The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating
enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking
about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if
they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen bring up the subject of sex.

"Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.

"Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners
for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian
go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny,
weeny member - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.

"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.

"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with
his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until
it's quite impressively long.

"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty
narrow...."

"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears.
With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire
measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate
love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go
their separate ways.

As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful.
How about you?"

"It was horrible," he replies, All I got was a headache.
All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and
pulling my ears."

************************************************** ************************

A man received a free ticket to a Pittsburgh Steelers home game from his
company. Unfortunately, when he arrived at Heinz Field, he realized
his seat was in the upper deck and was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than it
was to the playing field.

Near the end of the first quarter, he spotted an empty seat 10 rows
from the field right at the 50-yard line. He decided to go for it. He snaked
his way down the stadium, past the security guards, and made it to the empty
seat.

He asked the elderly gentleman next to the empty seat if the seat was
being saved for someone, and the man said no.

Very excited, he sat down in the seat and said to the elderly man,
"This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this and not
use it?"

The elderly man responded, "Actually, the seat belongs to my wife.
But she passed away recently, and this is the first Steelers game we haven't
attended together in almost 50 years of marriage."

The man, now feeling a little guilty to be in the empty seat said,
"That's really sad. But, still, couldn't you find a good friend or a close
relative to take the seat?"

"No," the elderly man replied, "they're all at the funeral."