Jokes I enjoyed

[Perfection]

Jokes I enjoyed

Definitions:

Traffic cop : One who whistles while working.

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest of us....except that he got caught.

Body : The stuff that hangs on your bones.

Advice : Something that the wise don't need and the fools won't takes.

Bank : An institution where you can borrow money if you can supply enough evidence to show that you don't need it.

Secret : Something which we tell everyone, not to tell any one.

Newton's law of gravity : What goes up must come down.
Exception : Commodity prices in India.

[Perfection]

Ram : How long were you in jail?
Shyam : Two weeks.
Ram: What was the charge .
Shyam : No charge, everything was free.

Once a thief was convicted with three years rigurous imprisonment. The thief said, hand-bound, to the judge, : My Lord!, it's certainly not fair. While my right hand committed the theft, my whole body is being penalised. The judge was amused and remarked : "All right. I amend it. Now your right hand only serve this sentence". And the thief happily parted with his right wooden hand!.

[Perfection]

A mother wrote the following letter to her son : "Your sister has had a child. However, we are unable to tell whether it is a girl or a boy. Therefore, i cannot say if you have become an uncle or an aunt".

Agent : I've got some good news and some bad news.
Writer : First tell me the good news.
Agent : Paramount just loved your story, absolutely ate it up.
Writer : That's fantastic. And the bad news?.
Agent : Paramount is my dog.

[Perfection]

During India's war with Pakistan (in 1965), a bus bore a notice that was meant to say "Reserved for ladies". But some of the letters had been obliterated and the message, with ironic aptness, read "serve or die".

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A man went to see a doctor and after being prescribed some medicines, he asked nervously, "Doctor, will it have any reaction". The doctor replied, "You are talking about reaction, it will have no action".

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Two boys turned up at doctor's clinic. " I have swallowed a marble", said the smaller boy to doctor.
"I see," replied the doctor, "and is this our brother with you?"
"No," said the other boy, "I owe the marble".

[Perfection]

Best jokes

What can you serve but not eat?
A tennis ball.

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Which race is never run?
A swimming race.

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Father : What would you like to be when you grow up?
Sunil : A veterinary doctor.
Father : Why, a veterinary doctor?
Sunil : Because an animal can't complain of wrong treatment.

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New Yorker (looking at Niagra falls) : I bet you don't have anything like that in Texas!.
Texan : We don't, but we have a plumber in town who could fix that leak in ten minutes!.

[Perfection]

Jokes for you

Scout Master : Have you done any good turn today?
There scouts stood up together and said, "Yes, Sir".
S. Master : What did you do?
Scouts : We led a blind man across the road.
S. Master : That won't need three boy scouts!
Scouts : Actually the blind man did not want to cross the road!, we forced him.

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Notice in the toilet of an office : "This urinal is out of order. Please use the floor below".

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A person is unquestionably stupid -

You find yourself complaining to a waiter that the straw in your glass is upside down.

Your neighbour's radio blares at 3 am and you angrily call him up to demand that he change the station at once.

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What is the difference between a jailer and a jeweler?
A jeweler sells watches, a jailer watches cells.

[Perfection]

Laughing jokes

The visitor to the zoo noticed one of the keepers sobbing quietly in a corner and on enquiry was told that the elephant had died. "Fond of him, was he?" the visitor asked.
"It's not that". Came the reply."He's the chap who has to dig the grove".

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An absent minded surgeon was washing up after completing an operation when a colleague joined him and asked, "So, how did the appendectomy go?".
"Appendectomy ?" shrieked the surgeon. "I thought it was an autopsy!".

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Where do the birds meet for coffee?
In a nest-cafe.

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Lady in the middle of the road : "Can you tell me how to get to the hospital from here?".
Policeman : "Just stay where you are".

[Perfection]

Jokes I enjoyed

Albert : How many dead people are there in a cemetery?"
Alfred : "All of them".

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Barber : "Haven't I shaved you before, sir?"
Customer : "No, I got that scar in the war".

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Mister and Missus were sleeping. When Mister got up in the morning he found his wife dead. He quickly went to the kitchen and instructed the cook: "Boil just one egg today!".

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A famous British artist was critically ill. The doctor having done all he could closed his bag and prepared to leave. "I'll see you in the morning" he said cheerfully.
"Sure doctor," said the artist, "but will I see you?".

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Big man (in a theatre, to a small boy sitting behind him) : Can you see, sonny?
Boy : No, sir, not at all.
Big man : Then just watch me and laugh when I do.

[Perfection]

Bade Miyan was travelling in a bus and coughing incessantly. Fortunately, there was a doctor in the bus who gave him a tablet and said "Keep on sucking it". Bade Miyan continued to do so till he reached back his home. When he found the tablet not diminishing in size, he puked it out to find it to be a shirt button!.

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Sign in a small village "Drive carefully. No hospital nearby".

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A drunkard was moving in a typical way. He was keeping one foot on the foot-path and the other on the road. Suddenly a police constable came and hit him with his baton, saying "You idiot!, don't come to the road after drinking".

"Oh.. Thank You Sir", cooed the drunkard, for reminding me that I am drunk. And here I was thinking that I've gone lame!".

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Wife: "Why does our funds get short every week?"
Husband : "The trouble is that I work five days a week... and you spend seven days a week."

[Perfection]

Best jokes
In the court of a primitive country, the judge pronounced his judgement : "Hack of both the ears of the criminal!".

" No...no, Me lord! Mercy! or else I'd go blind," yelled the criminal.
"Fool! How can you be blind if your both ears hacked off?" asked the annoyed judge.

"Me lord! I use glasses of high number. When my ears are hacked off, what would hold my specks' legs?".

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He's so wealthy, he bought a boy for his dogs to play with".

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A patient came to pay his bill at a doctor's clinic and the doctor said "Didn't I say you would be walking within a couple of month?".
"That's true!, and here I am after selling my car to pay your bill".

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Dentist : Please stop crying. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient : I know, but you're treading on my foot.