30 Days Or $30

A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge said, "What will you take....30 days or $30."
The man replied, "I think I'll take the money."


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The Irishman And The Cop

An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand.
A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you lad?"
"Yes, sssshombody stole me car!" the Irishman replies.
The cop asks, "Well now, where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It was at the end of this key."
About this time the cop happens to notice that the Irishman's member is being exhibited for all to see. He then asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself, sir?"
The Irishman looks down woefully and moans "Oh, gosh me golly, they stole me girlfriend, too!!"


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Write Your Own Joke

The old sheriff was driving along when there was an announcement on his radio that he was needed urgently at the scene of a major accident. When he got there, he found a local farmer filling in a large trench with his tractor.
"What y'all doin', son?" He asked.
"Well, sheriff," he replied, "I came across this accident, and I thought I would do the right thing." Said the farmer.
"And what might that be?" asked the sheriff.
"Well this busload of "_______" just got plowed into tiny pieces by the passing train, and they were all killed instantly. I was just giving them a decent burial." Replied the farmer, while chewing on a piece of straw.
"Whoa, son," said the surprised sheriff, "That was fast! Y'all sure every one of 'em "_______" was dead?"
"Well," said the farmer, "two or three of 'em kept sayin' they weren't, but you know how them "_______" lie all the time."


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A Drunks Dog

A drunk takes his dog for a walk. After awhile he gets thirsty so he ties his dog to a parking meter in front of a bar and goes in for a couple of beers.
After he has been there for an hour or so the local policeman enters the bar,"Whose dog is tied up out front?"
The drunk responds, "That's my dog. Is there a problem officer?"
"Well she's in heat," says the cop."
"Oh, she'll be all right. It's shady out there."
"That's not what I mean. Your dog needs to be bred."
"I gave her a half of a loaf this morning. She's fine."
At this point the policeman is becoming a little upset. "Listen buddy! You don't seem to understand what I am talking about. That dog wants to mate."
"Oh, go right ahead officer, I've always wanted a police dog."