Top 10 Proposed FDA Alcohol Warnings
adult

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).

8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.

10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho.