GABTUN_GHAZINI

[suryacrimson]

Damn hillarious... Its long but really really funny..must read article...do read it when u find time

Non tamilians ..kindly excuse..
Maramando : Part 1

Buratchi Kalaignar Gabtun

and

'Kutti yaanai' 9thara

in

Maramando
. . . the unbreakable head



Joom sot into Vaaniyambadi Dr. Babar Kausar's Chittukuruvi Legyam Research Institute. Background ellam oru effect-kaaga blue-a irukkum, adhukkaga idha blue film edukkara edam-nu nenachudatheenga. Sutheevara orey test tubes and beakers. Adhaavathu ippadi ellam vecha oru oru research centre-aam. Nadoola namma doctor final year students-ku lecture kodukkaraaru . . .

Doctor : Brain is the most important part of the human body. Udambin mukkiyamaana paguthi moolai. It controls our sense. Namma unarchigal ellam moolai dhaan kattupaduthum.
Gumitha : Sir, neenga yaen Balachander padathula vara maadhiri English dialogue-a tamil-la translate pannitae irukeenga?
Doctor : Konjam moodittu irukkaya nee? 1 hr lecture kodunga-nu Principal sollitaaru, andha alavukku vishayam theriya vaendaama enakku?!
Gumitha : Sorry sir.
Doctor : So, as I was saying, the brain of an average man weighs about 2 kgs. Saraasari manidha moolai-in edai 2 kgs.
Gumitha : Sir idhu Chanakya pada trailer laenthu dhaaney copy adicheenga?
Doctor : Oh, neeyum andha trailer-a paathutaya?
Gumitha : Ada, adhula naan vaai-la veral-a vechundu dancey aadi irukkaen sir!
Doctor : Karmam nee dhaana adhu? Padikkartha thavira ellam pannu!
Gumitha : Next enna 95% of the human brain is filled with oxygen-a?
Doctor : Inga naan doctor-a illa nee doctor-a!
Gumitha : Oh neenga doctor-a? Sollave illa!
*bell rings*
Doctor : Nallavae-la bella adichuduchu. After class hours enna question ellam kaettu disturb pannarthu enakku pidikkathu. Naan en room-ku poraen, thank you!

*scene cut to library*

Friend : Namma final year project pannanum-la?
Gumitha : Aamam andha yezhavu vaera irukku.
Friend 2 : Inimae daily kaarthala 6-ku ezhunthu lets work on it di.
Gumitha : Kaalankaarthala ezhunthu panna adhu enna margazhi maasa bajanai-a?
Friend 2 : Unakku ippadi dhaan seriousness-ey kedayathu. Udambu vecha aandavan unakku moolai-a vekkala!
Gumitha : Adangu nee. Seri endha topic-la pannalam?
Friend : Marma saamiyaarin inba leelaigal topic-la pannalama? Adhu namma instituion-oda chittu kuruvi legyam research-ku romba useful-a irukkum.
Gumitha : Idhu Pilot theater-la release aara padam title maadhiri irukku!
Friend : Appo neeyae idea kodu.
Gumitha : Edhavathu oru famous personality-oda moolai-a aaraichu pannuvoma?
Friend 2 : Like?
Gumitha : George Bush?
Friend : Adhu romba kashtam.
Gumitha : Yaen?
Friend : First avar moolai-a kandu pudikka oru visaaranai commision vekkanum. Adhu kandu pudichu appuram project pannarthukkulla Deve Gowda mandailaye mudi molachidum.
Gumitha : Ayyoda. Ippo enna paannarthu?
Friend : Hey indha case file paaru... Vijay Munusamy. Interesting-a irukku.



Friend 2 : Ayyo paavam. Accident case nenaikkaraen. Face paaru evalo mosama damage aagi irukku.
Gumitha : Chi, adhu avar original photo di!
Friend : Hey, va ippove doctor kitta poi permission vaangidalam.

