HAPPINESS
To b happy w/ a man, u must understand him a lot & love him a little.
To b happy w/ a woman, u must love her a lot & not try 2 understand her @ all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men r a lot more willing 2 die.

PROPENSITY 2 CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, & she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anythg a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW 2 STOP PPL FROM BUGGING U ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used 2 come up 2 me @ weddings, poking me in the ribs & cackle " u're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thg 2 them @ funerals

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is 1 who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is 1 who can find such a man.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 4 a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 4 a $2 item that she doesn't need.