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The bowlers were getting a terrible roasting from the opposition’s opening batsman.
’Don’t worry,’ said the cocky young bowler, ’I know his weakness.’
He bowled three balls and every one was smashed over the boundary.
’I see what you mean,’ said the captain. ’He’s got a weakness for sixes!
Random Joke
Banta in France
Banta Singh was a business graduate, and had been out of school for several years. He had established a furniture store and was doing quite well. He decided to expand the lines he carried by adding some expensive French furniture he knew no one else in town carried.
He scheduled a buying trip to France. Banta’s first day in Paris was very successful and he found a number of pieces he thought he could profitably sell back home. After the arrangements were made to begin shipping this furniture home, he decided to celebrate with a glass of wine in a small sidewalk cafe.
The place was jammed, but he managed to find an empty table. Just about the time his wine arrived, a beautiful girl came by and motioned to the empty chair at his table with a questioning look on her face.
He assumed she wanted to sit with him and nodded his head "yes." The girl sat down with him. The girl tried to talk to him, but, alas, he understood not one word of French. He tried to talk to her, but, alas, she understood not one word of Punjabi. He had an idea. He took a napkin and drew a wine glass and a question mark. She nodded her head "yes." They sat quietly enjoying their wine.
When it was just about finished, Banta realised it was nearly time for dinner. He took another napkin and drew a picture of two people at a table eating dinner. She nodded her head "yes" and took him by the hand. She led him down the street to a very nice restaurant. They went in. The girl spoke with the head waiter and they were seated in a quiet corner where they could hear the band playing and see the dance floor. Banta could not read the menu since it was in French, so he allowed the girl to order for him. The food was excellent and the couple thoroughly enjoyed it.
After dinner, Banta took a napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.
She nodded her head "yes" and they danced to every song the band played, whether fast or slow. When the band quit playing and began to pack away their instruments, the couple returned to their table.
The girl took a napkin and reached for Banta’s pen. He handed it to her and she drew a picture of a four poster bed..........!
Banta is still wondering to this day how she knew he was in the furniture business!
When Bill met Monica...Bollywood Ishtyle
It all began on a day when Bill sat in the Oval Office and sang a number from Jewel Thief "Yeh Bill na hota bechara, kadam na hote awara," At that moment, Monica who was passing by the room, heard it and responded lustily from the corridor-"Bill, dhak dhak karne laga,mora jiyara darne laga.." And Bill, brimming with thrill, rushed to open the door, opened it and then realised that he is the President.
So he paused and looked helplessly at her (like Ajay Devgan in "pyaar to hona hi tha") but Monica could hear Kumar Sanu’s song in the back ground "Jab kisi ki taraf Bill Jhukne lage, baat agar juban par rukne laga, bol do ke tumne pyar hone lage.." she was touched though he wasn’t touching her yet, and said,"Dil Bill, pyaar vyar main kya janoo re.."
The next minute, when he saw the glint in her eyes, He realised there was hope and he gazed into Monica’s eyes (like Bobby Deol in Kareeb, and sang "Chori chori jab Bill ne kaha, chori chori jab nazarein mili, chori mein bhi hai mazaa!"Then he pulled her into his office (thinking Amir Khan in Ghulam) "Aankhon se toone yehkya keh diya ?" he asked her softly. "Bill ye deewana machalne laga.." Monica picked the cue and replied. "Yeh kya hua, pehle to aisa hota na tha, mein hoon kahan main janoo na.." Bill closed the door of his office and turned to her with a mischevious smile-"Hum tum ek kamre mein bandh ho, aur chabi kho jaye.." The rest is History. But as something happened inside the oval office on that fateful day the security guards only heard AR Rahman’s full throated title "Bill se, Bill se, Bill se...Bill to akhir Bill hai na.."
One day a lady came in running into police station where santa singh was police inspector...
And she said "praji..praji gajab ho gaya"
Santa singh asked "bhenji ki ho gaya"
The lady replied "mere pati 6 din pehle gobi ki sabji lene bazaar gaye the, aur abhi tak woh nahi laute hain"
On that santa singh replied " koi gal nahin bhenji, tusi aur koi sabji bana lo".
At the dentists
The Smiths were shown into the dentist’s office, whereMr Smith made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Smith turned to his wife "Show him , honey."
A boy and his date...
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town. Things were getting hot and heavy when the girl stopped the boy.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex," she said.
The boy just looked at her for a couple of seconds, but then reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After the cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.
"Why aren’t we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
Laloo Yadavs car is driving along a back country road on the way back to Patna , when all of a sudden a small dog jumps out in front of the car. The dog dies on the spot. Laloo, upset, tells the chauffeur to go find the owner of the dog so that he can pay the damages.
The driver is gone for two hours and when he comes back, he has a bag full of money, and a wondering look on his face. Laloo wants to know what happened.
Driver: "After reaching the village when I told some villagers what had happened, they called all the villagers. I thought today I would get a beating. However they started collecting money. I thought they would compensate the owner of the animal. Instead, they happily gave all the money to me."
Laloo says, "Sasoor ka natee, Tell me properly... what did you tell them?" The driver replied, "Hum kaha ki hum Laloo Yadav ka driver hoon, aur hum kutte ka baccha maar diya hoon!" (I am Laloos driver. I have killed the son of a bitch)
A company was going to hav a friendly "CRICKET" match with another company.
The bosses will b made the captains. one of the bosses goes home n has a conversation with his wife :-
Boss: I am very worried
Wife: Why what happened?
Boss: I have been made the captain for the cricket match
Wife: So what’s the problem??
Boss: I can’t play Cricket
Wife: Ohh!! Come on dear, this is India here it is understood that the captain doesnt know how to play!
Secret attraction
A small and exceptionally homely man had just started putting on his underwear when his daughter opened the door & entered the room.
"Mommy !" she cried, pointing to her father’s disproportionately ample endowment. "What’s that ???" "Well, sweetheart," said the woman, "that’s your Daddy’s secret attraction. If it weren’t for that, you wouldn’t be here, nor for that matter would I."
Shark attack
On a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coastal area for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the sea wall on Galveston Island in his Popemobile when suddenly he noticed a frantic commotion just off shore.
There was John Kerry struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25 foot shark.
As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with two men aboard. One of the men, President Bush, quickly fired a harpoon into the shark’s side while Dick Cheney reached out and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious John Kerry from the water. Then, using baseball bats, the two heroes beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.
Immediately, the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessings for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was bitter hatred between President Bush and John Kerry, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, President Bush asked Dick, "Who was that?" "It was the Pope," Dick replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has all of God’s wisdom."
"Well," President Bush said, "he may have access to God’s wisdom, but he doesn’t know squat about Texas shark fishing... how’s the bait holding up?"