*scene cut to staff room. only gumitha goes in, others wait outside*

Gumitha : Naanga final year project panna porom.
Doctor : Nee konjam gundu dhaan. Adhukkaga unnaye plural-la refer pannika vaendaam ma, its ok.
Gumitha : (turns around and sees none of her friends around) Aiyyo ulla vaanga di, en maanam poguthu.
Doctor : Evalo paer pannareenga?
Gumitha : 11 paer sir.
Doctor : Ithu enna cricket team-a? Oru team-la 3 paer dhaan ma.
Gumitha : Illa sir, gumbal-a panna konjam jolly-a irukkum.
Doctor : Gumbal-a edukka idhu enna kaavadi-a? Project ma.
Gumitha : Seri sir. Naanga indha Vijay Munusamy case-la dhaan project panna porom sir.
Doctor : (shocked) NO. Pona varushama ippadi dhaan avara naer-la interview edukkaraen paervazhi-nu ponaan oruthan. On the spot ear-laenthu bleed aagi seththu poitaan.
Gumitha : Ear bleeding-a?
Doctor : Aamam. Avar pathi unakku theriyaathu. Avar oru aeroplane maadhiri.
Gumitha : Appadina?
Doctor : Speech start pannarchae kaathula panju vecha, adhu niruthara varaikkum edukka koodathu.
Gumitha : Edutha?
Doctor : Adhey panja mookula vechukka vaendiyathu dhaan!
Gumitha : Please sir. Romba interesting-a irukku sir.
Doctor : No, indha project-ku ungalukku permission kodukka maaten.
Gumitha : Seri sir, indha project dhaan illa. Atleast avar-oda problems ellam sollunga sir therinjukkarom.
Doctor : Avarukku aayiram prechanai irukkum. Adhellam en kitta vandhu solla naan enna Aunt Agony column-a nadatharaen!
Gumitha : Aiyo illa sir. Avaroda medical condition pathi sollunga.
Doctor : Oh adhuva. He is suffering from Short Term Memory Loss.
Gumitha : Gnabaga marathi-nu sollungalaen!
Doctor : Chi moodhevi. Idhu oru vyaadhi. 15 mins dhaan edhuva irundhalum gnabagam irukkum.
Gumitha : Enna kodumai sir idhu?
Doctor : Avar thalai-la yaaro balama irumbu rod-aala adichutaanga.
Gumitha : Appuram?
Doctor : Adhukku adutha naal Army leave vuttu ellarukkum chocolate ellam koduthaanga.
Gumitha : Oh avalo periya manushana avar... Seri, adhu enna sir vyaadhi Dang Dwist?
Doctor : Adhu for example, nee "toilet poitu varaen" appadinu en kitta eppadi solluva?
Gumitha : Naan toilet porathu yaen sir unga kitta sollanum! Enakku ennavo doubt-aave irukku. Doctor, unga nick name Prakash illaye?
Doctor : Aiyyo, oru example-ku sonnaen, sollu, eppadi solluva.
Gumitha : Toilet poitu varaen sir, appadinu solluvaen.
Doctor : Adhu avarala mudiyaathu. "Doilet Boitu Varaen Zir" abbadi...chi...appadinu dhaan solluvar avar.
Gumitha : Oh avarukku P seriya varaatha?
Doctor : Ennama asingama pesara!
Gumitha : Iyyo, alphabet sir.
Doctor : Oh, adhuva. Aaamam. Avarukku tongue konjam ullukkula sozhatti sozhatti indha vyaadhi vandhiduchu. Adhaan paeru Dang Dwist.
Gumitha : Ippo avar enga sir irukkaru?

