Jokes threaD

[vu2phv.bizhat.com]

:D SCROLL DOWN PLEASE :D

EDITED/REMVED THIS POST

[vu2phv.bizhat.com]

are you unhappy with your desktop?





do onething



HAMMER IT !! :lol:

[vu2phv.bizhat.com]

WOMAN has MAN in it.

SHE has HE in it.

Mrs. has Mr. in it.

LADY has LAD in it.

MISTERESS has MISTER in it.

MADAM has ADAM in it.

HOSTESS has HOST in it.

FEMALE has MALE in it

and so on....the list is un-ending

SO NO need to be proud ....

Girls are always incomplete

without Boys....!!!

[vu2phv.bizhat.com]

SEE THE EVOLUTION OF ASH
HA HA :lol:

[vu2phv.bizhat.com]

#include<STD ISD PCO.h
#include<love.h
#define MAAL beautiful_lady

main()
{
goto college;
scanf("100%",&ladies);

if(lady == MAAL)
line++;
while( !reply )
{

printf("I Love U");

scanf("100%",&reply);

&nb sp; }

if(reply == "GAALI")
main(); /* go back and repeat the
process */

else if(reply == "SANDAL ")
exit(1);



else if(reply == "I Love U")
{
lover = MAAL;
love =
(heart*)malloc(sizeof(lover));
}

goto restaurant;

restaurant:
{
food++;
smile++;
pay-money = lover-money;
return(college);
}

if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;

cinema:
{
watch++;
touch++ ;
if(intermission)
{
coke++;
&n bsp; smoke++;

}
}

if(time ==6.00)
goto park;

park:
{

for(time=6.30;time<=8.30;time+=0.001)
kiss = kiss+1;
}

free(lover);
return(home);

if(time ==9.30)
goto pub;

pub:
&nbs p; {
friends++;
party++;
booze++;
smoke++;

if(pub.close ())
{
pay-bill;
come-out;
}
}

if (highly-intoxicated)
goto friendsroom;
else
{
; sweetpan++;
polo++;
goto home;
}

friendsroom:
{
goto sleep;
}

home:
{
if(mom.shouts ())
{
reason=(combinedstudy ||
projectwork || friendsbday);
say-reason;
}
if( dad.shouts())
& nbsp; shut-yourmouth;

call-lover;
if(phone-voice==(lover_dad-voice
|| lover_mom-voice))
{
hang++;
}
else if(phone-voice==lover-voice)
{

for(time=12:30;time<= 1.30;time+=0.001)
{
say-ILuvU;
scanf("100%",&reply); /* "I Love
U" already stored in reply */
}
}
goto sleep;
; }

sleep:
{
*(dream)=love;
}
}
_______________

[vu2phv.bizhat.com]

1. A student's leave letter:
"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot
attend the class...."
---------------------------------------------
2. A candidate's application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for
a 'typist And an accountant - Male or Female'... As I
am both for the past Several years and I can handle
both; I am applying for the post."
---------------------------------------------
3. I.T.I., Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as
follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along
with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.
! ---------------------------------------------
4. Another employee applied for half day leave as
follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10
o-clocks and I may not return, please grant me half
day casual leave"
---------------------------------------------
5. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from
headache. I request you to leave me today"
---------------------------------------------
6. An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day
holiday."
---------------------------------------------
7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for
the day.
---------------------------------------------
8. A covering note:
! "I am enclosed herewith..."
--------------------------------------------
9. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible
for it, Please grant me 10 days leave.
---------------------------------------------
10. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her
only husband At home I may be granted leave".
---------------------------------------------
11. Letter writing:
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same
well."
---------------------------------------------
12. Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an
employee who was Performing his daughter's wedding:
"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's
leave..."

[vu2phv.bizhat.com]

The below given is one of the best jokes you might have heard, but I think it is one of the best observations...

In some remote village of India, one master ji is teaching the
Mahabharat katha to a class. He is at the 'Krishna janma' ! part of it. So let him continue.

Masterji: "Bachcho, so Kansa heard the Akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars.

"First son is born, and Kansa kills him by poisoning; second one is born and Kansa throws him off the mountain peak; third one is born..."

Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot puts up his handand says, "Master ji! I have a question here!"

Masterji (sounding nervous n confused): "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata and how come you have one?"

Ramu: "Masterji, if Kansa ! knew that Devaki's child - whether 1st or 8th - was going to kill him, why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in the same cell?"

[vu2phv.bizhat.com]

* Divorce: Future tense of marriage.



* Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.



* Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"



* Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.



* Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.



* Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power...



* Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.



* Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.



* Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.



* Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.



* Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.



* Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.



* Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.



* Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.



* Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.



* Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.



* Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.



* Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.



* Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."



* Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.



* Father: A banker provided by nature.



* Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.



* Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.



* Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.



* Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills

[vu2phv.bizhat.com]

replay me if you are interested
i can post a more !

[indianbaba]

The last post is the greatest joke. Ur first post is a mere waste. It's not at all properly intended and jokes are not separated.
The others were good.