Some more jokes....

**earpit** · 03-17-2006, 09:01 AM

A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an erection.

Doctor: Are you married?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you masturbate?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?

Patient: No.

Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calander taangega?

**earpit** · 03-17-2006, 09:01 AM

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so she took him aside after class one day.

'Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?'

'I'm in love,' replied Little Johnny.

Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, 'With whom?'

'With you!' he said.

'But Little Johnny,' said the teacher gently, 'don't you see how silly that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't want a child.'

'Oh, don't worry,' said Little Johnny reassuringly, 'I'll use a condom!'

**earpit** · 03-17-2006, 09:02 AM

After an enjoyable eighteen hole of golf, a man stopped in a bar for a beer before heading home. There he struck up a conversation with a ravishing young beauty. They had a couple of drinks, liked each other, and soon she invited him over to her apartment. For two hours they made mad, passionate love.

On the way home, the the man's conscience started bothering him something awful. He loved his wife and didn't want this unplanned indiscretion to ruin their relationship, so he decided the only thing to do was come clean.

'Honey,' he said when he got home, 'I have a confession to make. After I played golf today, I stopped by the bar for a beer, met a beautiful woman, went back to her apartment and made love to her for two hours. I'm sorry, it won't ever happen again, and I hope you'll forgive me.'

His wife scowled at him and said, 'Don't lie to me, you sorry scumbag! You played thirty-six holes, didn't you?'

**earpit** · 03-17-2006, 09:02 AM

A nervous lady sat on a dentist's chair to get her tooth extracted, seeing too many instruments she got frightened.

'Doctor, I would rather have my baby than my tooth pulled out'

The dentist retorted 'Well make up your mind so that I can adjust the chair accordingly'.

**earpit** · 03-17-2006, 09:02 AM

Santa Singh was talking to his friend Banta about his love life.

'So, Santa, how's it going with the girls?'

'Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects.'

'Really?'

'Yes,' Santa shook his head, 'Whenever I mention sex, they object.'

**earpit** · 03-17-2006, 09:03 AM

Feeling very lonely because her husband had died the year before, a lady decides to buy a parrot to keep her company.

'I’ve got just the thing for you,' says the pet-shop owner. 'This is Madhuri, a female parrot - she will chat sweetly to you all day.'

The lady is delighted and buys the bird. When she gets the parrot home she says, ‘Come on, Madhuri - say something.'

Madhuri says ‘My name is Madhuri. I like to fuck and I want some sex!'

The old lady is shocked and nearly passes out. She leaves it for an hour or so and approaches the parrot once more. But no luck: 'My name is Madhuri and I want to fuck!'

Just then her local pandit calls and the woman feels she must askhim for help. She explains her bad luck with the parrot.

'Don’t worry,’ says the pandit, 'I’ve got three parrots at home and I’ve taught them so well that all they do is pray all day! Let me take Madhuri to them and they’ll make her a good parrot.'

The widow agrees and so the pandit leaves with Madhuri. He gets home and tells his parrots, 'This is Madhuri, she is bad, you must teach her to be good.'

Madhuri shouts, ‘My name is Madhur, I like to fuck and I want sex now.'

The pandit’s parrots look at each other and one shouts, ‘I told you if we prayed long enough...'

**earpit** · 03-17-2006, 09:03 AM

An old woman goes into a sex shop and asks the assistant if she can have a look at an assortment of vibrators.

Despite a wide range of colours, shapes and sizes, none of them appeal to the old lady.

She looks up and says to the assistant, 'Can I have a look at that red one up there on the shelf?'

'No,' replies the shop assistant. 'That's my thermos flask.'