BizHat.com Joke Mail - January 2006

**admin** · 01-01-2006, 08:43 AM

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** BizHat.com Joke Mail
** January 2006
** http://jokes.bizhat.com
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==> JOKE #1 <==

10 Excuses For Sleeping At Work
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1. ‘’They told me at the blood bank this might happen.'’

2. ‘’This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.'’

3. ‘’Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably got here just in time!'’

4. ‘’I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.'’

5. ‘’I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.'’

6. ‘’I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stess. Do you discriminate toward people who practice Yoga?'’

7. ‘’Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.'’

8. ‘’The coffee machine is broken…'’

9. ‘’Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot…'’

10. ‘’…..in Jesus’ name, Amen.'’

==> JOKE #2 <==

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

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GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

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GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

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GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.

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GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

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BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

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BOY: I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

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MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

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MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think,Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

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Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

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Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon"..
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

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Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

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Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

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Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

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Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

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Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

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Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

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Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

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Teacher : "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

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Teacher : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: "Because George still had the axe in is hand."

==> JOKES ON BIZHAT FORUM <==

HR Manager

http://forums.bizhat.com/viewtopic.php?t=17712

Reasons for Amitabh's illness

http://forums.bizhat.com/viewtopic.php?t=17694

==> FUNNY PICTURES <==

Funny Illusions

http://gallery.bizhat.com/showgallery.php?cat=612

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**ftvfatboy** · 01-11-2006, 07:59 AM

Three ways to catch Lion,
1st Newtons Method:- Let the lion catch you (For every action there is equal and opposite reaction)
2nd Einstein’s Method :- Run in the opposite direction to that of lion. Due to higher relative speed the lion will run faster and get tired. Now catch it.
3rd Indian Police Method :- Catch any animal and torture it till it accepts that it is lion.