repost:one or 2 liners

07-19-2005, 01:56 PM

im not alone cuz the tvs on

they say when you play a microsoft cd backwards you hear demens, thats nothing when you play it forewards it installs Window

im not crazy cuz i take the right pills, every day

Computers are like air-conditioners: both stop working, if you open windows.

A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?

Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO something

My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them

I haven't lost my mind I have a tape back-up somewhere

WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.

MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating System Hangs.

MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software is Only for Fools and Teenagers

I finally made my stupid computer faster I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast
If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever to get a 'fix' of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine

In God we trust, all others we virus scan

It's not a bug - it's an undocumented feature.

Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

A dirty book is rarely dusty

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $5.95. a minute.

My reaction to porn films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.

We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.

Sex is God's joke on human beings.

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats.

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

Sex relieves tension - love causes it.

If you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the same time.

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease in the twentieth, it's a cure.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less.

Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct.

the pope is not playing-da-game. He no make-a-da rules!(in regards to pope's views on sex)

Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled.

The tragedy is when you've got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Pornography is supposed to arouse sexual desires. If pornography is a crime, when will they arrest makers of perfume?

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.

An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets.

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.

men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.

Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.

There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that becoming taxpayers won't cure.

Teenagers complain there's nothing to do, then stay out all night doing it.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.

You don't have to suffer to be a poet. Adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.

A boy becomes an adult three years before his parents think he does, and about two years after he thinks he does.

You can tell a child is growing up when he stops asking where he came from and starts refusing to tell where he is going.

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

a friend will get you out of jail, but a best friend will be setting there next to you, saying that was fucking tight

Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.

Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight?

I like my new telephone, my computer works just fine, my calculator is perfect, but Lord, I miss my mind!

Dont be a fool, warp you tool

every time you masturbate god kills a kitten, plz think of the kittens!