*scene cut*

Oru door breakings and adhulaenthu dhoosi ellam kalambi one person fallings. Gabtun face-a joom panni kaattarom.
Bad Guy : Naan appove sonnaen-la?
Vijay : Ennathu?
Bad Guy : Door maela saayaatha, thaangaathu-nu sonnaeney, kaettaya?
Vijay : India-la moththam 4 kodi gathavu irukku. Adhula paint adicha gatahavin ennaikkai 3 kodi. Varnish bannatha gathavin ennikkai 1 kodi. Indha gathava dhaappa boattu matter bannavanga 1 kodiye 2 latchathi 17 aayiram baer. Dhaappa bodaama matter bannavanga 2 kodiye 4 latcham baer. Matter bannartha etti baarthathu naan oruthan dhaan da! Arricane-a irundhaalum seri, buyal-a irundhaalum seri, indha Vijay baer-a kaetta dhirumbi gadalukkae boidum!
Bad Guy dies on the spot.
Vijay : Dei, naan innum dialogue solli mudikkala, elunthuru da!

Vijay oru paper cutting vechu seththu ponavan face-um andha paper-la irukkara face-um match aagutha appadinu nalla checkings. Appuram adha photo eduthuttu he writes "Saapter Glose" and walks off as if nothing happened.

Police (Riyaz Khan) come to the scene and investigate. The villain (Lakshman) also comes with all his adiyaal to survey the scene. Riyaz benda down and checks everywhere and with one kuchi he nondifies one small bit of evidence.

Riyaz : Indha oru evidence pothum, avana seekiram pudichuduvaen!
Lakshman : Appadi enna evidence?
Riyaz : Idhu paarunga... (he shows a small tag with the number 180 written on it)
Lakshman : Ennathu idhu? Token-a?
Riyaz : Illa, pin pakkam paarunga Sudarmani appadinu ezhuthi irukku. So idhu kolaikaaran-oda jetty size-a dhaan irukkanum!
Lakshman : 180 cms-a? Appadi!
Riyaz : Correct, adhaan main clue. Normal-a kadai-la 105 cms size varaikkum dhaan jetty vipaanga. 180 cms-na kolaigaaran naera Tiruppur factory-la dhaan order panni irukkanum!
Lakshman : Brilliant inspector!
Riyaz : Jetty-la enna brilliant vaendi kedakku? Avan en kitta vasamaa maatikittan! Poraen, innikkae Tiruppur poi complete-a visaarikkaraen!


After having succesfully gilled one bad guy, Gabtun has to go home soon and decides to gatch an aaddo. He however had no idea that his jetty tag had been left at the grime zeen. Ordinary-a aaddo budicha Gabtun fans kova baduvaanga-nu, avungala blease banna Gabtun bulti adichu, kaathula baranthu boi oru running auto munnadi land aagi foo-nu oodhararu. Driver loses gondrol and stops the aaddo.

Driver : Dei, auto vaenumna kai kaamchu nirutha maattiya?
Gabtun : En vazhi, thani vazhi!
Driver : Appo nadanthey po!!
Gabtun : Aaddo varuma varaatha?
Driver : Varaathu.
Gabtun : Enga enna baathu sollu, en ganna baathu sollu.
Driver : Indha iruttula nee theriyarthey periya matter, idhula specific-a un kannu ellam paaka mudiyaathu!
Gabtun : Meter-ku maela nooru roobai tharaen.
Driver : Nee okkantha auto-ve nasungidum, idhula nee kodukkara 100 roobai vechu naan enna Marutius-ku poi matter-a panna mudiyum?
Gabtun : 1000 roobai tharaen, varuviya?
Driver : Dei, enna da night time highways-la gujili-a koopdara maadhiri koopadra? Irundhaalum nee ivalo kenji kaekkarthaala naan varaen. Enga poganum?
Gabtun : Indha boto baar.
Driver : Idhula enna?
Gabtun : Nalla baar.
Driver : 1st Cross, Beasant Nagar-nu ezhuthi irukku. Adhukku enna?
Gabtun : Anga dhaan boganum.
Driver : Ada naathaari naaye, adha neeyae padichu sollarthukku enna? Indha yezhavukku oru colour photo veraya?
Gabtun : Enaggu Sort Tarm Memary Lass ba.
Driver : Oho. Adhu enna Beasant Nagar 1st cross, 2nd cross-nu?
Gabtun : Beasant Nagar-la motham 278 gross irukku, adhula mudhalavathu gross-a first gross-nu, rendavathu gross-a second gross-nu.....< Driver : No, no, never! Paavi, Short Term Memory Loss-la idhellam marakka maattiya da nee? Seri okkanthu thulai!

