Hahahah.........

**shweta** · 09-29-2009, 06:17 AM

Office memo

Dear Staff,
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet pater roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offender” category.

Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week.

**rameshxavier** · 09-29-2009, 06:25 AM

Husband crying in front of TV

wife:which serial r u watching?

.

.

.

Husband : No serial our marriage CD

**shweta** · 09-29-2009, 07:16 AM

A complex love story

Hero loves heroine , but heroine loves the villain.
But villain loves hero’s sister,and hero’s sister loves heroine’s brother
Here, heroine’s brother loves villain’s sister .
But villain’s sister loves hero’s brother. .

Again!, hero’s brother is also interested in heroine , and you already know that heroine loves villain.
Finally two people commit suicide.
Who’re they? ……….. Producer and the Director!!

**shweta** · 09-29-2009, 07:51 AM

sardar went to forest with his friend , pettenne oru puli munnil chaaady.!! friend puliyude kannil manne vari ittu.
Frnd: oodikko??
Sardar: njanethine odanam nee alle manne vaary ittathe..!!!

**shweta** · 10-01-2009, 07:03 AM

In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please!
Saint: I don't have.
TT: Where do you want to go?
Saint: Lord Ram's birth place, Ayodhya!
TT: Come, lets go!
Saint: Where?
TT: Lord Krishna'a birth place, Jail.

**shweta** · 10-01-2009, 07:18 AM

Can v do romance in the evening today?

I'm in a good mood
Just a little bit of kissing and biting

reply me soon!

urs lovingly

"MOSQUITO"

**shweta** · 10-02-2009, 06:37 AM

If students get wrong concept

A college student was in a philosophy class, where there was a class discussion about whether or not God exists, The professor had the following logic:
“Has anyone in this class heard God?” Nobody spoke. “Has anyone in this class touched God?” Again, nobody spoke. “Has anyone in this class seen God?”
When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, “Then there is no God.”

The student did not like the sound of this at all, and asked for permission to speak. The professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:
“Has anyone in this class heard our professor’s brain?” Silence.
“Has anyone in this class touched our professor’s brain?” Absolute silence.

“Has anyone in this class seen our professor’s brain?”
When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, “Then, according to our professor’s logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!”

**rameshxavier** · 10-03-2009, 06:22 AM

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the
day time when we don't need it".

**rameshxavier** · 10-03-2009, 06:22 AM

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH : "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

**shweta** · 10-03-2009, 08:10 AM

Gal: Do you have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says To the only boy I ever loved.
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them!!!!