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[annie]

Bill's company made software to run a car.

Bill was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.

Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.

A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?"

Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.

In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.


He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.

Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.

A message appeared on the screen, "An illegal function is performed.
All the window-panes of the car will be closed." Poor Bill died.

Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him, "You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life. You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell."

Bill pleaded, "I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please."

Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.

[annie]

Best of Customer and Tech Support
Help desk realities:
Still wondering why call center people get paid so much (..........)
for just being on the phone, take a look and you will get the answers:
---------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
---------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
---------------------------------------------------------

Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

---------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support: ?!%#$

---------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

---------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer: "A white one."

---------------------------------------------------------


Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"




Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery
store."

---------------------------------------------------------


Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
---------------------------------------------------------

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

---------------------------------------------------------


Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24
hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

---------------------------------------------------------


Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

---------------------------------------------------------

A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his
computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech
is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there
is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you
the file.
Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

---------------------------------------------------------


Customer Care Officer: "I need a product identification no. right now
and may I help u in finding it out?"
Customer: "Sure"
CCO: "Could u left click on start and find 'MyComputer'?"
Customer: "I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?"

[annie]

Universal Truth...

" WE ARE JUST FRIENDS "

Girl use this sentence when they want to start the relation...

Boys use it when they want to end the relation...

================================================== ==


Smile :- A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Rumor :- News that travels at the speed of sound.
Dictionary:- The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
College :- A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
Ecstasy :- A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Office :- A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.
Yawn :- The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc. :- A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee :- Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Classic :- A book which people praise, but do not read.
Marriage :- It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master's.
Worry :- Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
Experience:- The name men give to their mistakes.
Tears :- The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
Atom Bomb :- An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher:-A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat :- A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Optimist :- A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser :- A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father :- A banker provided by nature.
Criminal :- A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught.
Boss :- Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician:- One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor :- A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Software Engineer:- Who is paid for reading this mail.

[annie]

Over Confidence..

1. Once, all villagers decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all the People gathered but only one boy came with an umbrella...

THAT'S FAITH

2. When you throw a baby in the air, she laughs because she knows you will catch her...

THAT'S TRUST

3. Every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next Morning but still we set the alarms in our watch to wake up...

THAT'S HOPE

4. We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future or having any certainty of uncertainties...

THAT'S CONFIDENCE

5. We see the world suffering. We know there is every possibility of same or similar things happening to us. But still we get married??...

THAT'S OVER CONFIDENCE!!

[annie]

ഗള്ഫില് നിന്ന് മാമന്: ഞാന് വരുമ്പോള് നിനക്ക് എന്താ കൊണ്ടുവരണ്ടേ ടിന്റു മോനെ
ടിന്റു മോന് : മൊബൈല് ഫോണ് മതി മാമാ
മാമന് : "nokia" മതിയൊ ടിന്റു മോനെ
ടിന്റു മോന്: നോക്കിയാല് പോര മാമാ വാങ്ങണം
ടീച്ചര് : ആകാശത്ത് പറക്കുകയും ഭൂമിയില് പ്രസവിക്കുകയും ചെയ്യുന്ന ഒരു ജീവിയുടെ പേര് പറയൂ...
ടിന്റുമോന്: എയര് ഹോസ്റ്റെസ്
അപ്പന് : നിന്നെ പള്ളീലച്ചന് ആക്കാമെന്ന് ഞാന് നേര്ച്ച നേര്ന്നടാ.
ടിന്റു മോന്: ചതിച്ചല്ലോ അപ്പാ... എന്റെ മോനെ പള്ളീലച്ചന് ആക്കാമെന്ന് ഞാനും നേര്ന്നിരിക്കുവാ...
പള്ളീലച്ചന് : ദൈവം തമ്പുരാന് മോളീന്ന് വിളിച്ചാല് നമ്മള് എല്ലാരും പോകണം തിന്ടു മോനെ
ടിന്റു മോന് : ദൈവം തമ്പുരാന് മോളീന്ന് വിളിച്ചാല് "മോളി" മാത്രം പോയാല് പോരെ അച്ചോ...
അപ്പന്: പരീക്ഷക്ക് നീ തൊട്ടാല് പിന്നെ എന്നെ അപ്പാ എന്ന് വിളിച്ചുപോകരുത്...
കുറച്ചു ദിവസം കഴിഞ്ഞു...
അപ്പന്: എന്തായടാ റിസള്ട്ട്?
ടിന്റുമോന് : അളിയാ ... സോറിഡാ.. 5 വിഷയങ്ങളില് തോറ്റു പോയി മച്ചൂ...
ടീച്ചര്: ആറില് അഞ്ചു പോയാല് എന്ത് കിട്ടും?
ടിന്റു മോന്: അന്ച്ചുവിന്റെ ശവം കിട്ടും ടീച്ചറെ അവള്ക്കു നീന്താന് അറിയില്ല

[annie]

Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

***********

Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

***********
Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

***********
Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

***********

Loud Sigh

Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

***********
That's Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

***********

Thanks

This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

***********

[annie]

Poems written by WIFE and HUSBAND



WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND:
God saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

HUSBAND:
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?

WIFE:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but laughing at you…

[annie]

An IDEA can change ur Life ...
But, a Girl Can change Ur IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!





LoLzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[lazymoney]

hahaha
very funny!

[nicole61]

Hello dear all,

This is Nicole Anderson.
I am new to this forum.This is very nice forum. This joke forum is very good.These are very funny and nice jokes.Thank you.

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