Pull Over!

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"


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A policeman sees a car weaving all over the road and hits his flashing lights. He walks up to the driver's window and sees a good looking woman behind the wheel. There is a strong smell liquor on her breath.
He says, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."
She blows up the balloon and he walks it back to his patrol unit. After a couple of minutes, he returns to her car and says, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."
She replies, "You mean it shows that, too?"


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New Recruit

Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!


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Another Drunk Driver

There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.
"YOU'RE DRUNK!" exclaimed the police officer.
"Thank God for that!" said the drunk, "I thought the steering had gone."


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American/Russian

At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians.

American : "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police."
Russian : "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."


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More LA Cops

How does an LA policeman go fishing?

He catches one fish, then beats it until it tells him where the others are.


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Theater Guest A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The man groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied "... the balcony."


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Little Johnny

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"


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Q: Five policemen were on a boat. The boat sank. How many policemen died?
A: 10. Five during the accident, and five during the re-enactment.