Jokes by Aramannie

[aramannie]

i suppose u missed me:P hehehe sorry i was away... (i am tending to be.. for i don't have much time:D anyways. don't worry u will always have jokes around. i promise:D

[aramannie]

<u>WAYS 2 CONFUSE UR ROOMMATE (rmmt)</u>
1. Challenge ur rmmt 2 a duel, when refused, u won by forfeit, oblige him 2 leave all his possessions 2 u
2. Get some hair. Disperse it around ur rmmt's head while he’s asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by ur bed. Snicker @ ur rmmt every morning.
3. When ur rmmt comes in, pretend that u’re on the phone, screaming angrily & shouting obscenities. After u hang up, say, "That was ur mom. She said she'd call back."
4. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While u’re doing so, look @ ur rmmt & mutter, "Soon, soon....”
5. Sign ur rmmt up 4 various activities. (Campus tour guide, blood donor, organ donor
6. Hit ur rmmt on the head w/ a brick. Claim that u were trying 2 kill a mosquito.
7. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb. Replace it the next day. Complain about the cost of bulbs.
8. Unplug everyth in the room but a toaster. Pray & bring it gifts. Burn some of ur rmmt's stuff, blaming the toaster
9. Keep a tarantula in a jar for 3 days. Then get rid of the tarantula. If ur rmmt asks, say, "Oh, he's around here somewhere."
10. Tell ur rmmt "I've got a vital message 4 u." Then faint. When u recover, forget the message, later remember & before telling it faint again. Repeat
11. Change the locks on the door. Ask ur outside-roommate 2 tell the password. Change the password often. If ur rmmt can't guess it, make him pay a tithe
12. Hang a horseshoe above the door. Then, take the horseshoe down & wrap ur head in bandages. When u c ur rmmt, look above the door where the horseshoe used 2 be, hold ur head & mutter, "Stupid horseshoe...."
13. Fill an empty shaving cream can w/ whipped cream. Give it 2 ur rmmt. Later c free honey!
14. Sit & stare @ ur rmmt 4 hours. Bring others in 2 join u. Eat peanuts, throwing a few @ ur rmmt. Then say, "Boy, these zoos just aren’t what they used 2 be."
15. Talk back 2 ur "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor & kick it. Refuse 2 clean it up, explaining, "No, I want 2 watch them suffer."
16. Draw a tiny, black spot on ur arm. Make it bigger every day. Look @ it & say, "It's spreading, it's spreading."
17. Start dressing like an Indian. If ur rmmt inquires, claim that u’re getting in touch w/ ur Native American roots. If he accuses u of not having any, claim that he has offended ur ppl & curse him.
18. Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When ur rmmt comes in, say, "Don't worry. It's not what u think." If he asks about it again, immediately change the subject.
19. Hold a raffle, offering ur rmmt as 1st prize, tell him that it's 4 charity.
20. Bring in potential "new" rmmts from around campus. Give them tours of the room. Have them ask about ur rmmt in front of him & reply, "Oh, him? He won't b here much longer” & snicker
21. Sit in front of a chessboard 4 hours, saying nothg, doing nothg. Then, look up & say, "I think this game goes a lot faster w/ 2 players."

[aramannie]

7- 1st SCHOLAR DAY
1. Smoke a pipe & respond 2 each point the professor makes by saying, "Quite right, old bean!"
2. Spend the lecture blowing kisses 2 other students.
3. Claim 2 b the teaching assistant. If the real 1 objects, jump up & scream "IMPOSTER!"
4. Sit in the front & color ur textbook.
5. When the professor calls ur name in roll, respond "that's my name, don't wear it out!"
6. Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.
7. Claim that u wrote the textbook.
8. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
9. stuff chalk in the chalkboard erasers
10. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, & ask the professor if he's been drinking.
11. Ask whether the 1st chapter will b on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of ur textbook.
12. Feign an unintelligible accent & repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand u.
13. Ask whether u have 2 come 2 class.
14. Address the professor as "ur excellency".
15. When the professor calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."
16. Insist in a Southern drawl that ur name really is Wuken Li. If u actually r Chinese, insist that ur name is Vladimir Fernandez O'Reilly.
17. Correct the professor @ least 10 times on the pronunciation of ur name.
18. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis & snickering.
19. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK ur FLY".
20. Interrupt every few minutes 2 ask the professor, "Can u spell that?"

