN -- Pehchan Kaun ?

Aishwarya, Bipasha, Kareena SANDAAS jaati hai?