Gabtun reaches his house showing three other photos to the driver each of which contained one line of address including pin code. Driver-ku semma kaduppu. Enga vaai koduthu maatinduduvomo-nu bayathula he kept quiet. Gabtun meets the watchman in his abartment.

Gabtun : Neenga...?
Watchman : Abdul Kalam-oda right hand.
Gabtun : Enna??
Watchman : Pinna...light blue shirt and dark blue pant poattu, kai-la lathi and whistle-oda suththara naan enna US Ambassador-ava iruppaen? Watchman dhaan.
Gabtun : India-la motham...
Watchman : Neenga edhuvum pesa venaam. Unga veedu 2nd floor-la rendavathu veedu. Edhavathu help vaenumna enna please kooptudaatheenga. Pona vaaram dhaan kaathu operation pannirukaen. Unga kitta pesina uyirukku aabathu-nu doctor solli irukkar.

*Scene cut. Riyaz Khan is investigating about the jetty tag in Tirupur*

Riyaz : Inga Sudarmani-ngarthu?
Manager : Naan use pannara brand dhaan sir sollunga.
Riyaz : Adhu enga manufacture panreenga?
Manager : Sudarmani jetty-a Disney Land-laya manufacture pannuvaanga. Inga dhaan factory-la.
Riyaz : Unga factory-a naan suthi paakalama?
Manager : Sorry sir, adhukku warrant vaenum. Jetty-la naanga latest designs poattuttu irukkom, trade secret, veliya theriya koodathu.
Riyaz : Jetty-ey veliya theriyaathey! Perusa super-man-ku jetty thayarikkara maadhiri peethikkareenga?!
Manager : Irundhaalum adhu enga mudhalaali-oda order sir. Jetty-a kaatta mudiyaathu.
Riyaz : Appo atleast enakku unga customers pathi info kedaikuma?
Manager : Yes.
Riyaz : Neenga all sizes jetty produce pannareengala?
Manager : Ofcourse. Thevai patta tailor vechu thechu tharuvom!
Riyaz : 180cm-ku yaaravathu jetty vaangi irukaangala unga kitta?
Manager : One second sir, en database-a paathu sollaraen.
Riyaz : Oru naatham pudicha jetty-a thaeda oracle database-a? Idhellam too much-a illa?
Manager : Rendu paerukku dhaan sir thechirukkom.
Riyaz : Avunga paer and address vaenum.
Manager : First. Ganesa, Temple Elephant, Guruvayoor, Kerala.
Riyaz : Innonnu??
Manager : Vijay Munusamy, 1st Cross, Beasant Nagar, Chennai, TamilNadu.
Riyaz : Perfect! Avar photo irukkuma?
Manager : Inga dhaan sir irundhuchu, but ippo illa. Dhrishti pooshanikkai-la print panna bayangara demand irundhuchu. So avungalukku vithuttom. Oru oru pooshinikkai-kum engalukku royalty kidaikkum.
Riyaz : Oh. Ungalukku andha moonji gnabagam irukka?
Manager : No, daily kanavula vandhu bayamauruthuthu-nu maranthuttaen!
Riyaz : But 180cm jetty-na adhu kandippa measure panni dhaan thechirupeenga, right?
Manager : Yes sir.
Riyaz : Appo andha tailor-a naan paaka mudiyuma?
Manager : Sure.
Riyaz : Konjam urgent.
Manager : Bathroom pakkathula dhaan irukku. Don worry, naanga cam ellam edhuvum fit pannala. Dheiriyama poitu vaanga.
Riyaz : Aiyyo, naan tailor-a seekiram paarkanum sonnaen sir.

