Jokes By OrangeSMS

**orangesms** · 02-03-2006, 07:48 AM

Canadian, Eh?

There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada.
"You know," said one of the explorers, "we should name this place we're hiking through."
"I know," said the second explorer. "We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that."
"Okay," said the third, "I'll go first. C, eh."
"N, eh."
"D, eh." And that's how they named Canada...

**orangesms** · 02-03-2006, 07:56 AM

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A young man is walking by and asks him why he's crying. The old man says, "I'm retired and I have lots of money, a huge luxury apartment, a beautiful 25 year old wife who loves me and has sex with me twice a day"
The young man says, "Well then why the hell are you crying!?"

The old man replies, "I can't remember where I live!"

**orangesms** · 02-03-2006, 07:59 AM

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send him to a private Catholic school.
While there the boy came home from school and studied every day. At the end of the marking period the boy got straight A's. So his parents asked him, "What motivated you to do so well in school?"

He replied, "When I saw that guy nailed to a plus sign I knew they weren't fooling around!"

**orangesms** · 02-03-2006, 08:05 AM

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

**indianbaba** · 02-03-2006, 09:04 AM

i liked the first joke. All others were also good timepass. The last one is a repost.

**gitelesgeraniums** · 02-03-2006, 05:04 PM

Cat in the Way
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

**gitelesgeraniums** · 02-03-2006, 05:05 PM

Screwed, For Sure
Once a lady wanted to leave the U.S.A. but couldn't get a visa. One day, she met a man who told her not to dispair. "l'll let you sneak aboard my captain's ship and take you to France, but you have to screw me every time I bring you food, okay?" She accepted, and for about three months the guy brought her food and water and then she screwed him. This went on for about 3 months, at which point she was discovered by the captain. The captain asked what she was doing and she said a man was taking her to France if she screwed him every time he brought her food. The captain replied, "He sure is screwing you - this is the New York Ferry."