Hillarious Come in and Njoy this Festival.Best Jokes(PART 2)

[solksjaer15]

12 sardar 12 car mein 12 bajke 12 minute 12 second per 12ve gali mein 12ve cinema hall mein kaun si film dekhene gaya honge?

ANS: Ye Waqt Hamara Hai...

[solksjaer15]

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five Sikhs - two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver Santa Singh, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I dont understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Sir," the officer replies, "You werent speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" Santa says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, Santa grinned and thanked theofficer for pointing out his error.

"But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? these people seem awfully shaken and they havent muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

"Oh, theyll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119." Said Santa.

[solksjaer15]

A Sardarji who is not confident of his English speaking ability is in a long Queue of customers at Singapore international airport canteen. He does not know how to order breakfast.

The queue moves forward and the person before the sardarji in the queue is at the counter. He orders "Tea and Tiffin".

The sardarji’s turn comes next and he orders "Coffee and Coffin".

[solksjaer15]

Sardar’s wife was in delivery pain.

But instead of taking her to the hospital, he took her to pizza hut!

Guess WHY ??

B’coz they promise "FREE DELIVERY"!!

[solksjaer15]

Three friends - two straight guys and a gay guy and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship, they all drowned.

They each had to come before St. Peter to be admitted into heaven. First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can’t let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny!"

Then came the second straight guy... "Sorry, can’t let *you* in either," said St. Peter, "You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"

The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn’t look good, Dick..."

[solksjaer15]

Hypnosis

Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sent her husband to a therapist who wound up treating him with self-hypnosis. And, to her joy, everything got much better.

However, she could not help but notice that each night, early into their lovemaking, the husband would dash out to the bathroom for several minutes.

This tormented her until finally, one night, she followed him.

There, in front of the mirror, she found him applying this therapeutic technique: "She’s not my wife... She’s not my wife...She’s not my wife..."

[solksjaer15]

Q: Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat?

A: Bachelors come home, check to see what’s in the fridge, and go to bed. ..Married men come home, check to see what’s in the bed, and go the fridge.

[solksjaer15]

Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing? He says, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, well jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You cant outrun a bear." The first guy says, "I dont have to outrun the *bear*... I only have to outrun *you.*"

[solksjaer15]

Some basic facts of life which applies to the Salaried People!!!

Bank Balance

First Week : 10000

Second Week : 1000

Third Week : 100

Fourth week : 10

Conveyance

First Week : Auto ("I can afford it")

Second Week : Share Auto ("I would like to share. I am selfless!")

Third Week : Bus ("Public figures should travel by public transport")

Fourth week : Walk ("Good for health")

Girl friends

First Week : Eena, Meena, Tina ("I can BUY love")

Second Week : Meena, Tina ("I have enough girl friends")

Third Week : Tina ("I am loyal to her")

Fourth week : "Huh! There is no pure love on earth!"

Mobile Maintenance

First Week : Frequent outgoing calls ("This is what mobile is invented for")

Second Week : Restricted o! utgoing calls ("I should not create unnecessary traffic on mobile lines")

Third Week : Rare outgoing calls ("Mobile should be used in urgent situations only")

Fourth week : Only incoming calls ("I am not going to call her until she calls me")

And last....but not the least...

Boozing

First Week : "Come, let’s go to Chennai and freak out!"

Second Week : "Man, there is nothing in Chennai. Let’s go to pondi."

Third Week : "The best place to booze on earth is our house itself. what

say?"

Fourth week : "Drinking is injurious to health"

[solksjaer15]

Ajit: Robert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur debugger istarrt kar do.

Robert: Lekin kyoon, baas?

Ajit: Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.