Hillarious Come in and Njoy this Festival.Best Jokes(PART 2)

One day, a man travelling through a desert, loses his way and starts wandering around helplessly and aimlessly. After 2 hours, he gets very tired and thirsty. He is dying for some water, when he sees a peddler coming to him. He is very excited and begs the peddler for some water.

The peddler says, "Wanna buy some ties?"

The man is pissed off and says, "I am dying of thirst. What the fuck will I do with ties?"

The peddler continues, "No water! Only ties for sale."

The man shoos the peddler away. After 2 hours, the man can barely walk, dying of thirst. Again he sees a peddler coming and begs him for water. But this peddler also has only ties to offer him.

The man can’t stand it and leaves the peddler. After another 30 minutes, the man, now walking on his knees and on the verge of dying, meets another peddler and begs him for some water. But the peddler offers him ties instead at reasonable rates. The man doesn’t even have the energy to shout at the peddler so he simply moves forward.

After crawling for another 15 minutes, he is almost about to die, when he notices something which his eyes cannot believe.There is a five-star restaurant in the distance, with shady trees all around. Inside people are sitting in air-conditioning rooms eating and drinking. The man can’t believe his good luck and staggers his strength and walks to the door, very excitedly.

But the gatekeeper stops him and says, "Five star restaurant, sir! No one admitted without a tie."

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until he died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and said, "I don’t know what you’re laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."

There’s a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the ’mayyat’ are dancing the bhangra and singing and general ’balle balle’ is on.

The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its a marriage baraat.

So one of them asks Santa Singh,

"Singh saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?"

..... comes the reply,

" Haan ji ! Hai hi baat badi khushi ki !!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain* tumour se mara hai !!!!"

Santa ji naukri dhoond rahe they, India mein toe kahi se call aayee nahin...yahaan toe compniya mere standard kee nahin hai khair !!

Ab aaayee videsh ki baari... wahan se to ji pehali baar mein hi reply aa gaya. Bade khush...daru-sharu di party de dali. Dost poocchne lagge ki, bhai, bata to kon si company hai, kitni salary hai....

Santa: English main letter aayeaa hai, main tuhanu translate kar ke unana haaan .. Tau suno kya likhya hai..

"You Do not meet"

tum to milte hi nahin ho...bahut busy ho.

"our requirements"

Humhe to bahut zarooorat hai.

"no further correspondence"

Aage chitthi patri di jarurat nahin hai, jaise bhi ho jaldi se aa jao

"will be entertained"

Bahut khatir ki jayegi.

Scene: Raabert and Ajeet are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs a hole and water starts coming inside. Raabert is perplexed !

Raabert: Boss ab kya hoga ??

Ajeet: Raabert Ek aur hole bana do , aur ek hole me IN aur doosre me out likh do OUT. Ek hole se paani ander aayega aur doosre se bahar chale jayega !!

Santa & Banta Fixing Dents!

Santa was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.

His car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner decided to have some fun with Mr.Sant He told him just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, Mr.Santa went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car’s tailpipe. Nothing happened. He blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

His roommate, Banta, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

Santa told him how the repairman had instructed him to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Banta rolled her eyes and said ... "HELLLLO" Dont be stupid "First....You need to roll up all the windows"

nice updates.
jokes forum is again getting hot by ur posts

116 rply.
huge post.
when did u start this.
i think thiz would be going to be a huge success than part1

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ftvfatboy

nice updates.
jokes forum is again getting hot by ur posts

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thankk u bhaii...willl post moreee nn moreeeeeee :jump:

God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it’s true-the Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good."

God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what that E-mail said?

No?

I didn’t get one either!!