[mistertomer]

L-O-L!!!!!good ones!!!

[unknowndady]

I wonder whose ur sorcer?

[unknowndady]

tell me please.I give you laughs

[aramannie]

8- NON-MATTERING FINAL
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" & do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few min early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it’s a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it’s long answer/essay form, answer w/ numbers & symbols.
4. Show up completely drunk. (Should start crying 4 mommy).
5. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say " u don't really expect me 2 waste my time on this drivel? Frasier is on!!!"
6. Read questions aloud; debate ur answers w/ urself loudly. If asked 2 stop, yell, "I'm SO sure u can hear me thinking." Then talk about what a jerk the instructor is
7. About 5 min into the exam, loudly say 2 the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been 2 every lecture all semester long! & who the hell r u? Where's the regular guy?" & ask 4 the answer of the questions.
8. Bring a Game Boy. Play w/ the volume @ max level.
9. Bring a friend 2 give u a back massage. Insist that u have bad circulation.
10. Bring cheat sheets 4 ANOTHER CLASS (like history notes 4 a calculus exam... otherwise u’re not just failing, u’re getting kicked out too) & staple them 2 the exam, w/ the comment "Plz use the attached notes 4 references as u c fit."
11. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme 2 Jeopardy.
12. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice, spell out interesting thgs (DCCAB. BABE etc..).
13. Complete the exam w/ everyth u write being backwards @ a 90 degree angle.
14. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
15. Answer the exam w/ the "Top 10 Reasons why Professor xxxx sucks"
16. Do the exam w/ crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
17. Play Frisbee w/ a friend @ the other side of the room.
18. ask a 2nd copy of the exam 4 ur imaginary friend sitting next 2 u.
19. Do the entire exam in another language. 4 math/science exams, use Roman numerals.
20. As soon as the instructor hands u the exam, eat it, & dare 2 ask 4 another

[joynow]

Hahahaha.............

[aramannie]

9- 1st SCHOLAR DAY OF PRESSOR
1. After confirming every 1's names on the roll, thank the class 4 attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" & mention that yesterday was the last day 2 drop.
2. Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will b required reading 4 ur class.
3. Ask students 2 list their favorite show tunes on a signup sheet. Criticize their choices & make notes in ur grade book.
4. Sneeze on students in the front row & wipe ur nose on ur tie.
5. Refer frequently 2 students who died while taking ur class.
6. Show up 2 lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students 2 keep their distance 4 their own safety & mutter smth about "that bug I picked up in the field".
7. Sprint from the room in a panic if u hear sirens outside.
8. Gradually speak softer & softer & then suddenly point 2 a student & scream " U ! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
9. If some 1 asks a question, walk silently over 2 their seat, hand them ur piece of chalk, & ask, "Would u like 2 give the lecture, Mr. Smarty-pants?"
10. Pick out random students, ask them questions, & time their responses w/ a stopwatch. Record their times in ur grade book muttering "tsk, tsk".
11. Point the overhead projector @ the class. Demand each student's name, rank, & serial number.
12. Show a video on medieval torture implements 2 ur calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
13. Announce, "u'll need this", & write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
14. Ask questions, but mutter "as if u gibbering wimps would know" & move on before hearing an answer.
15. Have 1 of ur graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of u as u pace back & forth.
16. Address students as "worm".
17. Tell students that u'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the funk".
18. Announce that u need 2 deliver 2 lectures that day, & deliver them in rapid-fire auction style.
19. Announce that last year's students have ALMOST finished their class projects.

[mambothai]

TEACHER: If u had 1 dollar & u asked ur father 4 another, how many dollars would u have?
VINCENT: 1 dollar.
TEACHER (sadly): u don't know ur arithmetic.
VINCENT (sadly): u don't know my father.

BOY: Isn't the principal a dummy!
GIRL: Say, do u know who I am?
BOY: No.
GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter.
BOY: & do u know who I am?
GIRL: No.
BOY: Thank goodness

TEACHER: How old were u on ur last birthday
STUDENT: 7
TEACHER: How old will u be on ur next birthday?
STUDENT: 9.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm 8 today.

TEACHER: Willy, name 1 important thg we have today not having 10 years ago.
WILLY: Me!

TEACHER: Tommy, why do u always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer 2 the ground then u are.

TEACHER: Why r u late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The 1 that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

GARY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give u.

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