jokes corner

[ditz]

The chairman of the board of our company called me into his office to
tell me the god news: I was being promoted to Vice President of
Corporate Research and Plannning.

Of course, I was excited, but that didn't stop me from asking for my new
title to be changed to Vice President of Corporate Planning and
Research.

"Why?" the chairman asked.

"Because," I said, "Our organizational charts list names with
abbreviated job titles, and I don't want to be known as Robert E.
Reuter, VP of CRAP!"

[ditz]

Ten Things You *Don't* Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A.
System........

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted
to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as
floatation devices.

2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If
you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive
an extra pack of peanuts.

3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the
local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new
commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!!
Eject!!!!!!!

5. Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence)

6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have
to go back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something.....

7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the
reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more
efficiently now.

8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal
driving tendencies uses when you get in the car).

9. This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot
different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some
leeway...

10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades
and watched the in-flight movie.