Viola Jokes

How is lightning like a violist's fingers?

Neither one strikes in the same place twice.

How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?

Put it in a viola case.

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?

The viola burns longer.
The viola holds more beer.
You can tune the violin.
We all know that a viola is better than a violin because it burns longer. But why does it burn longer?

It's usually still in the case.


How do you get a viola section to play spiccato?

Write a whole note with ``solo'' above it.

How do you get a violist to play a passage pianissimo tremolando?

Mark it ``solo.''

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?

The coffin has the dead person on the inside.

What do you do with a dead violist?

Move him back a desk.

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a viola and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up a viola.

What's the definition of a minor second?

Two violists playing in unison.

What's the definiton of ``perfect pitch?''

Throwing a viola into a dumpster without hitting the rim.