Some more jokes....

[earpit]

A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live.

'Of course Darling.' she replied. And so they have sex.

Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again, and says, 'you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?'

Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.

Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, 'You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?'

By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.

After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, 'Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?'

Well, she turns to him with a grimaced look on her face and says, 'You know.. you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!!!'

[earpit]

Robert: Boss, Sona kahan hai ? (Where is the Gold?)
Ajit: Kahin par bhi so jao Rawbert, hum to Mona ke saath soyenge!

Rawbert: Boss, I've had twins! Mere dono bachchon ke liye koi naam bataiye...
Ajit: Ek ka naam rakho Peter...
Rawbert: Boss... aur doosre ka?
Ajit: Repeater!

Rawbert: Boss, mera teesra bachcha ho gaya, uska naam soch ke bataiye.
Ajit: Peter, Repeater ke baad teesre ka naam Chang Lee.
Rawbert: Teesre ka naam "Chang Lee" kyo boss?
Ajit: Silly boy, iss duniya mein paida hone waalaa har teesra bachcha Chinese hota hai!

Lily: Boss, mere ko twins hoey hain.. dono ladki ke liye koi naam suggest kijiye.
Ajit: Very simple... ek ka naam rakho Kate...
Lily: Aur doosre ka?
Ajit: Dupli-Kate!

Rawbert: Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jyada pasand hein?
Ajit: Ek Mona, doosra Sona, aur tisra, Mona ke saath sona!

Ajit: Rawbert,is ko microprocessor may daal do! Bit by bit mar jaayga gaa saala!

Ajit: Rawbert, is ko liquid oxygen may daal do! Liquid issay jeenay nahi de gaa, oxygen issay marnay nahi de gaa!

Ajit: Rawbert, Diana ko thoda khatta khila dayna, yeh Diana se dinasour ban ho jayegi, phir extinct bhi ho jaayegi!

Ajit: Rawbert, isey thodi shampane pila do, paheley shame sey, phir pane sey mar jayegaa kameena.

Ajit: Mona daarrling, tum Toni ke saath ghuumna band kar do, nahin to bahut MonaToni ho jayegee!

Ajit: Maikal, ise liquid helium mein daal ke 440 V pass kar do. Phir yeh superconductor ban jaayega, aur zindagi bhar ticket kaat-ta reh jaayega!

Maikal: Baaas, yeh aadmi to kuch bol hi nahin raha hai. Kya karen?
Ajit: Ise revaalving chair mein daal do. Pata chal jaayega chakkar kya hai.

Ajit: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Rawbert: Magar kyoon baas?
Ajit: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.

Rawbert: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headache ho raha hai.
Ajit: Abe bewakoof! Head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padega.

Rawbert: Boss, China se Mr.Hu aayee hain.
Ajit: Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasayenge.

[earpit]

Santa Singh was driving along the highway when a police officer pulled him over for speeding. The officer is Banta Singh.

Officer: May I see your licence?

Santa Singh: License? What does it look like?

Officer: Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.

Santa looks around the car for a rectangular piece of object and finds a compact mirror used by his wife in the glove compartnment.

Santa Singh: Here - this is all I have!

Banta Singh opens it up and says: Oye yaar! Why didn't you tell me! I can't fine you - you're also a police officer!

[earpit]

A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an erection.

Doctor: Are you married?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you masturbate?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?

Patient: No.

Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calender taangega?

[earpit]

The local paper in Delhi carries an advert for a job opening for a male for the post of 'ladies pubic hair shaver'.

Santa Singh rings up the number shown, and the man answers the phone asks him some questions.

'First things first,' he says. 'Are you single?'

'Oh yes,' says the applicant.

'That's good,' says the man, 'we've had a lot of trouble in the past with people who are married. Their wives get annoyed. Now, secondly, do you have a current ten-year passport?'

'Yes,' says the young applicant.

'Brilliant,' says the man. 'Often we find that people have a problem with travelling all over the globe for shaving young models who travel to different countries.

'Oh no, not me,' says Santa. 'I love to travel.'

'Great,' says the man. 'And what about supermodels? Do you think you'd have a problem getting close to beautiful women like Aishwarya, Sushmita? Apart from shaving them, you might even have to party with them and keep them company. How would you deal with that?'

'I'd be fine,' says the applicant.

'I love talking to women and I don't think I'd be intimidated.'

'Excellent,' says the man. 'Now, what about the shaving of the most private parts of a woman? Would you get flustered peeling bikini bottoms off beautiful women, foaming them up and shaving their pubic regions? This sort of intimacy can sometimes make a man nervous.'

'No way,' says Santa Singh. 'I have no problem with nudity or intimacy with gorgeous women. I'd be both discreet and charming.'

'Well,' says the man, 'you sound as if you could be just right for the job. I'll send you a rail-ticket for Kanyakumari.'

'Is that where my first job is?' asks Santa very excited.

'Oh no,' says the man. 'That's where the queue for the interviews starts!'

[earpit]

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away Santa Singh went straight round to visit his grandmother. When he asked how his grandpa had died, his granny explained 'He had a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning'

Horrified Santa suggested that shagging at the age of 94 was surely asking for trouble.

'Oh no' granny replied, 'We had sex every Sunday morning, in time with the local church bells, in with the dings and out with the dongs.'

She paused, and wiped away a tear. 'If it wasn't for that damn fire engine going past, he'd still be alive!'

[earpit]

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle.

She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him what he did for sex.

'What's that?' he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said 'Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree.'

'Tarzan, you have it all wrong,' she says horrified, 'but I will show you how to do it properly.'

She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide.

'Here,' she said, 'You must put it in here.'

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, 'What the hell did you do that for?'

'Just checking for bees,' said Tarzan.

[earpit]

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his penis in preparation of sex with his wife.

Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously 'What ya doin dad?'

His father quickly replied, 'I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.'

To which Little Johnny replied 'What ya gonna do, screw him?'

[earpit]

Jaspinder meets a her school friend after 20 years and tells her how her life has been great and that she has 10 children.

'Wow!' says her friend. 'What are their names?'

'Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep and Mandeep,' she answers, smiling proudly.

Her friend looks at her dubiously. 'Really?' she says. 'So what if you want them to come in from playing outside?'

'That's easy, I just shout Mandeep and they all come running,' answers Jaspinder.

Her friend is not convinced. 'And what if you want them to come to the table for dinner?' she asks. 'Again,' she says, 'I just shout 'Mandeep, dinner's ready!''

'But wait a minute,’ says her friend. 'What if you just want one of them to do something?'

'That is slightly more difficult,' says the woman, nodding. 'Then I have to use their last names.'

[earpit]

An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.

The mother asks the daughter, 'What are you doing naked?'

The daughter responds, 'This is the dress of love.'

When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband.

When her husband arrives, he asks her, 'What are you doing naked?'

She responds, 'This is the dress of love.'

'Well,' he says to her, 'go iron it.'