joke time buddies(PART 2)

[ftvfatboy]

Uffasaur
Uffy gawked at the sky but could see nothing but the blistering sun on fire. He then turned around to witness the scorching TERRA FIRMA around. But he was not a slave to the heat around him. It was evidently due to his sitting inside his concealed point from where he can see the world and the others cann’t see him. He chuckle at them when he sees that the flora and fauna around him never knew he was around here.
He then recollected what his dad used to say ‘SON, always close your eyes and try to feel the world, you will see more then the world shows you.’He then closed his eyes and realized as he always did. He closing his eyes could hear the sound of far away movements of the animals. He could hear the elephant drinking water in a nearby tarn and this cann’t be seen by him by open eyes. It’s true that your hearing ability boost when you close your eyes. Closing his eyes he could hear the flaping of the bird's wing. It was amazing but true!
He then opened his eyes to have a surrounding look.It did not bring any bombshell to him. He was living here for more then six years hiding from the outside world for his own security .
And his name was UFFASAUR. And actually he was a dinosaur. And a vegetarian one.
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MR.Thames a researcher, sat on his seat taking a crack at the incident that took place inside his director room.
‘Sir, it is true.’
‘How can it possibly be?’
‘Sir, i have a proper evidence.’
‘So what? I can also make a phony one to formulate such a demand.’
‘But this is not a false one.’
‘Sorry I don't want to carry on this meeting further. Please don't talk such a thing out side all will think you were gone round the bend.’
‘But sir there are evidence of a large shaped foot engrave.’
‘It can be made by anyone. You can leave now.’
‘I swear that dinosaur exists now too.’
‘I think I said you to leave the room.’
Then without a single word Thames left the room and sat down to consider what to do next.
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It was night and Uffy went out for his ussual hunt. And this he had to do quietly and the problem with him now is he cann't help leaving is print in the area. They were no other alternative to vanish this prints. But he tried his level best to control it. Then he went to his favorite spot and picked the leaves and ate it gently. Then he remembered his dad saying ‘Son, never risk showing up yourself to the world especially the HUMAN RACE. They are so unkind and will do anything for there survival. ’ He kept this in mind and that was the reason for his hidden life. But he enjoyed looking at the world around and lived serenely.
He then reached his hiding and went to a deep sleep.
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‘Is MR.Roger at home?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Can I talk to him?’
‘Sure. Who should i say is calling?’
‘MR.Thames.’
‘Just a minute.’
The servant of the house went to his master's room and informed him. From the master's expression he was sure he did not know anyone named Thames. But his master went and attended the phone. The servant tried to hear the conversation. But he heard only a part of it. The words spken by his master only.
‘Yes Roger here…Whats so important?…Okay I will meet you but…About dino-…Are you sure about the information…Okay I will meet at the-- … OK!’
The servant could not grasp the location name because the master had really told it in a low tone.But this was not the first time. The master gets many such anonymity calls.

[ftvfatboy]

LeFt To RiGhT
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there.

But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting......


Second, the man is drinking our Cola


and ......

Third, our man is now totally refreshed.


Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

That should have worked," said the friend.


The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."

[ftvfatboy]

A Chemisty scholar's proposal
I am attracted to you
Like an electron to a proton
Together we form an ionic bond
Though we are opposite charged ions
I am drawn towards you
Our love is unique as an orbital
For only two electrons can fill this space
As my love for you increases
My energy level rises
I am in this excited state
Increasing the tendency to form a chemical bond
I was an element
It took you to make me a compound substance
Falling in love with you is a chemical reaction
Which cause my love for you to grow
Ours is an exothermic love
Each for giving off love not just absorbing it
Sometimes you do something especially nice
Which speeds up the chemical process
Like a catalyst in my increasing love for you
I realise we have our inhibition periods
And sometimes I am selfish enough
To be an endothermic reaction
Only absorbing your love
The feeling I have for you is so intense
It cannot be measured in kilojoules
Often I have to make a qualitative elementary analysis
To understand and love you more
But I don't expect to know your empirical formula
You are too complex a person for that
When you are gone
I am a noble gas
An inert substance
When I am without you
The world seems still
And I am at equilibrium

[ftvfatboy]

Dearest Girl

I am very happy to inform you that I have feelings for you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 1999. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 1999 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on-the-relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be
shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours sincerely,
[Boy]


REPLY

Dear Boy :
Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous. I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment.
If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards. Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a placed luxury condo and a Jag are in order. Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions on myself.
If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest . Please also note that my sister is happily employed.
Yours perhaps,
[Girl]

[ftvfatboy]

SATISH and AMIT were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other. SATISH: 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
AMIT : 'Yes, I have'
SATISH: 'Well, my father dug it.'
AMIT : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?'
SATISH: 'Yes, I have.'
AMIT : 'Well, my father killed it.'

