Kid Jokes........{ Clean & Cute }

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A silly boy spent the afternoon with some friends, but when the time came for him to leave, a terrific storm started with thunder, lightning and torrential rain.
'You can't go home in this,' said one of his friends, ' you'd better stay the night.'
'That's very kind of you,' said the boy. ' I'll just run home and get my pyjamas.'

Mummy, mummy, what's a werewolf ?
Be quiet, John and comb your face !

Mr Grouch was enraged when young Joe from next door began throwing stones at his greenhouse. ' I'll teach you, you young rogue !' roared the furious neighbour. 'I'll teach you to throw stones at my greenhouse !'
'I wish you would,' said the insolent lad. 'I've had three tries, and I haven't hit it yet !'

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The swing doors of the Wild West saloon crashed open and in came Little Pete, black with fury.
'Alright !' he raged, 'alright ! who did it ? what goldarned carmint painted my horse blue ?'
And the huge figure of Black Jake, notorious gunfighter and town baddie, rose from a chair by the door. ' It were me, shrimp,' he drawled, bunching his gigantic fists. ' What about it ?'
'Oh, well, er' stammered little Pete wretchedly, ' all I wanted to say was ..... when are you going to give it another coat ?'

'The girl beside me in math is very clever,' said Alec to his mother. ' She's got enough brains for two.'
'Perhaps you'd better think of marriage,' said mum.

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A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening, the boy called out sulkily, ' Mum ! your husband's just come home.'

John kept pestering his parents to buy a video, but they said they couldn't afford one. So one day John came home clutching a package containing a brand-new video.
'Where in the World did you get the money to pay for that ?' asked his father suspiciously.
'It's OK, Dad,' replied John, 'I've traded the TV in for it.'

What did the dragon say when he saw St George in his shining armour ?
Oh, no, not more tinned food!

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'Mum, there's a man at the door collecting for the Old Folk's Home. Shall I give him Grandma ?'

When Dad came home he was astonished to see Alec sitting on a horse, writing something. ' What on earth are you doing there ?' he asked.
'Well, the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal. That's why I'm here and that's why Susie's sitting in the goldfish bowl !'

'Our teacher reminds me of the sea,' said Alec to Billy.
'You mean she's deep, sometimes calm, but occasionally stormy ?'
'No ! she makes me sick !

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With friends like these

What did the croaking frog say to his friend ?
'I think I've got a person in my throat !'

What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front tooth ?
'Hard cheese!'

What did the owl say to his friend as he flew off ?
'Owl be seeing you later.'

What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend ?
'Long time no sea !'

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Which of the witch's friends eats the fastest ?
The goblin !

How does a witch make scrambled eggs ?
She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright !

Why does Dracula have no friends ?
Because he's a pain in the neck !

Jed: If you eat anymore ice cream you'll burst !
Ned: OK. Pass the ice cream and duck !

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What did the zombie's friend say when he introduced him to his girlfriend ?
'Good grief! where did you dig her up ?

Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them ?
Stan: In the bathroom
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath ?
Stan: Blindfold them !

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What did the termite say when he saw that his friends had completely eaten a chair ?
'Wooden you know it !'

Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?'
'But I only have $8,' his friend replied.
That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!

Did you hear about the wizard who turned his friend into an egg ?
He kept trying to poach his ideas !

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How does a skeleton call his friends ?
On a telebone !

When a plane caught fire over the jungle the pilot ejected and landed in a cannibal's pot. The cannibal turned to his friend and said, 'What's this flier doing in my soup?'

My friend is so stupid that he thinks twice before saying nothing!

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After ice skating, two friends rushed home for a snack. 'Will you join me in a cup of hot chocolate?' asked the first boy politely.
'Sure,' said his friend, 'but do you think we'll both fit ?'

A monster and a zombie went into the undertaker's. 'I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of mine who has just died,' said the monster.
'Certainly, Sir,' said the undertaker, 'but there was really no need to bring him with you.'