The best of sadrar jokes

[atlantasia]

One day there was a Bihari going in a Fiat Car at 45KMPH on a highway
and enjoying his drive.
Suddenly a Sardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a Honda and peeped
into the car and shouted at the Bihari - "Kabhi honda chalaya kya?"
and sped off, The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother. After
some time the Surd came Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the opposite
direction, peeped into the car and shouted again "kabhi honda chalaya
kya?" and sped off , This time the Bihari was annoyed , since the
surd was teasing about his driving.
After some time again the Surd came back speeding and said the same
thing peeping into the car. The Bihari was about to say something but
the Surd goes off. This time the Bihari increased his speed but
suddenly stopped as he found the Surd lying on the road, bleeding.
He got down and mocked at the Surd "Kyon Surd , Kabhi Honda chalaye
kya?" The Surd said "Wohi to puch raha tha, Mein Brakes ko dhoond
rahatha."

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A surd wants to somehow get a doctorate. One of his friend advises
him to do research in zoology. So the surd decides to do his research
in zoology, that too with a Frog. He first keeps the frog on a table
and asks it to jump. It jumps.
Now he cuts one of its legs and keeps it over the table. Again he
asks it to jump. Again frog jumps.
Getting boosted by this development, now he cuts another leg and asks
the frog to jump. The frog jumps again.
Getting wondered about it, now he cuts the third leg and again asks
it to jump. The rog jumps.
Now he could not control the suspense and cuts the fourth leg and ask
the frog to jump. It doesn't. Immediately the surd writes in his
thesis "If you cut all the four legs of a frog, it will become deaf."

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A Surd prime minister visited the president of the neighbouring
country and complained about all this jokes about surds that others
tell each other. "This leads to the impression that all surds are
stupid", he said. "You should not take this so earnestly",answered
the neighbouring minister, "These are only jokes and not true
stories. And there are also stupid people in our country. I will
prove it to you."
Saying so, he went to his driver and said: "Please drive to my home
and find out, whether I am at home." The driver immediately went on
his way.
The surd prime minister was satisfied: "He is very stupid indeed.
There is a public phone just at the corner. It would have been easier
to call and check!"

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[atlantasia]

Santa Singh: "My doctor told me to drink carrot juice after a hot
bath to cure my cold."
Banta Singh: "Does it work?"
Santa Singh: "I don't know... I can never finish drinking the hot
bath."

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A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to tell his wife while
leaving for the office: "Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa."
One day his wife fed up of this, answered: "Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke
Baap."
That ended the husband's jokes.

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Banta started to explain his Adventure.
He had gone to a remote village on some work and due to his high
level of intelligence, couldn't finish the work on time.
He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn't find any
Hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he
can stay there for the night.
The Owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow
you to stay."
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for
the night.
The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry, I can't allow
you to stay."
He went towards the next house and without taking any
risks,asked, "Do you have grown up daughters?"
The Owner asked,"WHY?????????"
Banta replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night ....."

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SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven
eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the
night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone
anyway."

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[atlantasia]

A sardarji with a big bandage in his left hand told his friend (not a
sardar) that his hand was caught in the machine in the factory.
"oh!" exclaimed the friend and said "If it had happened to the right
hand you would have suffered triple than this"
"I am not a fool" said the sardar. "First the position was that only
my right was about to get caught...I instantly pulled it out and gave
my left hand inside"

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A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust
and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he
decides to ask Bhagwan for help.
He goes into the temple and begins to pray..........."Oh Bhagwan,
please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money,
I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lottery"
Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.
The Sardarji goes back to the temple................
"Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my
house and I'm going to lose my car as well"
"Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!!
Back to the temple..................
"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my
house, my car and my wife and children are starving.. I don't often
ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why
won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my
life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and
the Sardarji is confronted by the voice of Lord:
"SARDARJI, BUY THE DAMN TICKET FIRST"

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A sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to
wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager
comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this sardarji replies, "oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,
Wash Basin"

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[atlantasia]

One sardarji was appearing for his University final examination.He
takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper
for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes
off and throws them out of the window. His shirt, pant, socks and
watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks
what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar",
he says, "it says here, "Answer the following questions in brief."