Biography of GIRISH
When God passed out looks,
I thought He said books, and I didn't want any.
When God passed out ears,
I thought He said beers, and I asked for two long ones.
When God passed out legs,
I thought He said kegs, and I asked for two fat ones.
When God passed out noses,
I thought He said roses, and I asked for a big red one.
When God passed out heads,
I thought He said beds, and I asked for a big soft one.
When God passed out brains,
I thought he said trains, and I missed mine.

[ftvfatboy]

Top 10 inventions............

1) The water-proof towel

2) Solar powered torch

3) Submarine revolving door

4) A book on how to read

5) Inflatable dart board

6) A dictionary index

7) Ejector seat in a helicopter

8) Powdered water

9) Pedal-powered wheel chair

10) Water-proof tea bag

[ftvfatboy]

Dad : What type of a Girl u want to marry ?
JAY : I want to marry a girl who is *Intelligent *Well-Studied *Obeys Parents *Good-Looking
Dad :Then u have to marry 4 times.

Father : JAY, where is your report card.
JAY : My friend Pavan borrowed it to scare his father.


GIRISH : quickly hand over your purse I have a gun
PAWAN : here take it
GIRISH : ha! ha! no bullets in my gun.
PAWAN : ha! ha! no money in my purse

NIDHI : Rachana, You are looking different today.
Rachana: Yes, Doctor has asked me to loose some weight.
NIDHI : So have you lost.
Rachana: Yes, I have stop putting my make up.

Baker (to Venkatesh) : SIR, shall I cut the cake into 6 or 12 pieces.
VENKATESH : No, cut it into 4 pieces only. I am on dieting.

SINI: Rahul tell me two nouns.
JAY : Who ? Me ?
SINI: Very Good. Sit down.

[ftvfatboy]

jay's suggestions
While at the college JAY happened to watch the notice board.
It reads: Invites suggestions for the modification of Ladies Room.
JAY writes under :
Let the men Permit to Enter

[ftvfatboy]

HA HA
Omkar padhake,Venkatesh,Amit are called upon to test a lie detector .
The Omkar padhake says: "I think I can eat 10 samosa pav".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "18".
And the machine is silent.
Venkatesh says: "I think I can eat 15 vada pav".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"All right, 20 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
Then Amit says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

[ftvfatboy]

BINDU : If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another,how many dollars would you have?
PAVAN : One dollar.
BINDU (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
PAVAN (sadly): You don't know my father.


BINDU(from the heart of Kerala) went for a job interview for the post of a TEACHER. When the VARDHARAJAN saw the BINDU's colorful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair, his mind was screaming "NOT THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu. So he told her "If You could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK." The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said:
"I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW.....
BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number.. ... Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, yokeeyy? Thank you."
VARDHU fainted...


Once SURAJ meets a sadhu on road. Then suraj sees a dog and throws stone on it. He misses and exclaims: "SHITS! I missed.".The saadhu says hurting animals is wrong as it is and using dirty language when not succeeding makes it worse. Then again SURAJ neglecting the advise throws another stone. He misses again and shouts: "saalaa! phir sae missed" The saadhu warns him: "If you use such such language again. I will call upon the Gods to curse you." Again he throwed a stone. And still misses and cries out: "DAMN! Missed even this." The saint loses his tolerance and prays: "O God. This man has sinned thrice in front of a saint, despite warnings. Take him away." "Thooom!" There is a lightning bolt from the sky and the saadhu is vaporised. Awestruck, the SURAJ looks towards the sky and hears a thunder "F**K! I missed too."

The collector asked DEEPAK for his rail ticket. DEEPAK searched his pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will take your word that you bought your ticket.' 'That is very kind of you,' replied DEEPAK, 'but if I don't find it, I want to know where to get off.'


Once Amit singh was relaxing in a vacant class alone. Some kids playing nearby decided to pull his leg.
Walking up to him they asked him,"Sir are you relaxing?" Amit singh replied, "No, I am Amit Singh!"
The kids started laughing wildly and ran off. This terribly confused Amit Singh and he decided to check it out. He walked up to a guy who was relaxing on a near by vacant class and asked,"Are you relaxing?"
The man replied, "Yes, why do you ask?"
Amit Singh answered with satisfaction, "Then those kids are probably looking for you!"