Adult jokes(A)

[indianbaba]

Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.

She says, "Hello class, I’m Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter."

The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."

A few days later the regular teacher is still sick. When Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I Remember it has an "R" after the first letter."

"That’s right," she coaxed.

Then after a few seconds Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"

[indianbaba]

Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development."

At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.

Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's' crude remarks. It is very likely that for tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems, when he says anything that appears rude, to get up and leave the class room"
Everybody agreed to this plan.

Next day, teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead Anita"

Anita: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk."

Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes Koosie!"

Koosie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home"

Teacher: "Excellent, thank you Koosie!"

At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the teacher asks : "Oh heavens, tell me Johnny what new development is being built near your home."

Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel"

As all the young ladies get up and proceed to leave, Little Johnny says, "Hey relax you little whores, it hasn’t opened yet!"

[indianbaba]

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the little jhonny walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little jhonny.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Damned if I know,'' said the little jhonny, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

[indianbaba]

One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed
in her cleavage.

She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How
about you, Johnny ?"

"Milk!" answered Little Johnny.

"No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer. Roses drink
water," explained the
teacher.

"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was
that long!"

[indianbaba]

Poker Game
Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself...television, ice cream, homework, video games...but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.

The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny, and without comment the game resumed.

For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the card players continued without any further interruptions.

After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in the world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!"

"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I just showed him how to jerk off.

[indianbaba]

Marriage Popular
Little Johnny and Susie, each five years old, decided to get married. So Little Johnny went to Susie's dad to ask for her hand in marriage.

"Where will you live?" asked Susie's dad, thinking this was cute.

"Well," said Little Johnny, "I figured I could just move into Susie's room. It's plenty big for both of us."

"And how will you live?"

"I get $5 a week allowance and Susie gets $5 a week allowance. That should be enough."

Getting exasperated since Little Johnny seems to know all the answers, Susie's dad asked, "And what if little ones come along?"

"Well," said Little Johnny, "we've been lucky so far."

[indianbaba]

Getting Divorced Popular
Little Johnny was playing in his room when his dad walked in and explained that he and his mom were getting a divorce.

"Why Daddy?" asked a confused Little Johnny.

"Well, son" he explained, "Your mother and I are no longer in love."

Now more confused, Little Johnny asked, "What does being in love mean?"

"Let me give you an example, son. Love is when a husband rushes home from a long day at work to embrace and kiss his wife at the door. Your mom and I have lost that love."

"But Daddy, I see Mommy getting excited lots of times right when you come home, so she must still be in love with you."

"I don't understand, son. When has your mother recently been excited when I arrive home from work?"

"Well, sometimes when Mommy is still sleeping in bed with the neighbor, and you pull into the driveway, she shouts at the top of her lungs, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!'"

[indianbaba]

Zoo
Little Johnny is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer.

Being a city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, "What's that, Miss Jones?"

Miss Jones decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your Mom calls your Dad, Johnny."

Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not stupid Miss Jones, I know that ain't a fuckin' pig!"

[indianbaba]

Birthday Gift
Mom and Dad sat little Johnnie down and asked him what he wanted for his birthday.

Johnnie said, "Umm, uhh, I wanna watch!"

So, they let him.

[indianbaba]

Who Said?
It was the end of the school year. The teacher had turned in her grades; there was nothing really for the class to do.

All the kids were restless and it was near the end of the day. So the teacher thought of an activity. She said, "The first ones to answer
correctly the questions I ask may leave early today." Little Johnny said to himself, "Good, I'm smart and I want to get outa here."

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" But before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln?"

The teacher said, "That's right, Susie. You may go." Johnny was mad that Susie had answered first.

The teacher asked, "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" But before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King!"

The teacher said, "That's right, Mary. You may go." Johnny was even madder than before. Mary had answered first.

The teacher asked, "Who
said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy piped, "John Kennedy!"

The teacher said, "That's right, Nancy. You may go." Now Johnny was furious! Nancy had answered first.

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny muttered, "I wish these girls would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher spun around. "WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"