1. Two eggs are in a frying pan and one says “Man it’s hot in here.” The other one says “Holy sh*t a talking egg!”

2. Two guys are looking a dog lick its balls and one says “Man, I wish I could do that.” The other guy says, “Really? I think I’d just pet him first."

3. A bear walks into a bar and says “I want a bourbon and….a coke”, the bartender asks “what’s with the huge pause?” The bear say “I’ve had them all my life.”