Jokes time buddies.....

[ftvfatboy]

move the cursor over the face
http://img521.imageshack.us/my.php?image=cursor6cb.swf

[ftvfatboy]

One should love animals
They are so tasty.

Love thy neighbor
But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is one woman
and behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry
after all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

Money is not everything
There's MasterCard & Visa.

Wise men never marry
and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term
It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic
It needs darkness to develop

A good discussion is like a miniskirt
Short enough to pertain interest and
long enough to cover the subject

Children in backseats cause accidents
Accidents in backseats cause children

Your future depends on your dreams
So go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a
day than waking up every morning

"ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY"
So what? Who's in a hurry?

"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk! (I don't want to be an exception!)

"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours!

God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

When two's company,
three's the result!

A dress is like a barbed fence
It protects the premises without restricting the view

[ftvfatboy]

Hi Friends..





One politician, one thief & One Programmer died & went straight to hell.

Politician said "I miss my country. I want to call my country and see how
everybody is doing there."

She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked "Well, devil how
much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "Five million dollars".

The Politician wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

Thief was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the my
group members, I want to see how everybody is doing there too"

He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked "Well, devil how
much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "Ten million dollars".

With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his
chair.

Programmer was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call my IT
friends too",

He called other IT person and he talked for twenty hours about various
technologies and Project Managers, he talked & talked & talked, then he
asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "Twenty dollars".

Programmer is stunned & says "Twenty dollars??? Only ??"

Devil says
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"Calling hell to hell is local"


Now Get Back to hell again :)) !!!

[ftvfatboy]

Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a
natural geologic
protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being
the procurement of
a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large
vessel, the exact size
of which was unspecified.
One member of the
team precipitously descended, sustaining severe
damage to the upper
cranial potion of his anatomical structure;
subsequently the second
member of the team performed a self rotational
translation oriented in
the same direction taken by the first team
member.




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for answer :......( in simple English what does this translate???)
























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Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch apail of water
Jack fell down
and broke his crown and
Jill came tumbling after!!!.......................:)

[ftvfatboy]

Why We Should Drink BEER ???



"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered." Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "

~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!

~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And The Best Reason

"Well you see, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

~ Cliff Clavin

[ftvfatboy]

If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a new style...

If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident...

If a doctor makes a mistake,
It's an operation...

If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture...

If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation...

If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law...

If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention...

If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion...

If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a new theory...

If our boss makes a mistake,
It is our mistake...

If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a "MISTAKE"

[ftvfatboy]

Dear Friends,

Banta is at home watching the India-Sri Lanka cricket match when his wife Jasbir interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the bathroom? It's been flickering for weeks now."

He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a Phillips logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."

To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Kelvinator written on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."

"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Balwant Carpenter written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going out.!!!"

So he goes to the nearby dance bar and drinks for a couple hours, watches a few dances, burns up a few bucks.

He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Sweetheart, how'd this all get fixed?"

Jasbir said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then Santa Singh asked me what was wrong, and I told him.

He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or make him a nice chicken dish."

Banta said, "So, what kind of dish did you make him?"

Jasbir replied, "Hellooooo... Do you see Sanjiv Kapoor's Cookery book written on my forehead?"

[ftvfatboy]

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says "Chin Yu Yan" and dies. Sardar goes to China to find meaning of friends last words. It is "you're standing on the oxygen tube!!"

A sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C. After seeing the Form, he had gone to DELHI for filling up. U know why? Form says " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up - we must find & stop her!

Sardar: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar: If only the winner will get the cup, why others are running?

Sardar had twins; he named them Tin & Martin. Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater. Again twins & named Max & Climax.Again the same.
Disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!

A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all relatives beat him. Why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "you will go to jail".

Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardar: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.........WHY? Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure also what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote : Yes!

One sardarji Professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100thfloor. At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter! At 25th floor: I'm unmarried!
At 10th floor: I'm Banta not Santa

On a romantic date Sardar's girl friend asks him "Darling on our
engangement will you give me a ring? He said "Ya, sure what's your phone number?

A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have an Aitel phone but still Hutch network is following me.

Sardar wins 20 crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 crore after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 crore or else return my 20 Rs
back.!

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket
match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji. He wrote "DUE TO RAIN,
NO MATCH!"

Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Sardar:- why did u come so far? Instead u could have posted it....

What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

Sardar and his wife buy coffee in a shop. Sardar says: Drink quickly.
Wife asks: why?? Sardar says: hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10.

Sardar's wish: when i die, i wanna to die like my grandpa who died
peacefuly in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in the car
he was driving....

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you
call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

Flash news: A two seater plane crashed in a Graveyard in Punjab. Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..

A man asked Sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the
morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.

A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he always
started reading from the middle. A friend of his asked why he did so? "It'z
doubly interesting", said the
Sardar. "to start from the middle keeps one curious not only about its
conclusion but also about its beginning.

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed. His wife
asked: what you are doing? He said: i'm seeing how i look while sleeping.






There was a Sardarji (HARMEET SINGH) who was down on his luck.

In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for
ransom.

He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told
him, "I've kidnapped you.

" HARMEET then wrote a note saying: "I've kidnapped your kid.

Tomorrow morning, put Rs.2,00,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the
mango tree on the north side of the city playground". Signed: "A Sardarji".

HARMEET then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show
it to his parents.

The next morning the HARMEET checked, and sure enough a paper bag was kept
beneath the mango tree.

The boy was sitting next to the bag. HARMEET opened up the bag and found
the Rs.2,00,000 in cash with a note saying:

"How can a sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji? Take the money, and
Please leave my son." Signed: Another Sardarji

[ftvfatboy]

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!!!"

[ftvfatboy]

A young couple married, and celebrated their first night together doing what
newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. In the morning, the groom
goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he gets out of the shower. He
asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the
bathroom door, he opens the door, exposing his body for the first time to
his bride where she sees all of him well. Her eyes went up and down and at
about midway, they stopped.

She asked shyly, "What's that?" pointing to a small part of his anatomy. He,
also shy, thought for a minute and said, "Well, that's what we had so much
fun with last night."

She, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"



"It takes a minute to have a crush an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone" Be in touch..