joke time buddies(PART 2)

[ftvfatboy]

GEETA TO VIVEK
VIVEK: WHAT IS THE ANSWER OF THIS QUESTION?????
VIVEK: I DUUNO.................
GEETA: IDIOT,DO U EVEN KNOW SPELLING OF PHYSICS?????!!!!!
VIVEK: MISS,PHY 1 OR 2!!!!!!!:-)

SUNDARAM GOES HOME AFTER GETTING 2 MARKS IN BIO & 46 IN MATHS.......
SUNDARAM : MUMMY I GOT 46 IN MATHS..........
MUMMY: GOOD
SUNDARAM: CAN I GO TO PLAY............
MUMMY: YA
SUNDARAM(AT THE DOOR): BUT I GOT 2 IN BIO...........
MUMMY: OK .........DONT COME BACK AFTER PLAYING!!! ;-)

SUNDARAM: DADDY I GOT 46 IN MATHS........
DADDY(ANGRILY): DONT SAY THAT IDIOT ,ONLY 46, WERE U SLEEPING
DURING XAMS, CANT U GET 50/50 $%$%#$%$#%%
OK, HOW MUCH DID U GET IN BIO
SUNDARAM: UMMMMMMMMMMMMM...............................????? ??????
I DID NOT GT PAPER

VIVEK TO JAI: HOW MUCH DID U GET IN CHEM.......????
JAI: 30
VIVEK : WHAT!!!!!!!!! MERE KO BHI 30...... MATLAB MEIN FAIL HO GAYA

Teacher:Adithya what is the formula for K.E
Adithya:blah blah blah

[ftvfatboy]

Here is a letter written by a HR executive to his love:

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation,
yours sincerely,
Romeo

[ftvfatboy]

To: Tech Support
Dear Sir,

Last year I upgraded my system from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began creating problems within the system processing and that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 2.3, Girlfriend 3.2 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the entire system whenever selected :(

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while running my other favorite applications. Whichever module or software I enter, only Wife 1.0 seems to run and nothing else.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall from Wife 1.0 to Girlfriend 7.0 does not work on this program. Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks,
Rajeev

Reply

To: Rajeev
Dear Rajeev,

This is a very common problem men users of the Wife 1.0 software complain about but it is mostly due to a primary misconception of the software.

Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0.

Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed!!

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Worries Invited For Ever (Wife 1.0)".

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding general partnership faults (GPFs).

You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action to solve this major IT problem of yours will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.

In any case avoid excessive use of the Esc key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance.Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend you to install the latest gift software like Flowers 2.1, Necklaces 3.2, and Chocolates 5.0.

Note: Do not under any circumstances, install Secretary With Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application; in fact it is a deadly virus for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

[ftvfatboy]

Definition of kiss

Prof .of Economics
Kiss is that thing for which the demand is
always higher than the supply.
Prof. of Accountancy
Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Algebra
Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry
Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.
Prof. of Physics
Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry
Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology
Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology
Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles
in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry
Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Statistics
Kiss is an event whose probability depends on the
vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy
Kiss is the persecution for the child,
ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English
Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction,
it is more common than proper,
it is spoken in the plural and
it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Architecture
Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond
between the two dynamic objects
Prof. of Comp.Science
What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable
:

[ftvfatboy]

Funny Pick Up Lines

* He: You are very prettty. Do you have any Italian in you? She: no. He: Do you want some?
* Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money.
* Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
* I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
* Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.
* I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
* I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
* If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
* Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?
* If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
* There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
* Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
* You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
* That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
* Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
* Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.
* Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met.
* Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
* Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?
* Be unique and different, say yes.
* Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?
* You know, it's not premarital sex unless you plan on getting married.
* I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
* Aw, girl, I'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" List!
* Save a horse -- ride a cowboy.

[ftvfatboy]

Talking Clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.
"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.
"That is the talking clock", the man replied.
"How's it work?" the friend asked.
"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two AM in the morning!

[ftvfatboy]

Things You'd Love To Say (But Don't Dare)
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
How about never? Is never good for you?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I have plenty of talent and vision, I just don't give a darn.
Visualizing? I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you being competent.
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coinciden

[ftvfatboy]

Knock KnockWho's there !Ice cream !Ice cream who ?Ice cream if you don't let me in !
Knock KnockWho's there !Water !Water who ?Water way to answer the door !

Knock KnockWho's there !Figs !Figs who ?Figs the doorbell, it's broken
Knock KnockWho's there !Four Eggs!Four Eggs who ?Four Eggs ample !
Knock KnockWho's there !B-2 !B-2 who ?B-2 school on time !

