Adult Jokes (A)

**voldamar** · 03-17-2009, 12:35 PM

A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.

'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks.

'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.

The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says 'Are you the bird I shagged on my stag night, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my arse?'

'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'

**voldamar** · 03-17-2009, 12:36 PM

What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair?

Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists.

**voldamar** · 03-18-2009, 01:48 AM

Tampax are changing their design they are replacing the string with a
piece of tinsel ....

This is for the Christmas period only!

**voldamar** · 03-23-2009, 04:35 PM

Lady goes on vacation to Jamaica . Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What is your name?'

'I can't tell you,' the black man says.

Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same, he can't tell her. On her last night there she asks again 'Can you please tell me your name?'

'I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me. ' says the black man.

'There is no reason for me to laugh at you,' the lady says. 'Fine, my name is Snow!' the black man replies. And the lady bursts into laughter, and the black man gets mad and says, ' I knew you would make fun of it'.

The lady replied, 'I'm not making fun of your name. I'm thinking of my husband who won't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in Jamaica .

**voldamar** · 03-23-2009, 05:00 PM

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.

Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remem= ber to use a timer.

A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.

You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move an d should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Daily Thought:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES; NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.