Jokes by Aramannie

**aramannie** · 02-20-2006, 09:33 PM

ok i'm new... so just in case i will let u know: i m unsure if any of these jokes are repeated in another place. yet, i want to tell u that i didn't copy them from anyone of this site. i have my own sources & so on.. thanks:D

**aramannie** · 02-20-2006, 09:37 PM

Originally Posted by aramannie

ok i'm new... so just in case i will let u know: i m unsure if any of these jokes are repeated in another place. yet, i want to tell u that i didn't copy them from anyone of this site. i have my own sources & so on.. thanks:D

Men who run in front of car get tired.
Men who run behind car get exhausted.
Men w/ 1 chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Men who drive like hell bound 2 get there.
A countryman between 2 lawyers is like a fish between 2 cats. ...Benjamin Franklin.
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all that opposed them.
If u stay calm, while around u is chaos...then u probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
Artificial Intelligence is no match 4 Natural Stupidity
TEAMWORK means never having 2 take all the blame on urself.
Never underestimate the power of very stupid ppl in large groups.
INDECISION is the key 2 FLEXIBILITY.
Aim Low, Reach Goals, Avoid Disappointment

**aramannie** · 02-20-2006, 09:49 PM

dummy 1: did u read shakespeare?!
dummy 2: no, who wrote it??

**aramannie** · 02-21-2006, 07:29 PM

1- CHILDREN JOKES
TEACHER: Georges, go 2 the map & find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Georges!!!!!!

HAROLD: Teacher, would u punish me 4 smth I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD: Good, cz I didn't do my homework.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: r u chewing gum?
BILLY: No, I'm Billy Anderson.

TEACHER: Didn't u promise 2 behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: & didn't I promise 2 punish u if u didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect u 2 keep urs.

TEACHER: I hope I didn't c u looking @ Don's paper.
JOHN: I hope u didn't either.

TEACHER: Well, @ least there's 1 thg I can say about ur son.
FATHER: What's that?
TEACHER: w/ grades like these, he couldn't b cheating.

**aramannie** · 02-21-2006, 07:33 PM

TEACHER: If u had 1 dollar & u asked ur father 4 another, how many dollars would u have?
VINCENT: 1 dollar.
TEACHER (sadly): u don't know ur arithmetic.
VINCENT (sadly): u don't know my father.

BOY: Isn't the principal a dummy!
GIRL: Say, do u know who I am?
BOY: No.
GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter.
BOY: & do u know who I am?
GIRL: No.
BOY: Thank goodness

TEACHER: How old were u on ur last birthday
STUDENT: 7
TEACHER: How old will u be on ur next birthday?
STUDENT: 9.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm 8 today.

TEACHER: Willy, name 1 important thg we have today not having 10 years ago.
WILLY: Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do u always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer 2 the ground then u are.

TEACHER: Why r u late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The 1 that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

GARY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give u.

**aramannie** · 02-21-2006, 07:57 PM

TEACHER: If u had 1 dollar & u asked ur father 4 another, how many dollars would u have?
VINCENT: 1 dollar.
TEACHER (sadly): u don't know ur arithmetic.
VINCENT (sadly): u don't know my father.

BOY: Isn't the principal a dummy!
GIRL: Say, do u know who I am?
BOY: No.
GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter.
BOY: & do u know who I am?
GIRL: No.
BOY: Thank goodness

TEACHER: How old were u on ur last birthday
STUDENT: 7
TEACHER: How old will u be on ur next birthday?
STUDENT: 9.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm 8 today.

TEACHER: Willy, name 1 important thg we have today not having 10 years ago.
WILLY: Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do u always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer 2 the ground then u are.

TEACHER: Why r u late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The 1 that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

GARY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give u.

**aramannie** · 02-23-2006, 05:29 PM

SILVIA: Dad, can u write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do u want me to write?
SYLVIA: ur name on this report card.

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: u can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

TEACHER: How can u prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting w/ "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

MOTHER: Why on earth did u swallow the money I gave u?
JUNIOR: u said it was my lunch money.

TEACHER: If I had 7 oranges in 1 hand & 8 oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS: Big hands!

TEACHER: John, how do u spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but u ask me how I spell it!

**aramannie** · 02-26-2006, 09:56 PM

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What r u talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday u said it's H to O!

Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny: "Sir, my Mother & Father got married on the same day same time."

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do u know why his father didn’t punish him?"
Johnny: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do u say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Teacher: Desmond, ur composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as ur brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

Teacher: What do u call a person who keeps on talking when ppl r no longer interested?
Pupil: A teacher.

Teacher: "Sam, u talk a lot !"
Sam: "It's a family tradition".
Teacher: "What do u mean?"
Sam: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher: "What about ur mother?"
Sam: "She's a woman".

**aramannie** · 02-26-2006, 10:01 PM

Tom: "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

Teacher: "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey & stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student: "Brotherly love".

Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil: "The moon".
Teacher: "Why?"
Pupil: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

KID: I got an F on math, the teacher asked me hat’s 3*2, I said 6
FATHER: that’s right!
KID: then he asked me what’s 2*3
FATHER: what’s the fucking difference?
KID: that’s what I said!!!

TEACHER: Mandy, it is impossible for a whale to swallow a human cz even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.
MANDY: Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
TEACHER: it is impossible 4 a whale to swallow a human!!!
MANDY: When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah
TEACHER: what if Jonah went to hell?
MANDY: Then u ask him".

TEACHER: what are u drawing Sue?
SUE: I’m drawing God
TEACHER: But no one knows what God looks like.
SUE: They will in a minute.

TEACHER: kids u should buy a copy of the group picture, Just think how nice it will be to look at it when u are all grown up & say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or That's Michael. He's a doctor.'
Tommy: & there's the teacher. She's dead."

**aramannie** · 02-26-2006, 10:03 PM

TEACHER: Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as u know, would run into it, & I would turn red in the face."
CLASS: yes
TEACHER: Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
TOMMY: Cause ur feet ain't empty

Teacher: use the word beans in a sentence "
Tom: My Father grows beans
Tim: My father cooks beans
little Johnny: "We are all human beans."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, & posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line,at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all u want. God is watching the apples.

a little girl was watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink, when She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out. She inquisitively asked, "Why are some of ur hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that u do something wrong & make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while & then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"