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An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing construction work on
scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building...
They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and
cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm
going to jump off this building."The Italian opened his lunch box and
exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going to
jump off, too."
The surd opened his lunch and said, "Paratha and dal again. If I get
paratha and dal one more time I'm jumping too."
Next day - The American opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and
cabbage and jumps to his death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees
pasta and jumps too.
The Surd opens his lunch, sees paratha and dal and jumps to his death
also..
At the funeral..... The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I
had known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never
would have given it to him again!
The Italian's wife also weeps and says "I could have given him pizza
or lasagna! I didn't realize he hated pasta so much." Everyone turned
and stared at the Surd's wife...
"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He used to cook his own lunch!"

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Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low
all around his living room.
Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?"
Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras
here?"
Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few
minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World channel'.
How does he know that?"

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[atlantasia]

The Greatest Inventions planned by Prof. Santa Singh and Prof. Banta
Singh!
1. Water-proof towel
2. Solar powered flashlight
3. Submarine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dart board
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
10. Water-proof tea bag

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Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the United States.
They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot
screamed "The runway is ending!" The second pilot swiftly gets the
plane back up in the air.
They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they
touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the
runaway is ending!" The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up
in the air.
They make a big turn and start descending again. This goes on again
and again.
During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at those stupid
Americans, they build this huge and expensive airport but with such a
short runaway". I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide
they made it."

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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor, a
Sardarji, came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. He
opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his
house.
A little later he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went
to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily,
back into the house he went. As the man was getting ready to edge the
lawn, here our Sardarji came again, looking very heated up.

He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder
than ever. Puzzled by his actions, the man asked him, "Is something
wrong?" To which the ferocious Sardar replied, " There certainly is!
My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"

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[atlantasia]

Punjab Airlines
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We
apologize for the four day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather
and some overtime I had put in at the bakery.
This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is
not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck
is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety
standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with
us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50%
of our passengers have reached their destination. (I presume that the
other 50% were the terrorists themselves!!!) For the ones that don't
quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff have all the requisite experience
for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardesses Bubbly and Goldie
will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can
arrange to turn them off ! To make your free fall to earth pleasant
and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits!
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help
you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be
shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our
movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India, where their
movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin
is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow
down!
Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes
are made available to the aunties and swimming shorts to the uncles,
for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as
possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do
let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through
the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off
and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt,
kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of
you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a
flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend
my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help
yourself to the cockpit.
Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY.

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Punjab University Exam

Punjab Engineering & Medical Entrance Exam
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social
conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar, the last one being
Akbar the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The "Jana Gana Mana" is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR-spell
your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of India produces the most oranges? (a) Gujarat
(b) Russia
(c) Canada
(d) Pakistan
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you
have?
19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?
20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for efficiency began when
(approximately)? (a) B.C.
(b) A.D.
(c) still waiting

*You must answer at least three questions correctly to qualify*
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[atlantasia]

Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand
New - Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Banta, ke gaddi hai (What a car)Kithon laiye (where did
you get it from)
Santa:Main highway te lift mung reha se ... Gori Mem aaee te meine
kende "want a ride Mr. Singh" I hopped in, and she took me to the
woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to
me "Mr Singh, take anything you want"
Banta is quite excited and asks "tu ke keeta Santa"
Santa: Mian gaddi lai layee. (I took the car)
Banta: Changa keeta - kapde tenu fit bhi nahi aane se (good show -
you wouldn't have fit into her clothes)]

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There was a conference on the supernatural being held in the New
York. Santa Singh is attending Primarily because he has nothing
better to do on that perticular day.
The guy making the speech asks, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?"
Most of the hands go up.
"And how many of you have had some form of verbal interaction with a
ghost?"
About half the hands stay up.
"Okay, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?"
Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd.
"Gosh, that's pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, make love to a
ghost?"
One hand stays up. The crowd is all silent. The speaker blinks and he
gets closeer to the speaker.(Santa Singh)
"Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had sexual
contact with a ghost?"
Santa suddenly get his hand down and bushes, Ghost? "I thought you
said goat"

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More to come soon!!

[chinasnack]

good,thank you sir..........