(A+) t o d a y 's j o k e

**Guttu** · 03-12-2006, 02:30 PM

BTW I remember one more thing on cyclones
Why cyclones are named on womans name??
Ans: Thta bcoz both of them come in ur life and take away all
u hav

pH · 03-15-2006, 09:34 AM

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to
see
the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw
an
envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was
addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and
read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm
leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I
wanted
to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with
Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him
too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But
it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he
wants
me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though
Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is
it?),
and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our
relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has
other
girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way.
He
wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my
dreams
too.

Randy t aught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be
growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the
cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science
will
find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still
trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house.
I
just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call
when
it is safe for me to come home. I love you!

**Guttu** · 03-15-2006, 10:44 AM

that was tooo gud man

**indianbaba** · 03-15-2006, 12:17 PM

the last update was posted bfore in this forum.
Anyway nice one.

**http://neerajsingh.bizhat** · 03-22-2006, 06:22 AM

The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."

She looked down at his shoes and said:

"You lying b*******! You've been playing golf!"

The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

"Not this time!"

The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.

Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home "I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

"Oh, No!!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead!"

The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, and then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said," pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue," she replied, "the Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a darned thing."

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked:

"How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.

"Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied:

"Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied:

"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:

"I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace.

I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."

**http://neerajsingh.bizhat** · 03-22-2006, 09:22 AM

Report from Banta Singh to his manager:

Dear Sir,

Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change.

We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards:

Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December.

As well as:

Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak.

I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? We'll await your direction."

Very Sincerelk,

Banta.S

Y to K Project Leader

**http://neerajsingh.bizhat** · 03-24-2006, 10:53 AM

Here's the untold secret of Happy married life....!!!

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their
domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. What a
peaceful & loving couple". A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as
to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited
the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by
horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled. My wife
quietly said, 'That's once'."

"We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again. Once more
my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'

"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time. My
wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

"I started an angry protest over her treatment of the horse, while I was
shouting; She looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once'.

"And we lived happily ever after."