Lawyers



A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he’d ever have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper:
“Where is the $10 million bucks you embezzled from me?”

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the $10 million dollar is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back:
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The attorney tells the Godfather: “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

That’s when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper’s temple, cocks it, and says: “Ask him again!”

The attorney signs to the underling: “He’ll kill you for sure if you don’t tell him!”

The bookkeeper signs back: “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!”

The Godfather asks the attorney: “Well, what’d he say?”

The attorney replies: “He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”


Two fleas sitting on bench


These two fleas, Hal and Sam, were sitting on the beach in Miami, soaking up the sun. Hal was enjoying himself tremendously, while Sam was suffering terribly from a cold. Hal asked Sam why he was so sick.

“Well,” said Sam, “I got to Miami by climbing into some fellow’s mustache, and he rode down on a motorcycle.”

“Next year,” Hal advised, ” you should use my method. You go to a bridge club meeting and wait until one of the ladies mentions a trip to Miami, then you climb up her leg until you find a warm moist spot, and you travel there.”

The next year Hal happened to run into Sam on the beach, and Sam was sick again.

“Well I tried your method,” he explained,” I went to a bridge club meeting, found a lady going to Miami, climbed up her leg until I found a warm moist spot. On the way to Miami she stopped in Washington D.C., I fell asleep, and when I woke up I was in some fellow’s mustache, riding to Miami on a motorcycle.”


Golf, anyone?


A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.

He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day! The day before he’s to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops
by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room.

When he’s checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:

Golf: $1.00.
Dinner: $1.00.
Room: $1.00.
Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00

Calling over to the manager, he asks, “What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?”

I’m sorry, sir,” said the manager, “but you didn’t read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That’s what our golf balls cost.”

“Well,” said the man, “if I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could’ve gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would’ve known what I was paying for!”

“That’s right, sir, you could have,” said the manager. “Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls!”