Drinking jokes

**COPTICCIN** · 07-04-2006, 02:47 PM

Serving Pie

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a
result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother
after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the
office.

When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the
kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie,
giving it to his father
who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a
second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave
it to a guest.

This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use,
Dad. The pieces are all the same size

**COPTICCIN** · 07-04-2006, 02:47 PM

Cyanide Watermelons

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty
well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak
into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea
that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.

He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day,
the kids show up and they saw the sign which read: "Warning!
One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with
cyanide."

The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next
to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed
the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but
the sign next to his read: "Now there are two!"

**COPTICCIN** · 07-04-2006, 02:48 PM

The Rules of Chocolate

1. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

3. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

4. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

5. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

6. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

7. Money talks. Chocolate sings.

8. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

9. Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.

10. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

11. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

12. If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

**COPTICCIN** · 07-04-2006, 02:48 PM

Definition of Outdoor BBQ

Definition of Outdoor BBQ....it's the only type of cooking a real man do.

When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion.

The woman goes to the store.
The woman fixes the salad, vegetables and dessert.
The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
The man places the meat on the grill.
The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off."
And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

**COPTICCIN** · 07-04-2006, 02:49 PM

What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.

**COPTICCIN** · 07-04-2006, 02:50 PM

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

QUESTION: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? ANSWER: Pumpkin pi.