Knock KnockWho's there !B-4 !B-4 who ?B-4 I freeze to death, please open this door !

Knock KnockWho's there !Banana !Banana who ?Banana split so ice creamed !

Knock knockWho's there?Banana.Banana who?Knock knockWho's there?Banana.Banana who?Knock knockWho's there?Orange.Orange who?Orange you glad I didn't say banana ?

Knock KnockWho's there !Bless !Bless who ?I didn't sneeze !

Knock KnockWho's there !Blue !Blue who ?Blue your nose !

Knock KnockWho's there !Cash !Cash who ?I didn't realise you were some kind of of nut !

Knock, Knock.Who's there?Repeat.Repeat who?Who Who Who!

Knock, Knock.Who's there?Nobel. Nobel who?No bell, that's why I knocked!


Knock KnockWho's there !Cash !Cash who ?Cash me if you can !

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Hoo. Hoo who? You talk like an owl!

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dishwasher. Dishwasher who? Dishwasher way I spoke before I had false teeth!

Knock, Knock Who's there? Pudding! Pudding who? Pudding your shoes on before your trousers is a silly idea!

Knock, Knock Who's there? Leaf Leaf who? Leaf me alone!

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Tank. Tank who? You're welcome!

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Wire. Wire who? Why are you asking?

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Anita. Anita who? Anita a tissue! Ah Choo!

Knock, Knock.Who's there?Water. Water who?Water you doing in my house?

Knock, Knock.Who's there?I love.I love who?I don't know, you tell me!

Knock knock.Who's there?KetchchupKetchchup who?Kethchup to me and I will tell you.

Knock knock.Who's there?Boo.Boo who?Don't cry. It's only a joke.

Knock knock.Who's there?Hawaii.Hawaii who?I'm fine, Hawaii you?

Knock, Knock.Who's there?Police.Police who?Police stop telling these awful knock, knock jokes!

Knock KnockWho's there !Cash !Cash who ?I knew you were nuts !
Knock KnockWho's there ?Cows !Cows who ?Cows go 'moo' not who!

[ftvfatboy]

4 Tips on flirting
1. Be friendly; women know that when a guy approaches them it is because they think they are attractive, if you don’t give this woman that impression she will like it. Approach her in a friendly manner asking about something that does not seem too personal so she will not think you’re hitting on her just yet. Ask a question that you might ask anyone, and then pretend you did not notice her for a couple minutes then try initiating a conversation. If she finds you attractive she will most likely start to talk to you before you start to talk with her again anyway.
Give her compliments, but do not sound corny, say something you really believe. If you like her hair, or shoes, tells her that you do. Tell her you like the way she smells. She will be flattered.

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2.Let her talk. Just try to listen to what she has to say. Most girls take control of the conversation by talking…a lot. If you let her talk you will not sound conceited at all and she will feel you want to hear about what she has to say. She will ask you a question if she is really interested in something about you. Prepare questions for her and she will ask questions in return.

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3.Sound interested. A lot of the time she will be babbling on about something you have no interest in, but even if you’re not listening at least act like its important to you. If you’re interested in everything she has to say it ups your conversing points with her. If your interested in what she is saying she will feel more comfortable to talk even more and eventually you will be interested in something she has to say…I hope.

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4.Be touchy. If she lets you, and is comfortable with it, then try to be touchy with her. Put your arm around her or tickle her once in awhile. Only do this occasionally or it will get annoying. If she is tickling you back in return, putting her arm around you, or making any physical contact back to you, you will know you’re in there and that she is flirting back with you.

[ftvfatboy]

The Island
There were three people stranded on an island, khyati, nidhi, and mansi. khyati looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, nidhi, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. nidhi had a lot more endurance than khyati, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So mansi thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
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RACHANA, NIDHI, AND KHYATI IN FIRE
rachana,nidhi,khyati escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to rachana, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" she jumps and SWISH the firemen yank the blanket away...the rachana slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to nidhi.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says nidhi.
"No! It's rachana we can't stand! We're OK with u!"
"OK" says nidhi, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Finally, khyati steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled khyati.
No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," khyati says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it . . ."
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Three women are about to be executed.
Three women are about to be executed.
One's manasi, one's nirma, and one's khyati.
Two guards brings khyati forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly khyati yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. she manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the mansi forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. she too escapes execution.
By this point, nirma(i m not a detergent salesman mind u) had figured out what the others did.
The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
she shouts, "fire!!"(girls r stupid)