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maine usse dekha "abla" samajh kar
maine usse dekha "abla" samajh kar
uske baap ne mara mujhe peta "thabla" samajh kar
door se dekha tho abla baal bana rahi thi
door se dekha tho abla baal bana rahi thi
paas jaake dekho tho bhains ki poonch hil rahi thi
maine usse dekha "angle" badhal kar
maine usse dekha "angle" badhal kar
uske baap ne mara mujhe "sandal" badhal badhal kar
Santa Singh sees lot of guys running on the highway. He asks a bystander why all of the guys were running.
The man answers: "Theyre all running in the marathon race."
Santa Singh: "What do they get from that?"
The man : "The winner will get a prize!"
Santa Singh: "Then why are the others running?"
Business Partners
These three men went into business together and the first one said, "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I’m the president and chairman of the board."
"I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I’m appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."
"Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What’s that make me?"
The chairman said, "I’m appointing you vice president of sex and music."
"That sounds mighty fine," said Banta, "but what does it mean?"
"It means that when I want your fucking advice, I’ll whistle."
GOD NEVER MAKES A MISTAKE
After God created the world, he created people, us. He made every country with 2 special talents:
German: Good with language and respectful
Italian: Good with food and dancing
French: Good with accent and dressing
China: Good with population and travel
America: Good with Honesty, Political and Smartness!
Well, an angel goes to God and says "That’s not fair, America has 3 special talent!" "You’re right, hmmm. I’ll have the Americans be two of the following, not three."
So now American:
Who are Political and Honest, are not smart.
Who are Smart and Honest are not political.
Who are Smart and Political are not honest.
After all, God never makes a mistake.
How much Salary!
Bill Clinton was interviewing some candidates for personal secretary.
Monica Lewinski also comes there for the interview, the moment she enters Bill’s eyes roll about her, he asks her a few question, and later ask’s her how much would she like her salary per month.
Monica Lewinski replies $10,000 per month.
Bill say "No, Problem with Pleasure!"
To that Monica replies "with Pleasure 20,000 dollars Sir!"
Hand Jobs & Cheese!
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich $ 1.50
Chicken Sandwich $ 2.50
Hand Job $10.00
Checking his wallet he finds one single ten dollar bill. He walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am!"
The man replies "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
WIFE: I demand as good manners in bed, as at the dining table.
HUSBAND(on bed): Ok dear, can you pass me your boobs please?
Jogi Singh was making a documentary on Indian tribes. For this, he went to the deep jungles for the details. One day, Jogi Singh was walking along with two tribals in the jungle, when, all of a sudden, one of the tribal took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave.
The tribal stopped and hollered into the cave... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" and then listened very closely until he heard the answer..."Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave. Jogi Singh was puzzled and asked the other tribal what that was all about, was that person mad or something. "No", said the other tribal.
"It is mating time for us tribals and when you see a cave and holler, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", and get an answer back, that means that she is in there waiting for you.
Well, just about that time, the other tribal saw another cave. He took off and ran up to the cave, then stopped and hollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" When he heard the return, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!", off came the clothes and into the cave he goes.
Jogi Singh started running around the forest looking for a cave to find these women that the tribals had talked about. All of a sudden, he looked up and saw this great big cave. As he looked in amazement, he was thinking, "Man! Look at the size of that cave! It’s bigger then the ones that those tribals found.
There must really be something really great in this cave!" Well... he took-off up the hill with his hopes of ecstasy and grandeur. He got in front of the cave and ollered, "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He was just tickled all over when he heard the answering call of, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOOOOO!!! Off came his clothes and, with a big smile on his face, he raced into the cave.
The next day in the newspaper the head lines read, "NAKED SARDARJI RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN CROSSING A TUNNEL"!!!!!!
IT IS ALWAYS GUYS WHO ARE ROMANTIC! AND GIRLS ALWAYS PUT THEM DOWN!!
HE: I’m a photographer.i’ve been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon.i’ve been looking for a face like yours!!
HE: Hi! didn’t we go on a date once? or was it twice?
SHE: Must’ve been once.i never make the same mistake twice!!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too!!
HE:How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must’ve been given your share!!
HE: Is it hot in here or is it just you?
SHE:It’s hot!!
HE: I’d go to the ends of the world for you!
SHE: Okay, but would you stay there?
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I’m having a headache this weekend!!
HE: Go on, don’t be shy.Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: How, are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time!!
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don’t you already have one?
Top 20 Reasons E-Mail is Better than Sex
1) E-mails last as long as you want them to.
2) You can e-mail a complete stranger without getting arrested.
3) Big e-mails don’t hurt; little ones can satisfy.
4) You can e-mail people in public without getting funny looks.
5) You can e-mail somebody on the other side of the world.
6) You can e-mail people of either or both genders without being considered perverted.
7) You can turn a computer on without having to wear clothes that might make you catch pneumonia.
8) If you e-mail somebody once then don’t get in touch again you won’t feel too guilty about it.
9) People who e-mail a lot of different people in a short time don’t get called horrid names.
10) You can e-mail somebody who doesn’t want anything to do with you and they can’t put you in prison for it.
11) Nobody makes any big thing of the first time you e-mail somebody.
12) Using your fingers to e-mail isn’t considered vaguely disgusting.
13) You can talk loudly about e-mailing in front of your auntie and she won’t be distressed.
14) You can e-mail close relatives and nobody will really bother about it.
15) E-mail can’t get you pregnant.
16) Or give you nasty diseases.
17) You can e-mail somebody at any time of the month.
18) If you get a nasty e-mail you won’t need counselling afterwards.
19) After you’ve used a computer to e-mail, it won’t hassle you for coffee.
20) If somebody interrupts you while you’re e-mailing, you feel neither embarrassed nor frustrated.