Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

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One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ...just #$&#*&^# beautiful!

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one day johnnys mom teached him how to use the bathroom in six steps 1. pull pants down 2. pull penis out 3. pull foreskin back 4. pee 5. push foreskin foreward 6. pull pants up one day johnnys mom passed by the bathrooma dn heard johnny saying his steps she felt proud of what she had done then she heard him repeat the steps 3,5,3,5,3,5,3,5,

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One day Little Johnny came home from school and asked his mom what they were having for dinner.She said that it was a surprise and him and his brother would have to guess what it is after they try it.Well dinner time came and they started eating it,but they couldn't figure out what it was.So Little Johnny asked his mom for a hint.She said,"Okay,I'll give you a hint.I call your father this."Little Johnny said to his brother,"Quick Bobby, spit it out,its asshole!"

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Little johnny was on his way to c his nxt door neighbour because they just had a new born baby and little johnny wanted to go and visit it! His mum knows what Johnny is like so she tells him to be on his best behaviour! Unfortunately the baby was born without any ears so the mum told Johnny not to make fun or make any stupid remarks otherwise he will be in deep trouble! Once they got round to their neighbours house, there lay the baby fast asleep in its mums arms. "ahh wot a lovely baby! Is everything ok with him?" said Johnny "o yes he is perfect! Sence of smell is spot on,Breathing is perfect and he has 20/20 vision!" replied the mum. "o good!" said Johnny, "because if he didnt then he wouldnt b able 2 wear glasses!"

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Little Johnny was sitting in his classroom when his teacher asks what sounds animals make. First the teacher asks,"what sound does a cow make?" Susie raises her hand and says moo. "Good job susie" says the teacher. Then she asks what sound does a duck make? Billy raises his hand and says quack. Next the teacher asks what sound a pig makes. Little Johnny raises his hand and says," Get your black ass out the car, put your hands above your head, and spread your legs!"

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One day a 5th grade class was taking a field trip but the weather was extremely bad and the trip was to be delayed and they had to stay in a hotel for the night. So Little Johnny was sleeping in the same room as his teacher. In the middle of the night the teacher woke up and was frightened by the sight of Alex standing right over her. He asked if he could sleep with her cause he couldn't sleep. She said okay, then Johnny asked to lay a little closer and she said okay. Then he asked if he could put his finger in her belly button and she said "NO" "But my mommy lets me do it when I can't sleep and it helps." So the teacher says, "Okay fine, do whatever your mom lets you do." A few minutes later the teacher says "OH.that's not my bellybutton."And Johnny says, "that's not my finger."

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one night little johnny's brother woke him up he said "come and see this", so they went down and his brother said "look in the key hole" little johny does little johnny replies"eww", little johnny's brother say's yeah and that's the same bitch who grounded you for sucking your thumb

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Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!" "Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women." Sure enough, the very next sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" "But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"

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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself

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Little Johnnie was in scool and his teacher wanted to play a game with the glass. "Ok Class..I have a bag of different fruits in this bag and I am going to describe them to you and I want you to guess what they are..Ok the first one is long and hard and round" Little Johnnie raised his hand but the teacher knew how he tended to answer questions so she picked on Sara. "is it a banana" sara said "No its a yam but I like the way your thinking...ok the next is round and soft" Again Little Johnnie was raising his hand but again the teacher passed on him and asked mikey. "is it a peach?" Asked Mikey. " No its an orange, but I like the way your thinking." By this time Johnnie is so frustrated that the teacher won't pick him to answer he decides to ask her some of his own. "Teacher Teacher"Little Johhnie calls out "I have a couple questions for you" "Ok Johnnie what are they?" "There are three women in an icecream parlor eating ice cream. One is biting the cone, one is licking the cone, and the other is sucking the cone..which woman is married?" The teacher is a little thrown off by this question..hesitates and answers.."the one sucking the cone?" "No" Little Johnnie says "It's the woman with the ring on her finger, but I like the way your thinking. I have another question for you." the teacher says "Ok Little Johnnie what is it?" He puts his hand in his pocket and says "I have something that is round, hard, and has a head ...what is it?" The teacher gasps and says "Little Johnnie that is disgusting!" Little Johnnie grins and says "It's a quarter, but I like the way your thinking"

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one day a teacher was telling her class about even though a whale is so big it has a small throat and cant swallow people. little johnny got up and said what about jonah and the teacher said it was impossible and he said when i get to heaven i'll ask him and the teacher said what if he didn't go to heaven and little johnny said then you ask him

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A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.

She brought in a variety of sweets and said, "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these."

The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.

I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time."

Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, "Quick! Spit'em out! They're assholes!"

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Little Johnny was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of Little Johnny's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "Johnny, for pity's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?"

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There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.
They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel -- they said, because it was bigger.

One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"

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Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, "Put that away, Little Johnny. You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play."

Little Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with."

Trying to placate him, she says, "OK. I'll play with you. What do you want to play?"

"I wanna play 'Mommie and Daddy,'" Little Johnny whines in reply.

Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?"

Little Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down as if you're taking a nap."

Figuring that she can easily control the situation, Mom goes upstairs.

Little Johnny, acting a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He puts on his father's old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs, he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.

His mother raises her head and asks, "What do I do now?"

In a gruff manner, Little Johnny says, "Get your ass downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!"

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Little Johnny was sitting at the top of his stairs with his cat one day eating smarties. He would eat a smartie, bite the cat, and move down a stair.

His dad saw this and watched him do it a couple of more times.

The kid would eat a smartie, bite the cat, and move down a step.

He watched his son do this one more time and he finally had to ask him what he was doing.

He said, "Son, you eat a smartie, bite the cat and move down a step. What are you doing?"

His son said, "I'm practicing to be a truck driver."

His father said, "What do you mean?"

Son said, "I'm popping pills, eating pussy, and moving on."