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chicken and gum


how did the gum get across the road? it was stuck to the chickens foot

Wild Rice


How did the patron in the restaurant know that he was served wild rice? Because the rice jumped out of the bowl.

Peanut


You hear about the two peanuts tha were walking down the street? One was a salted.

What is goose's favourite berry?


of course, gooseberry

the crisp walk


two crisps were walking along the road and a driver said "would you like a lift" and the crisps said no were walkers

Eating a chicken


Why did a man cross the road? To eat the chicken

the homework


Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Duck, Duck, Duck???


My story starts off with my ex-husband going duck hunting. First time ever. He came home with one duck and I was given the directions on how to clean it by our elderly...

Lettuce asks a Tomato


Q. What did the lettce say to the tomato? A.wheres the dressing room?

Hellycopter


Q: what wobbles when it flys?
A. a jellycopter!

Where's Pop


Q: what did the baby corn say to the momma corn?
A: Where's pop-corn?

Cheese


What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you? Nacho cheese!!!

Two Muffins In An Oven


Two muffins are baking in an oven. First muffin says: "Gettin' a little hot in here, isn't it?" Second muffin says: "AHHhhhh!!! A talking muffin!!"

carrot


whats orange and sounds like parrot?
CARROT

Toast


Q: Say toast three times. What do you put in a toaster?? A: Bread

Skeleton


A skeleton walks into a bar, he orders a beer, and a mop.

Bar, I said bar


two men walked into a bar, one ducked.

A string


There was a string and he went into a bar he told the bar tender hey pass me a beer. He said I’m sorry we don't serve strings. So he went out in the alley. He looked into a puddle...

What NOT to Say in a Bar


A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and yells, "I can lick
any man in the place!"

The nearest customer looks him up and down, then says,
"Crude, but direct....

Tequila


This guy walks into a bar, orders 10 shots of Cuervo. Slams all 10 in about 30 seconds. The bartender asks "Are you alright? Why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy responds, ...

Crying in His Beer


There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking
at his drink.

He stays like that for half-an-hour.


Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps...

Jar of Olives


McPherson walked into a bar and ordered martini after
martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a
jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks...

What is a Frog's Favorite Drink?


What is a Frog's Favorite Drink?
ANSWER: CROCK-A-COLA

Drinker's Fault Finding Guide


Symptom:
Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.

Fault:
Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of...