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Campaign Funds
A politician was presenting his argument before the party�s finance committee. �I want a million dollars for my campaign,� he said.
�But your campaign won�t cost that much,� protested the committee members.
�I know that,� said the politician, �but in case I lose I want to be able to live comfortably.�
Detective!
A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"
"No, I am an undercover detective."
"So why are you in uniform?"
Today is my day off!
Two Sardar guys go on a fishing trip.
They spend a fortune renting all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
The first day they go fishing, but don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day and the third . This goes on until finally, on the last day of their vacation,
one of the men catches a fish.
While driving home the first Sardar turns to the other ... "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us nearly Rs 8,000?"
The other Sardar says, "Wow! It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!"
Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were going in an auto. They met with an accident and all three of them die.
Yama DharmaRaj was waiting for this moment. He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. He asks Yama as to why this discrimination isbeing made. All three of them served public. Similarly, took bribes, misused public post etc. He felt that there should be a formal test or a concrete way to decide this, and should not be just based on opinion.
Yama agrees to this and asks all three of them to appear for English test. PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly. Advani is asked to spell "ENGLAND" and he too passes. It is Laloo’s turn and he is asked to spell "CZECHOSLOVAKIA".
Laloo protests that he doesn’t know English. It is not fair that he is given a tough question and thus forced to fail.
Yama agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi is ideal).
PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and passes. Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes. Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....." Tough one. He Fails.
Laloo is not happy. Being a history student, he preferred only to be tested in History.
Yama says this is the last chance and he would not take any more tests. PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?". He replied "1947" and passed.
Advani is asked "How many people died in it?". He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000 (clue). Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It’s Laloo’s turn now. Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died. Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
MORAL: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT IS DETERMINED TO SCREW YOU, ANTICIPATE IT AND BE PREPARED TO ACCEPT IT. THERE IS NO ESCAPE.
Some Strange National Laws in Singapore
* Chewing gum on subways may result in fines and/or jail time.
* The sale of gum is prohibited.
* Homosexuals are not allowed to live in the country.
* As it is considered pornographic, you may not walk around your home nude.
* Failure to flush a public toilet after use may result in very hefty fines.
* It is considered an offense to enter the country with cigarettes.
* Cigarettes are illegal at all public places.
* It is illegal to come within 50 meters of a pedestrian crossing the street.
* If you are convicted of littering three times, you will have to clean the streets on Sundays with a bib on saying,"I am a litterer." This will then be broadcasted on the local news.
* It is illegal to pee in an elevator.
Main Aur mere roommates
Dedicated to all those who have shared an apartment.
Main Aur mere roommates
aksar Yeh Baatain Karte Hain...
Ghar saaf hota to kaisa hota
Main kitchen saaf karta,tum bathrooom dhote
main hall saaf karta, tum balcony dekhte
Log is baat pe hairaan hote
aur us baat pe haste....
Main aur mere roommates ,
aksar Yeh Baatain Karte Hain !!!
Yeh hara bhara sink hai
ya bartanon ki jang chidi hui hai
Yeh colour full kitchen hai
ya masalon se holi kheli hai
Hai farsh ki nayi design
ya doodh,beer se dhuli hui hain
Yeh cellphone hai ya dhakkan,
sleeping bag ya kisika aanchal,
ye airfreshner ka naya flavour hai,
ya trash bag se ati badboo
Yeh pattiyon ki hai sarsarahut
ke heater phirse kharab hua hai
Yeh sonchta hain roommate kab se gum sum -
Ke jab ke usko bhi yeh khabar hai
Ke machar nahi hai, kaheen nahi hai
magar uska dil hai ke kah raha hai
machar yaheen hai, yaheen kaheen hai !
Toand ( pet ) ki ye haalat, meri bhi hai, uski bhi,
dil mein ek tasvir idhar bhi hai, udhar bhi !!!
Karne ko bohot kuch hai magar kab kare hum
Kab tak yoon hi is tarah rahe hum
Dil kahta hai Safeway se koi vaccum cleaner la de
ye Carpet jo jine ko zoonz raha hai, fikwa de
Hum saaf rahe sakte hai, logon ko bata dain,
Haan hum roommates hai - roommates hai - roommates hai
Ab dil main yehi baaaat, idhar bhi hai udhar bhi......
Sab ko bata dain.........
It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me liberty, or give me death?" She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up.
"Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy.
"Now," said the teacher, "Who said ’Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Toshiba, "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do." As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper, "Damned Japanese."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982," he said.
At that point, feeling completely disgusted by Toshiba’s classroom superiority, a student in the back sighed, "I’m gonna throw up".
Teacher says, "Who said that?".
Again, Toshiba raises his hand and says, "George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister, 1991".
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Well suck my ...."
Once again, it’s Toshiba with the answer, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997".
FILMY POLITICS
* ATAL BIHARI VAJPAYEE - HERO NO.1
* JAYALALITHA - ABHI TO MAIN JAWAN HOON
* BAL THACKREY - SHER-E-HINDUSTAN
* SONIA GANDHI - AUNTY NO.1
* I.K.GUJRAL - MOHRA
* P.V.NARSIMHA RAO - AKELA
* T.N.SHESHAN - SHERDIL
* VEERAPPAN - JUNGLE MAIN MANGAL
* K.P.S.GILL - RANGEELA
* DAWOOD IBRAHIM - RAFOO CHAKKAR
* CHANDRABABU NAIDU - KABHI HAA KABHI NAA
* SUSHMA SWARAJ - SHERNI
* MAYAWATI - MISS-420
* MAYAWATI AND KANSHI RAM - EK DUJE KE LIYE
* KALYAN SINGH - BAAZIGAR
* LALOO PRASAD YADAV - MERI BIWI KA JAWAB NAHI
* RABRI DEVI - PATI PATNI AUR WOH (KURSI)
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
"If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "You would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 ounds and gets a thousand miles with a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50."
In response to all this goading, the GM chairman replies, "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"
CRICKET: As explained to a foreigner....
You have two sides, one out in the field and one on in. Each man that’s in the side that’s in goes out, and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he’s out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of game.
* An American had been to go to a cricket match while he was in England. He watched with pleasure as the team came out and the batsmanscored four runs off the six balls. then the umpire called "OVER". "Well", he said, getting up, "It’s a nice game-but it’s too short."