*Manager informs over phone to bring the tailor. After 5 mins one man comes inside the room*

Tailor : May I come in sir?
Manager : Idhellam veliya ninnu kaekka vaendiya kelvi! Anyways ivar un kitta edho kelvi kaekkanumaam.
Riyaz : Vijay Munusamy-ku jetty thechathu neenga dhaana?
Tailor : Yes sir.
Riyaz : Avar face ungalukku gnabagam irukka?
Tailor : Yes sir. Urundai-a theenju pona paanai maadhiri moonji. Kunnakudi neththi pottu maadhiri red-a kannu. South Indian Amul Baby. Enna colour mattum konjam butter-la kari-a kalantha maadhiri irukkum.
Riyaz : Eppadi ivalo proper-a gnabagam vechirukeenga?
Tailor : Rendu inch tape idhu varaikkum vaera yaarukkum use pannathey illa.>
Riyaz : (shows the tag to the taior) Idhu avarthu dhaana?
Tailor : Kandippa sir. Idhula 180cm, Sudarmani-nu ezhuthinathu naan dhaan!
Riyaz : Thanks a lot! Indha case mattum naan solve pannina, ungalukku commisioner kitta solli puthu jetty vaangi tharaen. Bye!

*Riyaz Khan now starts towards Gabtun's house. Scene cut*

*Gabtun has now reached his house and looks into his room. Sevuru ellam kirukki irukku, oru map maadhiri...to "find im and gill im"..Desk full-a naraya snaps...velakkari photo, thoattakaari photo, paalkaari photo appadinu Gabtun-ku yega patta figure contacts. Gabtun adhellam uththu paarthu konja neram sight adikkaraaru, giving romantic looks and biting his theenju pona lips. Appuram Gabtun udambula kuththi irukkara pachai ellam padichu, adhula irukkara instructions follow banna try bannaraar. But avar skin colour-ku kuththina pachai oru yezhavum kannukku therila. So udambula torch light adichu onnu onna padikkaraaru. Gabtun thodai-la oru message "Save Here" appadinu. So Gabtun starts saving there, and adha sutheevara save panna oru 3 hrs aaguthu. Riyaz Khan meanwhile slowly enters the room and he sees Gabtun shaving the thodai. Gabtun-a paarthu bayanthu poi, orama he sits telling Sashti Kavasam and waiting for Gabtun to be done with it. Methuva Gabtun pakkama poi oru kattai-aala Gabtun mandai-la adikkaraaru. Kattai thool thool-a odanju poiduthu. Gabtun turns back and stares at Riyaz. Riyaz bayathula mayakkam boattu fallings*

*After sometime, Riyaz slowly opens his eyes and finds himself tied in a chair. Gabtun is sitting in front of him with a diary*

Riyaz : Enna pannara?
Gabtun : Naan en gathai solla boraen un kitta. Flasbak.
Riyaz : Adhukku edhukku enna katti vechirukka?
Gabtun : En kooda yaarum besave maataengraanga. Bayanthu odaraanga. Adhaan unna gatti vechiruggaen.
Riyaz : Karichettikku black paint adicha maadhiri oru moonji vechukittu irundha ellarum odaama enna pannuvaanga?
Gabtun : Enakkku enna guraichal?
Riyaz : Ellam jaasthi-a irukku, adhaan kurai!
Gabtun : Naan udambu kuraikka Exorcise bannaen. Aana use illa.
Riyaz : Udambu kuraikka pei verattiniya??
Gabtun : Chi chi. Udarpayirchi. Exorcise.
Riyaz : English varala-na vittu thulaiyaen! Adhu exercise!
Gabtun : Ogo. Seri ippo gathai gaelu nee.
Riyaz : Dei nee dhaan irutta irukka, atleast veetla light-aavathu poattu vidu da, bayama irukku!
Gabtun : Su. Besaama gathai gaelu.

*Gabtun opens the diary*

To be continued...

[tuluvaguy]

even i know Tamil.But what to do who doesnt know tamil??

[indianbaba]

yeah, well said tuluvaguy.
@crimson, u could have said that in the topic that it is intended only for tamil knowing users only.