Kid Jokes........{ Clean & Cute }

In the celebration of my Century Joke posts in Animal Jokes thread, im heading towards a new section of Kid Jokes...

Enjoy Everybody..

Starting with School Jokes...


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Bored with school...

Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth !
Pupil: What ?, and get bitten !


Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing ?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having trouble listening !


Why were you late ?
Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at home too !

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!


Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ?


Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not ?
Son: I don't feel well
Father: Where don't you feel well ?
Son: In school !

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you ?
Pupil: Not very much !

Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it !

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this ?
Pupil: This is my father speaking !

Father: How do you like going to school ?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between !

Our teacher talks to herself does yours ?
Yes, but she does't realise it, she thinks we're actually listening !

Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ?
Pupil: I did, I shook my head
Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you !

Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off.
Pupil: You have my permission !

Teacher: Will you stop looking at the clock at the wall and pay attention
Time will pass, but will you !

I didn't do my homework because I lost my memory
When did this start ?
When did what start !

The brain is a wonder ful thing
Why do you say that ?
Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class !

When I was you age I thought nothing of walking 5 miles to school
I agree, I don't think much of it myself !

Be sure that you go straight home
I can't, I live just round the corner !

Playing truant from school is like a credit card
Fun now, pay later !

Laugh and the class laughs with you.
But you get detention alone !

Crazy Definitions

A

Aardvark
A vark that thinks it's tough !

Abdomen
Men with beer bellies !

Abigail
Strong wind heard in a monastery !

Absent Minded
Oh ! I seem to have forgotten this one !

Absolute
The best musical instrument in the World, ever !

Abundance
Lots of dancing cakes

Abyss
An abbot's wife

Accidental
When you fall and knock your teth out on the way to the dentist
Acorn
An oak in a nutshell
Actor
A man who tries to be everything but himself
Adult
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and has started growing in the middle
Advertising
Makes you think you've always wanted something that you've never heard of before

Afford
A very popular make of car
Angler
Someone who is good at maths
Alarm Clock
Something to scare the living daylight into you
Announce
One sixteenth of a pound
Antelope
When two ants run off to get married
Anti-body
Uncle's fat wife
Anti-freeze
A female relative from Greenland

Apex
An old gorilla girlfriend
Appear
Something you fish off
Apricots
Beds for baby monkeys
Archeologist
A person who's career lies in ruins
Area Code
A cold that hits one part of the country at a time
Armies
The things you have up your sleevies
Aromatic
Early machine for making arrows