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Arrest
Something you take when you are tired
Ashtray
A place where people put out cigarettes when the room doesn't have a carpet
Astronaut
When a spaceman scores nothing in his maths exam
Astronomer
A night watchman
Atom
A male cat
Atomic Bomb
Something that makes molehills out of mountains
Attack
A small nail
Attendance
Dance for 10 people
Auctioneer
A man who looks forbidding
Audio Visual
Sign language
Autobiography
A car's log book
Autograph
A chart showing the sales of cars
Automate
When your best friend is a robot
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Crazy Definitions : B
Backgammon
Game played by pigs
Bacteria
The rear of a cafeteria
Baked Alaska
The result of global warning
Balderdash
Running away from a crazy hairdresser
Ballyhoo
A directory of well known ballet dancers correctly called 'Ballyhoo's Hoo'
Bandsaws
Blisters on guitarist's fingers
Barbarian
The man who cuts your hair badly
Barbecue
An outdoor party for sheep
Barber's shop
A clip joint
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Barefaced
Looking like a bear
Bashful
A retired boxer
Bathing Beauty
A girl worth wading for
Bathtub
Part of a fat man that never goes underwater in the bath
Beckon
Send footballer on to the pitch
Bee
A hum-bug
Beehive
What mummy bees tell naughty bees to do
Beeline
What naughty bees get at school
Beetroot
A potatoe with very high blood pressure
Belladonna
Telephone a girl called Donna
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Bellicose
A warm, fat stomach
Bernadette
Set fire to your bills
Betwixt
Halfway through a chocolate bar
Bigamist
Someone who makes the same mistake twice
Big Top
Large hat worn by circus ringmaster
Bindweed
Tie up a weak person
Bird of Prey
Eagle that goes to church every Sunday
Birkenhead
Not very intelligent
Blazer
A fire that looks like a jacket
Blockade
Stop lemonade being delivered
Blood Brother
Vampire's relative
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Blubber
Weeping and whaling
Blunderbuss
A vehicle that goes from Edinburgh to Glasgow taking a short cut via London
Bore
Someone who wants to tell you about himself when yu want to tell him about yourself
Boxer
A fellow who stands up for the other fellow's rights
Boycott
A small bed that's no good for girls
Brussels Sprout
An ornamental fountain in the Belgian capital
Brainwave
Permed hair
Bulldozer
A sleeping bull
Bulletin
A can of corned beef
Bunions
What you get when you cross a rabbit with a leek
Buttress
A dairy maid who makes butter
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Crazy Definitions: C
Cabbage
The age of a taxi
Cabinet Pudding
School pudding made from furniture
Cactus
An overgrown pin cushion
Cagoule
Ghost's favourite raincoat
Calculate
Finish maths test ages after everyone else
Camel
A warped horse
Camelot
A herd of dromedaries
Campus
Cat that lives in a college
Cannibal
Someone who is fed up with people
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Capstan
Put Stan's hat on
Caramel
A motorised camel
Carbuncle
An automobile with a dent in it
Carnation
A country where everyone owns a car
Carnivore
Animal that goes round in circles
Carousel
Car that goes round in circles
Carpet
Material bought by the yard and worn out by the foot
Cartoon
A song you sing in the car
Catacomb
What goes with the cat's brush
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Catastrophe
The prize awarded to the top pussy at the cat show
Cat Burglar
Burglar who steals cats
Caterpillar
An upholstered worm
Cauliflower
The blossom a dog wears in his button hole
Celery
Wages paid to a gardner
Cellmates
Two germs living together
Chair
Headquarters for hindquarters
Champagne
The french for 'false window'
Charcoal
What the cleaning lady puts into the fire
Cheapskate
Skateboard for a budgie
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Chilli Powder
Fine snowflakes
Chipmunk
A french friar
Christmas Island
Where Santa spends the Summer
Chrysanthemum
Christopher and one parent
Circumference
The knight who designed the round table
Cliff Hanger
Where a giant leaves his coat
Climate
The only thing you can do with a ladder
Cloak
The sound made by Chinese frog
Coarse fish
Bad mannered fish
Coat of Arms
Monster's coat with 13 sleeves
Cocoon
A wound up caterpillar
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Coincide
The sensible thing to do when it's raining
Commentator
A talking spud
Committee
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours
Conceit
I-strain
Conference
A meeting of the bored
Coward
A man who thinks with his legs
Crane
A bird trained to lift extremely heavy weights
Criminal
One who gets caught
Crossroads
Angry motorways
Crowbar
A drinking place for cows
