SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live
on!"

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LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my
husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see
what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me
up!"

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QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his
wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me
when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and
replied, "You're never home!"

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CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his
"manhood" was mangled and tornfro m his body. His doctor assured him
that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his
insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered
cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small,
$6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor
urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.

The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking
dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the
doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

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WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX:
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting
you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

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WOMEN'S HUMOR:
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will
make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the
bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back
in.

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world." The woman says..... "I'll miss you."