(A+) t o d a y 's j o k e

[pH]

There's this young single guy on a cruise ship, having the time
of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into
an iceberg and begins to sink.

Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but
our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using
every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the
shark-infested sea to a remote, deserted island.

Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns
his head and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely
breathing. She's also managed to wash up on shore from the
sinking ship. He makes his way to her, and with some mouth-to-
mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing again. She looks
up at him, wide-eyed and grateful, "My God, you saved my life!"

He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford!

Days and weeks go by. Cindy and our guy are living on the island
together. They've set up a hut, there's fruit on the trees, and
they're in heaven. Cindy's fallen madly in love with our man, and
they're making passionate love morning, noon and night.

Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum. "What's the
matter, sweetheart?" she asks, "We have a wonderful life
together, I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is
there anything I can do?"

He says, "Actually, Cin, there is. Would you mind, um, putting on
my shirt?"

"Uh, sure," she says, "if this will help." He takes off his shirt
and she puts it on.

"Now would you put on my pants?" he asks.

"Sure, honey, if it's really going to make you feel better," she
says.

"Um, OK, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache
on your face?" he asks.

"Whatever you want, honey," she says, and does.

Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of
the island?"

She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets
off in the other direction. They meet up halfway around the
island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the
shoulders, and says,

"Dude! You'll never believe who I'm banging!"

[pH]

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices
that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees
oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and
stops at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around
town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona,
decides that something cold would really hit the spot.

He gets a big bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat.
Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his
little flippers.

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station
and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic
looks up and says,

"It looks like you blew a seal."

"No, no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

[pH]

A husband, just before he was to die, said to his
wife "When I die I want you to take all my money and
put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money
into the afterlife with me"

And so he got his wife to promise him that with all
her heart, when he died, she would put all his money
in the casket with
him.........Well he died.

He was stretched out in the casket.....his wife was
sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next
to her. When the ceremony
ended and just before the undertakers were to shut the
casket she said "Wait a minute".

She had a box with her....she walked over and put the
box in the casket and the undertaker closed and locked
the casket and they
rolled the casket away.

The wife's girlfriend leaned over and whispered to the
wife "Girl I know you weren't fool enough to put all
that money in there with
your husband"

The wife answered...."I'm a Christian and I can't go
back on my word. I promised him I would put all the
money in with him"

The girlfriend looks at the wife and says.....'you
mean you really did put all the money inside the
casket with him?!"

The wife said "I sure did....I wrote a check......and
if he can cash it.... he can spend it!!"

Moral of the story? NEVER EVER underestimate the
intelligence of a woman.

[pH]

Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat
together, it was the husband who was always behind the wheel
operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in
an emergency. So one day out on the lake he suddenly said to his
wife,

"Ok honey, this is a drill. Pretend that I am having a heart
attack. You must get the boat safely to shore."

She was initially surprised and flustered, but she soon settled
down and was able to safely drive the boat to shore.

Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where
her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him,
grabbed the remote control, switched the channel, and said to
him,

"OK honey, this is a drill. Pretend I'm having a heart attack.
You must set the table, cook dinner, and wash the dishes."

[junjun]

good ,thank you...........................

[Gali]

very very nice and funny!
i really liked it' keep it up!
Thank you for share it with us!

[asafasaf]

hh nice 1 thx man :lol:

[http://neerajsingh.bizhat]

A very good collection dear...

Here is something from my side... to share with all of you.

How people give explanations for Leave.

Suddenly one of the employees in an organization took 10 days Leave without any notice. When he returned his PL asked for explanation.

The employee said "Sir, my mom died unexpectedly". The PL let it go at that. After 3 months the same pattern repeated, and this time he said his father died. Then the PL got changed. After 3 months the same pattern repeated. And the employee gave the explanation that his mom died. After 3 months same thing again... and this time his father died. This happened repeatedly for 2 years.

At the end, one PL checked his past records and told him, "I have caught you red handed, How come in the past 2 years, your mom has died 5 times, and your dad has died five times?"

To which the guy said, "Sir, my mom died and my father remarried. Then my father died and my new mom remarried. Then my mom died and the new father remarried. This has been going on and on and on and..."!!!!!!

[pH]

good one thanks for sharing neeraj

[pH]

The telephone lineman had been out drinking the night before, and
the next day he went to work not feeling too good.

He climbed to the top of the first pole and as he took his pliers
out to repair the wire he dropped them. He had to climb all the
way down to retrieve them. As he got to the bottom of the pole
and was picking up his pliers, a small boy who was standing there
said,

"My daddy is a lineman too and he would have had two pair of
pliers, so he wouldn't have to climb down the pole if he dropped
one of them".

The lineman tied to ignore the boy and climbed back up the pole
very slowly. About his time he needed a hammer to drive in a
large nail. As he was taking it out, it slipped and fell to the
ground. Again he had to climb down the pole to retrieve it. So he
slowly climbed down the pole and sure enough the little boy was
still standing there. He said,

"My daddy is a lineman too and he would have carried two hammers
so if he had lost one he wouldn't have to climb down".

This irritated the lineman, but he ignored the boy and climbed
back up the pole to finish his work. He was no sooner up the pole
when he had to go to the bathroom, so down he climbs from the
pole and goes over to the bushes to take a leak. As he was
relieving himself he saw the little boy watching him through the
bushes.

He'd had it with this kid so he says to him,

"I'll bet your dad doesn't have two of these, does he?"

The boy replied, "No, but his would make two of yours".